Humour Books

Retail Stole My Life: How to Survive Working in Retail

If you work in retail, then you need this book. Think of it as the REAL staff handbook that management doesn't want you to read. Written by a former retail worker, Retail Stole My Life is an honest account of what it's really like to work in retail, with a heavy dose of dark humour thrown in for good measure.

Rescue Me

Chelsea Andrews can't decide who's more dangerous; the creep on the Toronto city bus, or the handsome stranger who rescues her. She doesn't hang around to find out. Fate intervenes when out of work actor Matt Malone sublets the apartment next door, and Chelsea discovers the most dangerous thing about her charming new neighbor is the damage he's inflicting on her heart. She's had enough of men like Matt; her father was a philandering charmer who left devastation in his wake. But the more she gets to know Matt, the more she realizes he's not like her father at all.

Success has eluded Matt's acting career. His family is pressuring him to give up acting and work full-time as a chef at the family business, Malone's Irish Pub. Matt likes to cook but acting is his passion. He's nearly thirty now, and meeting Chelsea makes him think of settling down. Should he give up his dreams for love's sake?

Chelsea is starting to believe she can trust Matt with her heart when strange romantic notes begin showing up at the art gallery where she works. Then she's followed home from the bus stop late one night, and her apartment is broken into. All the evidence points to Matt as the culprit. Is he the kind, funny, sincere man she's falling in love with, or some kind of stalker? Will the real Matt Malone please stand up?

Let's Get Serious (Let's Get Funny Fiction)

What should you do when your boyfriend wants to propose live on air? Should you a) confess up front that you're already married before the cameras are in your face and risk losing him, because you never meant to lie but you never mentioned it either. On the other hand, b) try to avoid being alone with him (ever again) so that he will not get the opportunity to ambush you with a surprise engagement ring. Or c) play along with it and accept his offer of marriage and that leaves option d) which stands for divorce, which is what you should have done ages ago seeing as it's been five long years since you've actually seen your husband in the flesh. Speaking about the absent husband, just to complicate matters even further begs the question. Did they have to make a pact to hook up again five years down the line and get back together for good, if neither of them had found happiness with another person by then?

And this is the problem that Faye Allen faces on the programme where she works, while the TV presenter is busy trying to make her own mark on telly so that she can fulfil her ambitions and one day host her own show. Only a scandal like this could sink her career boat that was sailing along quite nicely, until this happened to scupper her dreams. As it is decided, that the best course of action to take in this situation is to head off to Gibraltar to get it all sorted and Faye has a close encounter with a monkey for all her troubles and it would not be for the first time. So read this funny fiction in order to find out how Faye handles having a fiance and a famous husband plus a demanding workload all at once, which ends up crossing the line right over into every single part of her life and completely wrecks havoc all-round as a result.

This is a British comedy romance, short novel that is approximately 51,000 words in length.

Dirty Barry

The first casualty of adultery is ... the tooth!

Nuance... subtlety... subtext?

Nah, wrong author, pal. This is Scotland, not Narnia.

There's a bad guy - you won't like him at all (the clue's in the title) and he gets what's coming to him.

The fun is watching the comedy and misunderstandings that lead up to it... and the cast of characters who inhabit the story.

Meet CULLEN. An offbeat loner with a highly individual sense of right and wrong.

Barry Sullivan is a sordid dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant. But now Cullen has toothache - and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice.

The Tartan Hiaasen strikes again with another tale which roars along - and which will have you roaring along with it.

A Greek village waiting for God: FREE Laugh out loud comedy Greek fiction (Mynos Series Book 0)

FREE BOOK! FREE READ! If you are lusting after reading about Greece in books, then here is the beginning of a Greek village series - Greek fiction that is real laugh out loud comedy. Episkopi is a Greek village, waiting for God. Discover how the village steps back from the grave and humorously goes about breathing new life into itself. The power of a new-fangled computer which is first used to secretly provide all the old boys with lustful moments, is harnessed for the benefit of everyone. The Mynos Series encompasses traditional village life in Greece with two old goats reflecting on their way of life, one being the kafenion owner, the other a ten bob millionaire from having sold land for expats to buy a home. There's a story behind every person who moves to Episkopi and with each book you'll discover their life experiences and discover how and why they made their move to a place in the sun.

The Old Man at the End of the World: Bite No. 1

The end is nigh.... and Gerald Stockwell-Poulter has had quite enough of it already. Pesky business altogether. All this hiding and running about. Makes Brexit look like a doddle.

After 87 largely well-behaved years as a model citizen, less than four hours into the 'zompocalypse' and he has already killed a neighbour, rescued a moody millennial drug dealer and forged an unlikely allegiance with a giant ginger Scotsman. And it isn't even tea time.

Join Gerald as he and his newfound allies navigate the post-apocalyptic English countryside in their hilarious bid to stay off the menu.

THE GOOD LIFE meets DOUGLAS ADAMS meets SHAUN OF THE DEAD! - Dave F, Amazon

The first instalment of the Old Man at the End of the World. A novella of 20,000 words.

For fans of Frank Tayell (Surviving the Evacuation), Mark Tufo (Zombie Fallout), Diana Rowland (White Trash Zombie) and also Jonas Jonasson (The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared), Fredrik Backman (A Man Called Ove) and Catharina Ingelman-Sundberg (The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules).

49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom (The 49... Series Book 1)

Is your bedroom a tip?... Did you forget to tidy?... Can you hear the sound of parental footsteps getting closer and closer?... Here's 49 (extremely silly) excuses for not tidying your bedroom!

Join the comical adventure of these mischievous kids who will try absolutely anything to get away with not tidying their bedrooms. With an illustration for each haphazard attempt, you're guaranteed to laugh, smirk, and chuckle for hours.

Disclaimer: reading this eBook will probably make you giggle, but won't help you get away with having a messy bedroom.

Recommended Age: 10+

Miranda and Me

Hello and welcome to the first book ever written by a dog - me, Miss Peggy Hart. I just couldn't wait any longer for Miranda's book all about me (Peggy and Me) to come out in October so decided to release my own book ahead of Miranda, and here it is!

It turns out I am not just pretty face. And what a pretty face I hear you say. I know. Just look at me. I like to say I look like a cloud breathed by angels. I just say it how I see it. But my skills are not just my incredible natural beauty, I am also quite the literary whizz. And I hope you like my book .

What's even more exciting is it contains Twitter stories from the nation's own #AndMe moments, the best of which Miranda and I have hand-selected to appear in this ebook! The great British public have spilled the beans on their own doting companions, canine or otherwise. Oh and it also contains a sneak preview from Peggy and Me AND an exclusive introduction from none other than moi and Miranda. Expect laughter and tears - fuelled by a rich reserve of chaotic cats, pompous pooches and the odd human along the way.

I do so hope you like it because I love you very much and want to make you happy. I am lovely like that. Lots of licks and woofs to you and I hope to meet you in person one day.

The Pegster signing out (but do follow me on Twitter @realpeggyhart).

Harry Plotter and The Chamber of Serpents, A Potter Secret Parody

Austen comes to England knowing as an American he'll stick out at his new school. But when an errant owl lands him at Hogwarts he's in for more than he expected.

If it's not hard enough being the only American at Hogwarts, Austen's sorted into the most despised of all the houses. Then bumbling around the dungeon while trying to find his common room, he unwittingly helps the monster from the Chamber of Serpents. Will he discover the secret of the Chamber before he becomes another victim of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?

Any proceeds from this book will be donated to the The Children's Literacy Initiative, a US based charity.

Contaminated Samples

A free sampler containing the outrageous first chapters from Frankie's three books My Shit Life So Far, Work! Consume! Die! and Scotland's Jesus. Perfect for when you want to feel deeply offended.

MY SHIT LIFE SO FAR: 'I don't think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking "Why would anyone want to know this shit?" I've always read them thinking "I don't want to know where Steve Tyler grew up, just tell me how many groupies he f**ked!"'

So begins Frankie's outrageous, laugh-out loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it.

WORK! CONSUME DIE!: Stand-up comedy's favourite pessimist, Frankie Boyle, offers his laugh-out-loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it. He describes your reality as viewed through a bloodshot eye pressed against a shit-smeared telescope, focused on hell.

SCOTLAND'S JESUS: Reading Scotland's Jesus should be like being called into the living room by your child shouting that they see a little red dot on the head of a TV newscaster, then riding the white hot bullet through the propaganda circuitry of his or her exploding brain.

The Billionaire Bargain

Sexy Australian billionaire Grant Devlin is ruining my life. He exercises shirtless in his office, is notorious for his lunchtime hook-ups, he even yawns sexily. If I didn't need this job so bad, I'd take his black Amex and tell him where to swipe it.

He doesn't even know I exist, but why would he? He jets off to Paris with supermodels, I spend Friday nights with Netflix and a chunk of Pepperidge Farm frozen cake--waiting for his call. Because every time he crashes his yacht, or blows $500k on a single roulette spin in Monte Carlo, I'm the PR girl who has to clean up his mess.

But this time, it's going to take more than just a fat charity donation. This time, the whole company is on the line. He needs to show investors that he's settling down, and Step #1 is pretending to date a nice, stable girl until people forget about what happened with the Playboy Bunnies backstage at the Oscars.

My plan is perfect, except for one thing:

He picks me.

(Book One of three. Full series available now!)

ALSO BY LILA:

The Billionaire Bargain series

The Billionaire Game series

Billionaire with a Twist series

Rugged Billionaire

Snowed in with the Billionaire

Lucky in Love series:

1. Get Lucky

2. Bet Me

3. Lovestruck

4. Mr Right Now

5. Perfect Match

6. Christmas with the Billionaire

A to Z of Silly Animals - The Best Selling Illustrated Children's Book for All Ages by Sprogling (The Silly Animals Series 1)

A wonderfully silly A to Z picture book of ridiculous mythical animals.

The charming, original illustrations and witty captions are sure to delight children of all ages as well as parents.

Enjoy the A to Z of Silly Animals with your child today!

Flushed: A funny short story (The Meantime Stories Book 1)

"I was unable to stop reading this absurd and awfully seductive tale of power, politics and poo. Most highly recommended." -Readers' Favorite (5/5 STAR REVIEW)

The President's world is about to turn upside down in this acclaimed and hilarious short story about power, politics and an obstinate toilet.

During a summit, the President faces his biggest challenge yet: A clogged toilet. What's the man to do? Leave the bathroom and say nothing on the matter? Or, take matter into his own hands?

THE MEANTIME STORIES is a funny short read series that draws inspiration from Terry Pratchett, Monty Python, and Douglas Adams, drenched in Nordic Noir (human folly, plentiful abrupt deaths, snappy dialogue, quirky deep thoughts, and absurd outcomes). It's glittering darkness, and clouded light.

Each story is a stand-alone, ready to be enjoyed when you yearn for 30 minutes of wacky, brainy, and laugh-out-loud entertainment. Longing for surprises, unexpected twists, and silliness with an edge? Look no further, because in the Meantime, anything can happen!

The Best of Laugh Yourself Silly Jokes for Kids Sampler: Children's Juvenile Humor Ages 6-14 Riddles Knock-Knock Jokes

LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY is just what this book will do to readers, with a ton of jokes and hysterical illustrations, there's something for every kid ages 6-14! This 70-page book features samples from some of the best jokes from each book in the series: jokes for kids, knock-knock, spooky, sports, school, holidays, animals, food, funny situations & more, Plus--new, original jokes you won't find in other joke books! Sign up at the author's website, hariddle.com, to get the full book - free! Get info about upcoming titles in the series.

The Dark Lake (FREE PREVIEW - Prologue and First Five Chapters) (Gemma Woodstock Book 1)

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.0px Helvetica} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} A tight-knit community is shocked by revelations from decades past in this "enthralling" (Associated Press) literary mystery that "will keep you racing toward the end" (Lisa Gardner).

The lead homicide investigator in a rural town, Detective Sergeant Gemma Woodstock is deeply unnerved when a high school classmate is found strangled, her body floating in a lake. And not just any classmate, but Rosalind Ryan, whose beauty and inscrutability exerted a magnetic pull on Smithson High School, first during Rosalind's student years and then again when she returned to teach drama.

As much as Rosalind's life was a mystery to Gemma when they were students together, her death presents even more of a puzzle. What made Rosalind quit her teaching job in Sydney and return to her hometown? Why did she live in a small, run-down apartment when her father was one of the town's richest men? And despite her many admirers, did anyone in the town truly know her?

Rosalind's enigmas frustrate and obsess Gemma, who has her own dangerous secrets--an affair with her colleague and past tragedies that may not stay in the past. Brilliantly rendered, THE DARK LAKE has characters as compelling and mysteries as layered as the best thrillers from Gillian Flynn and Sophie Hannah.

Story Stack: Action-packed story starters for ages 6-8 and 9-12

Not sure what to get the kids to read next? Let them decide! Story Stack includes Chapters 1-4 of the following fun, fast-paced and popular illustrated chapter books by Karen Inglis: Henry Haynes and the Great Escape (for 6-8yrs) | Eeek! The Runaway Alien (for 7-10yrs) | Chapter 1 of Walter Brown and the Magician's Hat (for 7-9yrs) PLUS Chapters 1-3 of The Secret Lake (for 8-12 yrs). The Secret Lake is Karen's bestselling time travel mystery adventure story, enjoyed by over 7,000 readers. Karen has been praised by teachers, librarians, parents and reading charities for getting the most reluctant readers turning the pages. Full books available to order in print and/or for Kindle once the kids have had their say :)

Order with one click for free today - we think the kids and preteens will be back for more...!

The travel diaries of John Dot: Margate (Mid Life Backpacker Book 1)

A midlife calamity. A last-chance retreat. He's packed all of his emotional baggage...John Dot's life is falling apart at the seams, much like the waistband of his trousers. As a 47-year-old bogged down by gloomy moods and irrational fears, he's a perfect fit for the drab British seaside. But with a long-suffering girlfriend who's way out of his league, John knows his only chance to keep her is by trying something drastic...

He plans a weekend holiday to the sandy beaches of Margate, hoping his efforts to wine and dine Olivia will get them in the clear. He never expected the series of misadventures that would hurl him far outside his comfort zone...

Can John keep it together or will his inner humbug bring the romantic getaway to a crashing halt?

The Travel Diaries of John Dot: Margate is the hilarious first installment of the Mid Life Backpacker series, a set of comedic travel novels. If you like dry British humor, dark journeys of the soul, and travelogues with a twist, then you'll love Kevin Kelly's coastal confessional.

Download the book to embark on a comedic midlife crisis today!

101 Dirty Jokes - sexual and adult's jokes

Sex and humor. 101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

FOR RICHER OR POORER: ....A Romantic Comedy - (THE HENRY BLYTHE NOVELS Book 4)

A stand alone novel - number 4 in the Henry Blythe series.

Shortly after starting work at Blythe Enterprises, Sophie MacDonald, at the suggestion of her boss Henry Blythe, headed off on a two week holiday with her best friend Emma Tomkins.

Emma's Uncle Seymour owned a villa on the Mediterranean island of Capri which was 'a bit of a waste' apparently, as it was rarely used.

In search of sun, sand, sea and sex......and even more sex, this is Sophie's and Emma's story.

Will they find what they are looking for?

Will that Italian paradise island ever be the same again?

And exactly how much damage can they do in only two weeks?

The Reading Group: December: a FREE short story (The Reading Group Series)

A FREE teaser to the wonderful THE READING GROUP, coming soon in November 2018.

Read it here first!



Grace knows that the holiday season is going to be different this year. No turkey, no tinsel, no gorgeously wrapped gifts under the tree . . . how on earth is she going to break it to her little boys that Christmas is effectively cancelled? And can she bear to tell anyone her embarrassing secret? Enter the Reading Group: Grace's life might have turned upside down but there's no problem they can't solve.

Meet the Reading Group: No topic is off-limits: books, family, love and loss . . . and don't forget the glass of red!



'Brims with laughs, love, family and friendship. You will love this heartwarming read!' Trisha Ashley.

Best Jokes 2014

One hundred of hilarious and funny jokes !

Have fun and laugh!

A Lonely Dog on Christmas

Christmas Day is fast approaching. For Beckham, the family bulldog, it means just another year of being ignored while chaos and mayhem reign throughout the house. In this holiday short story full of laughter and family dysfunction, Beckham narrates an ill-conceived plan to create an unforgettable landmark moment in order to reclaim the spotlight as the center of attention. As the extended family gathers to make merry and observe their annual tradition, Beckham has another idea in mind to celebrate and make it a day to remember.

A Lonely Dog on Christmas is not intended for children and contains language unsuitable for young readers.

Forget Me? Not (A Romantic Comedy)

Updated Edition!

Amanda Baldwin isn't keen on eavesdroppers. Especially when the eavesdropper hears her fiance call off their long-awaited wedding--after the invitations have already been sent!

Never mind that the eavesdropper, the irrepressible Zach Castelli, wants to help Amanda get over her heartache by showing her life on the wild side. Or that Zach is a bonafide hunk. He's her polar opposite, a beach bum who can't commit to anything and calls marriage the state of "unhappily ever after."

As her few weeks around Zach count down to an inevitable end, though, the question isn't whether Amanda will be able to forget her fiance. It's whether she'll ever forget Zach.

Love Finds You: The Helena's Grove Series Book 1

Note: This book was previously published under "Love Is Thicker Than Blood" by Ivy Alexander. New content has been added including an extended ending, with twists and turns you'll be sure to love!

Sweet romance with a twist!

Jennifer Berkley is a straightforward, ambitious, soon-to-be lawyer in the fast, driven city of New York. She doesn't have the patience or time to deal with people who can't or won't give her what she wants. When her father asks her to visit her aunt in Ohio as her last dying wish, Jen is immediately resistant, but reconsiders when her father makes her an offer she can't refuse.

Jen finds Ohio a much different pace than New York, and is beginning to enjoy country life when she meets Zack LaFaye, a good-looking, helpful man who is adored by her aunt. Each encounter with him leaves Jen flustered and annoyed. The question is glaring: does she have feelings for him, or does she hate him so much that she can't decide?

Amidst a country backdrop, Jen discovers feelings and experiences no city girl is prepared for. As the summer unfolds, she finds herself questioning everything. Using her skill and training as a lawyer, Jen uncovers a trail of deceit she didn't see coming. With a vengeance, she is determined to find out the truth. Someone is lying to her, but who?

Love Finds You is a clean romance novel full of charming intrigue, with twists, turns, love, romance and drama that will leave you breathless as Jen must decipher her feelings, and the truth.



Helena's Grove Series ebook Categories

- free romance books for kindle fire

- free romance series set

- free clean romance kindle books

- free sweet romance books

- free romantic comedy books

- free inspirational romance

- free romantic books

(Not So) Good in a Room (California Dreamers Romantic Comedy Series Book 1)

She's not the kind of girl he can take home to daddy.

(NOT SO) GOOD IN A ROOM, a romantic comedy novella, is a modern reimagining of Cyrano de Bergerac.

Awkward screenwriter Nellie Berg is great with words, as long as she can write them down. She's written over thirty action scripts, but has been unable to sell a single one to Hollywood. Instead of working the room, every time Nellie tries to pitch her scripts to producers she becomes overcome with anxiety and completely blanks out.

When Nellie meets another aspiring screenwriter, Roscoe Rhodes, at Pitchfestapalooza they form an unlikely friendship. Roscoe is everything Nellie is not: outgoing, witty, charming...and good in a room. Roscoe suggests that Nellie hire his cousin, Chris, an unemployed actor to pitch her scripts to producers.

Things get complicated when Nellie falls for Chris and she seeks Roscoe's help to seal the deal. Roscoe realizes he actually has feelings for Nellie. And Hollywood falls in love with the hot the new pretend screenwriter, who has never even read an entire script let alone written one.

WARNING: This book contains foul language, sexual innuendo and a little bit of hanky-panky. Buyer beware.

CALIFORNIA DREAMERS is a series of interconnecting romantic comedy stories that can be read as STAND ALONE NOVELLAS or as part of the SERIES.

The CALIFORNIA DREAMERS SERIES:

(Not So) Good in a Room (Nellie's Story)

Beautiful Abyss (Chris's Story)

So Far Away (Maddie's Story)

Rookie Mistake (Cody & Maya's Story)

Sooner or Later...You Will Get Caught

**SHORT STORY**TRUE STORY

Kids often do things they know they shouldn't do. And they all think they won't get caught. But this true story proves the adage - "It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but sooner or later....you WILL get caught"

This fun read begins with a young girl, and her budding career in parental note forgery. Thirty years later, it comes back to haunt her in the most amusing way -proving once and for all that what goes around, comes around! Perfect short read for those "waiting for the kids to get out of school/practice/dance/etc." moments.

Includes a bonus excerpt from Stranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About Strangers.

Funny Stories for Kids: Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves: (Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Fractured Fairy Tales, Parody Books, Free Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

What would the story of "Snow White" be like if the princess was an idiot, the evil queen was completely incompetent, and the dwarves, instead of being happy and silly, were instead super gross and mean? The answer: "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves," a comedy short story that is so awesome you'll have to read it to believe it. (Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)

"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."

Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org

"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"

Angela, Amazon UK reader

"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."

Thelma Coots, Amazon reader

"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"

Isienie V., Amazon reader

*****

Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!

The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.

**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

Lily Loves to Love: ROM-COM FUN FICTION

Have you ever read a book and thought I do not want the main character to end up with the predictable hero? I wish she had gotten with the other man instead. Well here is your chance to change that scenario and choose whom you would like Lily to love. In this book, many comical things tend to happen to and around Lily Lockhart. As she deals with her job, her love life and her family, not to mention her friends so like a lot of us, she is simply an ordinary woman trying to survive this modern world and not always getting it right before mistakes come back to bite her on the bum. As the quirky but loveable girl just cannot help herself sometimes. This is all before trying her hand at a spot of charity work, when she decides that life is far too short to spend it selfishly.

At the start of the year, she ends her engagement and before long, there is plenty of male interest heading her way. We are talking 'The Handsome One' (Sean) and 'The Funny One' (Tom). In addition, there is also 'The Rich One' (Peter) but Lily cannot choose between them. Therefore, in the closing chapters, it is down to you 'the reader' to decide who wins Lily's heart since there is a fun multiple-choice style ending to the story. Will you pick the boyfriend, the best friend or the boss? Only one problem, she is pregnant so 'who's the daddy'.

Memes: Funny, Dank 2018 Memes for Teens.: Hilarious New Memes, Silly, Epic, Ultimate

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DISCOVER THESE ALL-NEW MEMES THAT ARE PERFECT FOR TEEN AND ANYONE WHO LOVES A GOOD LAUGH!!!

Tired of the same boring MEMES??? Well get this book now and I guarantee that you will be laughing for hours with

OVER 2000 MEMES!!!!

DON'T BE A NOOB!!! GET THIS BOOK NOW AT THE LIMITED TIME PRICE OF JUST $2.99

Love and Chaos: (Standalone Bad Boy Romance) (Growing Pains Book 4)

From USA Today Bestselling author, Willow Summers, is a hilarious and steamy romance.

It was supposed to be easy. Just a quick trip to the wine country to help her good friend, Peter.

She never expected to meet his bad boy brother...

Muscled, tattooed, and riding a Harley, Jace has Cassie's heart racing and blood boiling. Struggling to keep her desire on a tight leash, she must do everything she can to keep Peter's secret. But resisting that dimpled smile is harder than she could've ever imagined...

A standalone book based on the bestselling Growing Pains series. HEA. No cliffhanger!

Hettford Witch Hunt, Series One: Comedy Horror

"With subtle humor and a charming regional voice, James Rhodes cleverly crafts a story of vengeance, mystery and witchcraft. Deftly weaving the ordinary and supernatural Rhodes leads readers along a path strewn with dreary workaday details offset by exciting glimpses of an otherworld that threatens to destroy the safety of the mundane."

-Kirsten Imani Kasai, Author: Ice Song, Tattoo, Del Rey Books

Gary Turlough is falling deeper into his post-graduate slump as each day goes by. He is in a dead-end job with no prospects and, following a slight indiscretion with a local goth, his girlfriend is one more mistake away from heading back to New Zealand. Life in the small village of Hettford would be tough enough without the spirits of two 18th Century witches plotting to kill his only two friends.

Milton and Dan are the real ale drinking hill-walkers of witch hunting: Nobody may believe them, nobody may reward them and they might not ever accomplish very much but nonetheless they remain devoted to their cause. With a slick sitcom format this novel is a must have for fans of paranormal comedy.

SERIES TWO: Available now!

Funny Stories for Kids: Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner: Star Wars Parody, Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Sci-fi, Parody Books, Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

In a galaxy ravaged by tyranny, planets are destroyed at the push of a button and empires are brought down by farm boys and scoundrels. Dark Zader was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, but when he threw his emperor down a shaft, he found himself without a job.

Living with his kids and down on his luck, he finds that he only has one solution, beg for his old job back from the very emperor he thought he'd killed.

Read as this family of rebel scum scrambles to prepare a dinner fit for an emperor in the most ridiculous culinary experience ever.

Double the excitement.

Triple the laughs.

Paintbrush illustrations.

This is...

Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

Two Legs, Three Legs, Four Legs: More Rescue Dog Stories With Duncan the Canine Tripod and his Friends Seamus, Shannon and Minnie (The Long, The Short and The Tall Book 2)

Meet the "Gang of Four", Seamus, Shannon, Minnie and Duncan the Canine Tripod.

All Rescue Dogs, they became firm friends over the years. Their story was told in Book One. "The Long, The Short and The Tall. Life with Rescue Dogs."

Now the Gang rides again! Read some more of their stories: happy stories, scary stories, but always true stories. Enjoy a walk out with them over Pendle Hill. Learn how Duncan almost lost another leg!

Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you. Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you.

The Submarine Full of Bees: A Bedtime Story For Kids Aged 5 to 10

A Bedtime Story With Added Buzz

This story is a little bit different from other stories. Usually stories are about other people but this story is about you. And usually stories are made up but this story is all true. It's about the amazing underwater adventure you had today with those bees.

I know what you're thinking: you're thinking: I didn't have an adventure with any bees today!

Oh yes you did! But you can't remember because that magic flower made you forget.

Let me explain ...

****************************

In this humorous and wildly imaginative read-aloud bedtime tale, the listener hears about a submarine expedition he/she embarked upon earlier that day to explore the uncharted depths of a muddy puddle. It's one of the thirty-one stories that make up the critically acclaimed collection A Month of Bedtime Stories, oh yes it is!

Reviews of A Month of Bedtime Stories:

A wonderful book well worth adding to any collection - Book Reviews and Giveaways

I loved each one and never once was ready to put the book down - Chodi Kid Books

Looney, wacky, imaginative and borderline crazy tales that McFarlane pens with absolute abandon - Grady Harp, Hall of Fame Top 100 Reviewer / Vine Voice

Grab a copy today

Summer at the Comfort Food Cafe

The brand new book from bestselling author Debbie Johnson will make you laugh, make you cry, and make you raid the pantry in the middle of the night... The Comfort Food Cafe is perched on a windswept clifftop at what feels like the edge of the world, serving up the most delicious cream teas; beautifully baked breads, and carefully crafted cupcakes. For tourists and locals alike, the ramshackle cafe overlooking the beach is a beacon of laughter, companionship, and security - a place like no other; a place that offers friendship as a daily special, and where a hearty welcome is always on the menu. For widowed mum-of-two Laura Walker, the decision to uproot her teenaged children and make the trek from Manchester to Dorset for the summer isn't one she takes lightly, and it's certainly not winning her any awards from her kids, Nate and Lizzie. Even her own parents think she's gone mad. Product Information:o ISBN: 9780008150259 o Author: Debbie Johnsono Publisher: Harper Impulseo Format: Paperbacko Pages: 347o Dimensions: 20 x 13 x 2.5cm

Only Forty More Years

This intellectually funny, and easy to relate to, fictional work with dramatic undertones is a first-person story that centers around the humorously skeptical recent college graduate, Sean Bronson, as he lands his first "real" job and learns to navigate the treacherous waters of corporate America - beginning to realize that incompetence and underhandedness abound in every corner and that office life can often be anything but professional. The story is set in the headquarters of a multi-billion dollar home furnishing company located in the modern day suburban landscape of Long Island, New York.

The story begins as the sarcastically precocious, yet introspective, Sean is waiting his last table at a depressing, dream-graveyard type of a restaurant and decides that he needs to move out of his parent's house and in order to do that he needs to search for a career. We follow him as he engages himself in his first career oriented interview with the profit-hungry home retail giant known as "Cool Collectibles." We meet a wide cast of characters in the workplace that show Sean that people who have a profession are not always behaviorally professional. We also encounter Karen and Bessie, two love interests of Sean's who each represent, in different ways, the hardships of establishing that highly coveted ideal of a work-life balance. The tone of the book starts off as being humorous but then transitions into a more grave matters such as workplace romances (and failures) as well as employee resignations and tumultuous performance reviews. His dream of moving into a place of his own is also stymied when he quickly realizes that "rookie-pay" does not go very far in New York.

This book artfully infuses comedy and interpersonal drama into the highly relatable "chore" of embarking on a new career.

A must-read for anyone who works in an office, or is planning to, as it will make you feel much better about your life.

Obey The Rules: A free extract from The Rules

A FREE colour Ebook featuring extracts from The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple - available for a limited time only.



The Velominati embrace cycling not just as a pastime or a means of travel, but as a way of life - as obsessed with style, heritage, authenticity and wisdom as with performance.

THE RULES is their Bible, and is an essential part of every cyclist's arsenal.

So you want to become a Sub

So you want to become a sub is a quick crash-course for a potential sub interested in entering the BDSM lifestyle. It is written with the female perspective in mind, searching for a male Dom. In this short, seven chapter book you will discover some very true and helpful information, but remember, it is meant to be a light and fun read.

The Spy Who Bluffed Me! (Best of British)

The name's Palmer...Pagga Palmer...

Neville 'Pagga' Palmer is an over-sexed, run-of-the-mill doorman with delusions of grandeur. Despite being terrified of his local rivals and thicker than a whale omelette he's convinced that he's a highly trained spy who is simply 'sleeping' until needed by the security services. This isn't a scenario that anyone who has ever met him would think likely...until one day an upper-class, blonde-haired spook asks him to sign the official secrets act and tells him that his services are required for Queen and country...

Bad guys beware 'cos Pagga's coming to save the world!

Hot Shots FC

This is the first book in the 'stupidly funny' football series, Hot Shots FC. It is for children aimed 6-12 who like football, or being silly, or laughing out loud again and again!

It follows the fortunes of Hat Trick Boy, who is selected to join local side Hammers FC. But there is a problem: his friends aren't picked. So Hat Trick Boy has to choose between his friends and his football, and he makes a mistake. He deserts his friends and decides to join the rather rough Hammers FC. But he doesn't know his friends are about to set up the greatest junior football club ever, Hot Shots FC...

A Pun in the Oven

More ridiculously funny - and ridiculous - rhymes from the Loonyverse inside Phil Maund's head. Discover how the formerly naked Emperor got his revenge, why Clara the Clairvoyant was so upset, revisit Eentsy Weentsy Spider, and see the truth revealed about Archimedes and his bath. These and more will have you in more stitches than his wife's embroidery machine.

A Beginners Guide to Criminality: how to be a successful villain

So you're thinking of converting to a life of crime; contemplating turning your back on society and normality for an alternative vocation; giving serious consideration to saying "t'hell with the laws of the land!" and "I'm going out to take what's not rightfully mine!"?

Who can blame you! In these times of high unemployment, low wages, austerity cuts, increased cost of living and social decay (not to mention a faltering judicial system) why wouldn't you consider a slightly unorthodox profession? After all, the latest games consoles, interactive TV's and new cars don't come cheap - not to mention booze and cigarettes!

Maybe you've tried the conventional Monday to Friday, nine to five existence and decided that lifestyle just isn't for you. Perhaps you've never worked a day in your life and criminality comes naturally to your clan and as such a life of crime is your destiny - upholding the proud family name.

Venturing down the criminal path is not a decision to be taken lightly though; there are many factors you must consider in advance if you want to make the most of your villainous plans. This short guide will provide all you need to know about crossing over to the dark side and setting off on your journey of self-discovery and debauchery as you pillage and plunder your way up the criminal ladder from petty thief, to powerful crime lord.

Mouth Open Story Fell Out: Cynical Rants Of A Singleton

Running on nothing but a busted heart, a potty mouth and the blinking cursor on a screen, Shem uses her latest breakup and a laptop as free therapy.

After unexpectedly being inducted into the hall of singledom by her closeted girlfriend (the girl she probably should never have fallen for) and urged by a friend to stop crying and start writing, Shem takes to penning the do's and don'ts of trying to move on from an ex but still failing miserably. This short non-fiction narrative presents a collection of rambling romantic faux pas backed up with zero scientific research, just outlandish statements!

"Recently I read a quote by American musician Frank Ocean, which said: 'If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously, punch them in the face, and go get ice cream.' I instantly fell in love with this, as it captured exactly how I felt after the self-pity and dramatic wailing had subsided."

Packed with hilariously tragic pearls of wisdom and self-inflicted drama, this short compilation of writing is an insight into the life of a single girl and the brain burps of all things love related. Mouth Open Story Fell Out: Cynical Rants of a Singleton simply offers a little heads up when trying to navigate the minefield that is the single life.

Meet the WOOF Characters: A Just For Fun Companion Guide Extra (The Woof Books)

This is a fun cast of characters companion guide to the The WOOF Books series. It contains samples, is just for fun, and will be updated as the series requires it. The WOOF Books are light, laugh out loud, heartwarming comedy. With a wily German Shepherd. By an Amazon Best-Selling author. Grab your WOOF Book today!

The Haunted Dollhouse (The Ghost Store)

Lottie Landers is 15 years old. She can see ghosts and she helps them with any unfinished business.

In this first story, Lottie's dad brings a dollhouse into the family store. A ghost is attached to it. It doesn't take Lottie long to connect with the ghost, but when she does, her heart fills with sadness.

This is going to be a difficult case for Lottie, but she is determined to help the ghost.

134.2 QI Facts to Leave You Flabbergasted: Free EBook Sampler

'This may look like a free ebook sampler, but it's actually a portal. While you may read this in just twenty minutes, each little nugget is only the visible tip of an information iceberg.'

In this free ebook sampler to accompany the new book 1,342 QI Facts To Leave You Flabbergasted, come face-to-face with some of the most mind-blowing facts in the QI universe, such as: The sun gets 4 million tons lighter every second; The first scientifically named dinosaur bone was called Scrotum humanum because it looked like a giant pair of human testicles; A 'batman' was a unit of weight in the Ottoman Empire. Ben Affleck weighs about nine batmans; Making all the chain mail for The Lord of the Rings wore the costume designers' fingerprints away.

Enjoy the incredible world of QI facts.

Buster McGavin’s Wonderful World of Golf: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I died of pneumonia in Bedford, Massachusetts at the age of eighty-eight.

As a young man, I was a phenomenal golfer playing at the highest levels of amateur competition. I had a big, modern swing; but I always cut a traditionalist's figure. My self-effacing, uncomplaining manner, my chesty stride, my clothes, even my tripartite name seemed a thing of the pastoral, perhaps English, past. Tweed, of course, was my preferred fabric. I once showed up on a course in all-tweed, including tweed knickers and a tweed cap. It was the middle of July.

I described the game with an avant-garde style that has since been imitated, but never duplicated.

Subjects I covered as a professional columnist included tennis, writers, politicians, and social figures. I was the ghostwriter of several books, mostly about golf.

I was just crazy about golf; I was a great historian of the game and--if I do say so myself-- a terrific writer. I wrote longhand and in pencil. In Heaven we use only Macs. It took me a long time to learn how to type. So now I dictate.

I was acute on the complexities of the game and on the characters of the players. I was, in spirit, prelapsarian--uninterested in the issues of money, endorsements, or scandal of any kind. If I had a hero in golf, and even in life, it was certainly Bobby Jones, who won thirteen major championships as an amateur between 1923 and 1930 and then went on to help design the ne plus ultra of American golf courses: Augusta National, the site of the Masters. Jones was an educated athlete, a lawyer, a writer, and a reader, and we quickly became friends talking about books and the intricacies of golf. I learned a great deal from Bobby. About three days before Bobby's death, when I knew he was dying, I said to the members of his family: 'If this is all there is to it, it sure is peaceful."

Well, Hell's bells! It's far from peaceful in Heaven! Actually, Heaven is much like Earth: greed, corruption, sexual abuse, humiliation, hypocrisy, scams, and plenty of violence. Except you can do just about anything you want here--within the Heavenly guidelines. I decided to write my own book of golf instruction.

During my coverage of the 1958 Masters, I was searching for an appropriate name for that far corner of the course where the critical action takes place -- some colorful tag like those that Grantland Rice and his contemporaries loved to devise: the Four Horsemen, the Manassa Mauler, the House that Ruth Built, the Georgia Peach, and so on. A lover of jazz, I recalled an old tune entitled "Shouting in the Amen Corner."

Now that I am in Heaven, I have been assured by The Great Greenskeeper that my writing, like the greatest game ever played, will live forever.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Pedaling My Ass Off - A Weight Loss Story - Well, Kinda...

**SHORT STORY**TRUE STORY**

Pedaling My Ass Off is a weight loss story... well, kinda. It's a short but funny story about an attempt to lose weight by bicycling. Anyone who has tried, and failed, to lose weight - especially by exercising - will appreciate this story. Perfect for a quick read. Includes an excerpt from How to Tell When You're Really Old! Funny Happens When Kids Define Old Age.

Unconventional Fitness Tips: 30 of the Funniest, Smartest, Most Unforgettable Fitness Tips to Burn Fat, Build Muscle, and Get Lean



Here's My Collection of the Best (and Most Hilarious) Fitness Tips and Quotes from the Top Trainers and Strength Coaches in the World

This is a collection of my favorite fitness quotes. I searched for the funniest, most inspirational, most motivational fitness tips out there.

This isn't a list of rehashed, corny, "seen a million times on Facebook" health and fitness quotes. These are quotes of wisdom, insight, and humor.

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ronnie Coleman. Elliott Hulse. Nate Miyaki. Jim Wendler. Mark Rippetoe. Muhammad Ali. Steve Reeves. Tony Gentilecore. Jason Ferruggia. Bret Contreras. Tony Gentilecore. Eric Cressey. Alan Aragon.

When these guys speak, I listen. And so should you.

They represent some of the best strength, fitness, nutrition, and physique coaches in the world. They are all incredibly accomplished with decades of training and coaching under their belts.

So I scoured the internet, looking for the best, most inspirational, most funny, and most insightful fitness tips I could find and divided them between diet advice and exercise advice.

---->Download this free book now and get ready to laugh (and use these tips to get ripped)



P.S.

***And while you're at it - please don't forget to leave a review***

They Win. You Lose.: Sex, Violence & Songs from the Shows (The Implosion Saga (Book 1))

They Win. You Lose. By Stan Arnold

Sex, Violence and Songs from the Shows.

They Win. You Lose. is the first book of The Implosion Saga. It's a very funny thriller. Mick and Jim are two incompetent, Soho-based, corporate video producers. They drink too much and don't earn enough.

So when the Mafia come calling, demanding back rent of ?6,000, they have ten minutes to do a runner. All they have is an old Morris Traveller (a Woodie, if you're in the US) and a tank full of petrol.

Their sudden flight takes them to the sex trade in Southsea, out-of-body experiences, horrendous amateur dramatics, Death Metal pubs, foul-mouthed, 80-year-old punk grannies and hit men dressed in pink Mexican outfits.

Under constant threat from enforcers, they get offered a mystery job in Las Vegas. When they arrive, six Reservoir Dogs' lookalikes are waiting for them. They make their escape using the world's most mercenary taxi driver.

During the next 24 hours, they chicken out a freight train, walk six moonlit miles across the desert with cactus-punctured groins, find out what badly manufactured LSD can do to you, avoid Thelma and Louise suicide-a-likes, have sex with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper, make a commitment in front of a Bourbon-fuelled Elvis at Big Derek's Gay Marriage Emporium and blow up a Harley Davidson. The final showdown takes place with the mafia boss in the world's most unspeakably lurid theatrical environment. A very neat twist propels them from sudden death into a totally different way of life.

Or does it?

The Epic Santa Chase: An Angus Adams Christmas Short Story

What would you do if a thief in a Santa costume took off with your iPad? If you're anything like Angus Adams, you might embark on a wild chase across the city, although perhaps not with a giant chicken and a nun in tow. Determined to stop the thief, Angus uses everything he's got and more. This fast paced story will have you running alongside him right up until the surprise ending that you won't see coming.

(A Christmas short-story for kids 9-12 years.)

Quinceys Quirky Quiz Books Photo Dingbats Volume One: Photo Puzzles Volume 1

If you like to watch Catchphrase, then take a look at this book of Photo Dingbats that I have created.

These puzzles are known by various names such as Rebuses, Pictograms and Dingbats. They consist of a picture that represents a well known saying or word or phrase.

Keep your brain active with this volume of fifty puzzles.

Charlie The Pissed Off Mutt

Charlie is a dog who suffers from anger issues. Trying to impress his owner, his number one goal in life is to become a house dog. Things are looking good until Jasper the stray dog shows up uninvited. Pissed off, Charlie has to come up with a plan to get rid of Jasper once and for all.

Part 2 is Available Now at This Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XO8OXTO

150 Knock! Knock! Jokes

150 hilarious knock knock jokes to keep the kids amused, with lots of charming illustrations.

Risking it All: The Rosewoods - A Short Story

Things are not going well for Brady Fleming, Rosewood equestrian coach and Olympic hopeful. Thanks to a careless fall off his horse, he is now on crutches - out of training and a job. Not to mention he's had to promise Brooklyn he'll back off so they could be just friends, which is the last thing he wants. The worst part is he knows she's into him too; she's as much as admitted it. And that kiss... There is no denying their chemistry after that kiss at the costume dance. But he can't date a student and he balked when she asked him if he was willing to risk it all to be with her. Now that his job and training are on hold, his outlook has changed and he's beginning to realize what really matters and what he wants from his life.

Maybe that girl who showed up on campus and turned his heart inside out is worth risking everything for after all.

Read Risking it All, a short story from Brady's perspective, in preparation for Making Ripples, The Rosewoods book 6.

Big Business: And How I Learned To Love The Financial Crisis

Philip Dunbar is a slacker. A newly minted college graduate, Philip is unsure of what to do with his life. With pressure from his father and U.S. Senator, Philip enters a chaotic job market, spending months looking for work until he finally lands a job at a local branch for a major bank. Dealing with psychotic customers and impossible sales goals, Philip is eventually fired due to his poor sales performance. But after accidentally uncovering a Ponzi scheme, Philp is rehired and is thrust into the world of corporate finance, getting promoted to work in New York City.

It is there Philip meets the bank's egocentric and charismatic CEO Walter Kalman, who is stopping at nothing to take his bank into a new era of high finance, even if it means setting the world of Wall Street on fire. Getting accustomed to the glitz and glamour of working on Wall Street, Philip feels like he has finally done something with his life. But after the financial crisis unfolds, he realizes not everything is what it seems, and is caught in the middle of Walter Kalman's ambitions and the complexity of dating two women, a naive coffee shop owner and a power hungry investment banker who will do what it takes to move up the corporate ladder.

Being investigated by the FBI and extorted by Walter Kalman, Philip has no choice but to take matters into his own hands and expose Kalman's corruption under the most unusual of circumstances.

Meet the Nessies: A funny adventure story for children.

A humorous tale of Loch Ness monster Quirky-Ness and her quest to find out if her pet goldfish Fuzzy has the x-factor.

The Ghostly Ghastlys Book 1: FINDING A HOME (The Ghostly Ghastlys Series)

The Ghastly family are ghosts. They live in the castle above the town. Other ghosts live there too, because it is a haunted castle. Mr and Mrs Ghastly are singers and always busy with rehearsals and performances, so the little Ghastlys often do what they like.

What they like doing is to make the visitors scream. The little Ghastlys are very good at playing tricks, and people love to come and be frightened. But the other castle ghosts are mean and don't like that the little Ghastlys are more popular than them.

When the ghost children play tricks on the other ghosts, the Ghastly family is thrown out of the castle.

Finding a new home isn't easy. There is something wrong with everywhere they go: too shiny, too narrow, too open, too modern, too many people. At last they discover an old museum that hasn't been open for years. It seems ideal, but could other ghosts are already living there? If so, how will they get on with the mischievous little Ghastlys?

This is the first book in a new series called The Ghostly Ghastlys. The next book is called Branwing and Book 3 is Alfonso. Follow the adventures of the little Ghastlys and their friends.

A Month of Bedtime Stories: the First Five Stories (and off you went to the woods)

The first five stories of the highly praised collection, "A Month of Bedtime Stories".

Children will love being the main character and hearing about the adventures they had earlier in the day. ("You don't remember? It must have been that bonk on the head that made you forget!") Parents too will enjoy the humor and imagination of this book of immersive, read-aloud bedtime tales.

Thee Woman (Scott F Neve's Prequels, Sequels and Parodies Book 9)

*Romance Mystery Short Story! Inspired by the style of Sir A. Conan Doyle

Thee Woman was none other than the irrepressible Miss Irene Adler. Her first love affair was a summer tryst with a young nobleman. It promised to be an affair to end all affairs. But when duty called, the future king chose to break her heart. So Irene swore to him, "If you try to marry any other woman... I will ruin you."

How can they live happily ever after? Find out!

Hug (the Pug)

Hug (the Pug) tells the tale of a cute little pug who is on a quest for friendship, however, will his bladder problem prevent him from making friends?

Summer Lovin' (Seasons of Love Book 1)

Everyone should have at least one wild fling on their resume.

Mia volunteers to dogsit for two weeks, giving her a chance to figure out the next step in her life, and career. She discovers it's not easy chasing after a puppy with a shoe fetish, but there's a reward for all her troubles: the hunky guy next door.

Luke is a workaholic chef forced to take two weeks' vacation, and at first he's sure the downtime might kill him. But then he gets to know his temporary neighbor. She's sexy and fun, and all of a sudden, two weeks isn't nearly enough time.

Love Hurts

"Let me tell you something about love. They say love hurts, well my love killed a whole town. Only a small town mind, but a whole town all the same. Love doesn't just hurt, it maims, cripples and kills. I know, I've seen it in action.

This introduction put Russell on the runner-up list for The Independent newspaper's 'Opening Gambits' competition.

Here is the full book, enjoy.

Taking Off

A few years after graduating college, Ty was fed up with "working" and "acting responsibly like every other adult is expected to," and chose instead to quit his job and backpack across Europe and Asia. Taking Off is the mostly true memoir of his trip.

Yes, this may come as a shock, but a twenty-something wrote about his experiences travelling. Kind of like when Ashley from HR sent you the link to her vacation blog. The differences being that this book is longer, has less pictures of Ashley in a bikini, and gives you no real obligation to read it since you'll never bump into Ty in the break room where he'll ask you how you liked it. But regardless of obligation, you can still appreciate this book, as it consists of several humorous, interesting, and worthwhile anecdotes that are way more interesting than anything that self-absorbed narcissist Ashley could ever write.

This book is completely, 100% free. So if you're interested, give it a read. If you like it, tell a friend about how good it was. If you don't like it, lie to an enemy about how good it was. Either way, make sure to flaunt the book's completion to someone. You're literate for God's sake, and the contemptible people with whom you surround yourself need to be made aware of your superiority.

Tiddlywink the Mouse

A collection of oddly surreal stories for unusual children, featuring a mouse and his friends - a squirrel, an elephant, a limpet and a fish - along with an assortment of mischievous clouds and cowardly mushrooms.

Bobby Monster Plays Baseball!

A short chapter book for children aged 5-7

Approx 1,700 words

Bobby Monster is very pink. And very furry. He's very friendly too.

Bobby loves trying new things.

In this first book Bobby joins a queue for a baseball game. He gets so excited that he starts to dance - and he doesn't even know what baseball is!

He gets himself accidentally involved in the game. Will he score a home run?

How To Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

Back in the day, we never had a problem with these pesky sparkly vampires. Oh, we would get an occasional deer in the yard, or a squirrel, or even a raccoon, but never vampires. It was a peaceful, quiet little town in the Pacific Northwest called Spoon. We never caused anyone any trouble and they left us well enough alone.

But those days are gone. Now these emo vampires are everywhere. Not to mention those dang waxing werewolves. It's getting to the point where you can't even have a beer in the backyard without some blood sucking freak moping about.

Fifty Shades of Neigh - A parody

They say money is a great aphrodisiac, but are there really enough billions in the world to mitigate the many flaws of a man who wears DON'T FRIENDZONE ME t-shirts and thinks all you have to do to acquire old-school, film noir charm is to pop on a fedora and call all women toots?

Can enough money exist to take the edge off a man like Crispian Neigh, a doughy internet billionaire of uncertain provenance and even less certain weight? Is he doomed to be Forever Alone, or is there a woman in the world who can see the man behind the billions, and forgive his habit of drawing busty dwarf erotica based on World of Warcraft characters?

Step forward Hanna Squeal - literature student and insurance risk, a self-proclaimed intellectual so alarmingly dim that she thinks Camus is a chickpea-based dip flavoured with garlic.

When Hanna stumbles, glissades and finally faceplants in front of him, Crispian Neigh is enraptured by her beauty, her implausible innocence and her shatteringly low self-esteem.

Cue several hundred pages of poorly-written, repetitive 'kinky' sex. Flogging, whipping, fisting, anal intercourse and things that would give even James Joyce cause to pause - none of these things happen in this book. Due to a sheltered girlhood (I'm not kidding - she's never even leaned up against the washing machine on the spin cycle.) Hanna doesn't even know the difference between an orgasm and a sneeze.

Also he's got that thing that hasn't quite cleared up yet.

But when Crispian makes Hanna an offer she can't refuse (Severed horse heads a very real possibility.) she is determined to forge on with the relationship in spite of the objections of her stoner friend Kate, her polyamorous Etsy addict mother and the rude retorts of her spiteful Inner Goddess.

Can Hanna change him? (No) Can she turn him into the kind of boyfriend she's always wanted? (Nope) And can she get over his deepest, darkest, pinkest secret and bring herself to love and tolerate My Little Brony? (Probably not - not if we want to wring a sequel out of this thing.)

Cool as a Cucumber (The Absurd Tales of Mr Griffs Book 2)

When there's a cockroach outbreak in the town of Cornville, only one man is as cool as a cucumber.

Mr Griffs isn't at all fazed by the cockroaches - not when he has a garden full of cucumbers. When news of his alternative remedy gets out, Mr Griffs is faced with an angry mob. Led by Steve Moran, Mr Griffs' arch nemesis, the cucumber thieves will stop at nothing to get what they want. Mr Griffs is forced to put aside his scientific research on wild bush turkeys and must do whatever is necessary to protect his flowerbeds, his garden, his house and his friends. Even if it means teaching Steve a lesson or two and setting the local council straight.

'Yes, the rumours are true. I do have home grown cucumbers and their skins deter cockroaches. They're also quite delicious, if I do say so myself. You can pickle them, put them in salads or even just eat them whole.'

Pathetic Sick Sniffy Pants: A funny, read-aloud, bedtime story for kids aged 5 to 9

[Insert the name of your child] travels back in time to Camelot and has some amazing - and rather odd - adventures while on a quest ... for shampoo.

This story appears in the collection "The Revolting Brains".

Smug Slug

The small-but-mighty tale of a sea slug who proves that he has what it takes to defeat a Great White shark, a venomous sea snake, and even a Giant Squid! Hilarious inspiration for kids, new graduates, and anyone else that needs a boost in confidence.

Raise Your Glass: Stuck in the Twilight Saga SPECIAL EDITION!

Often wonder what it is like from a guy's perceptive, being stuck in a line between two Twilight fans? This writer does! 'Raise Your Glass' is a harmless jab at the Twilight saga buzz.

It might offend some 'Twi-Hards' out there.

****

Reviews:

"This is really funny. My sister and my friend are on Team Edward and me and my friend's sister are on Team Jacob. We've had countless arguments like this when we're walking home from school. You captured the heated moments between Team Jacob fans and Team Edward fans. Awesome job."

"I've raised my beer to Ron, the next one will be raise in his honor as well. I watched the first Twilight movie and mourn that time lost. I also know what it's like to be forced to do something you don't want to by someone you love."

****

Reviews:

"I AM one of those crazy Twilight fans, and I appreciated this slice of TwiLife from the put-upon husband's point of view. "Next time you go to the bar, drink to Sir Ron: the man of all men." Cheers to you, Sir Ron. Lit-crazed book girls like me do indeed drag our boyfriends/girlfriends to things like this, so it made me smile."

"Wow... What a man! That woman has a good husband."

"This was hilarious."

Big Book of Nonsense Part 1

Jam-packed with the very best nonsense rhymes and tricky tongue-twisters, this wonderfully exuberant collection contains quirky, color illustrations from Colin West and lashings of his wildly wacky verse! With sections such as 'Moments with Monsters' and 'Curious Creatures' this brilliant book features poems and wordplay to satisfy nonsense-lovers everywhere!

The Bramble Patch of Katmandoodoo

A 2nd-person, read-aloud bedtime story for kids aged 4 to infinity ... where the listener is the star!

Onions make sandwiches tangy, so [insert the name of your child] goes off to the woods in search of the only onion in the world. But in the great Bramble Patch of Katmandoodoo lurk the dreaded Flinty-eyed Ninjas of Razzamatazz ...

Mastering the Real Paleo Diet: All You Can Eat Meat, and All You Can Handle Health and Leanness

"Be Perfect. Be Pure. Be Paleo."

Let's face it, modern humans are sick, fat, and pathetic. If only we could go back in time to the Stone Age when men were virile and strong, and women were free of menstrual cramps and birthed babies while carrying wild game on their backs. But wait, maybe we can! In his latest and most accessible book, Mastering the Real Paleo Diet, Dr. Willy Mammoth lays out the foundations for perfect health. It's simple, really. We just need to go back in time!

Evil Grains, Poisonous Dairy, and Deadly Agriculture

So if our ancestors were so healthy, happy, and strong, what the hell happened to us as a species? The answer is that we started eating all the wrong foods. Who cares if we've been eating grains and dairy for thousands of years--we never should have gone down that treacherous path in the first place. Cancer, heart disease, PMS, erectile dysfunction...it's a wonder we have even survived this long eating bread and cow milk. But survive we did, and now there is only one way back to health: Turn back! Be wild! Be free!

If You're Sitting on a Chair at a Computer, Then You Desperately Need This Book

Our Paleolithic ancestors had perfect posture and could have leaped tall buildings in a single bound (you know, if buildings had existed back then), and they didn't have computers, chairs, or cell phones. Obviously, this is why they enjoyed perfect health. After all, the paleo diet is not just a diet--it's a lifestyle. This book will help you to stop being so sick, sad, and sloppy with lifestyle recommendations that will change your life. You'll learn why it's essential to get out of that chair and start squatting today!

Download Mastering The Real Paleo Diet on Kindle now and read it while you stalk wild game in your loin cloth. (Spear sold separately.)

April Fools Pranks: 31 Pranks for the Office

31 April Fools Day Pranks you can play at the office. Rock solid full of good clean fun that should be ok for most office settings. If you have ever wanted to play a good April Fools Day Joke on someone and didn't know what to do, this little joke book has 31 good choices.

There are even good suggestions for what you can do even if you aren't good at playing practical jokes on your co-workers. Very little preparation or cost involved. Most of the 31 April Fools practical jokes cost nothing.

April 1st is coming and if you don't have this little April Fool prank book - you can be assured someone in your office does. Be warned!

Life Lessons, By Year

The saying "You're only young once" isn't really applicable to our generation. The time capsule that is Thought Catalog lets readers live it and relive it again. Many of our writers have gotten into a habit of composing year-in-review lists on the eve of their birthdays. Here, we've combined essays from writers 18-31 years of age. While desires and reactions might change from year to year, you'll notice that at every age, we all want the same thing: to waste less time worrying and more time doing.

SEX, BOTOX AND BLING (ONE Book 1)

Most of us have gone through periods of excitement and trauma in our lives which other people are unaware of. Perhaps they would be shocked if they knew, perhaps not?

This is the story of a group of lady friends of a certain age from a certain county in England who are fighting to hold back the ravages of time, by whatever means they can and for however long they can, each of them still wanting to be loved and needed and, to a certain extent, to show that they still have something to offer. From the outside they appear to have everything - money, family, lovely homes, endless holidays, plenty of free leisure time. But what has it taken for each of them to get there? How many times have they had to compromise along the way? Each of these ladies has at least one secret to share; each of these ladies has a past.

The friends meet up for a birthday lunch and it is in the restaurant that their stories begin to unfold. It is in the restaurant that we discover who they really are and whether we can identify with them or not. Do they inspire compassion, do we like them or are they simply shallow figures of fun? Their stories begin to unfold but there is much more to come .......

The Fault In Our Arse: A The Fault In Our Stars Parody

Connor Stodge is a normal 19 year old American, with abnormal bowel problems and a best friend called Quentin who is a bag full of spare pants and laxatives, who just sort of looks like a Quentin.

Connor's existence is a painful and disgusting one until he meets similarly-afflicted heartthrob September Loose, and his world is flushed with change. Pun intended.

Together the pair travel to the only restaurant in Paris, bother a recluse they have no business contacting, and learn the truth about love, life, spicy food, cucumbers and portion control.

The Fault In Our Arse is a tongue-in-cheek parody of the #1 New York times Bestseller, The Fault In Our Stars.

The Getaway Giraffe: A Preston Phillips Escapade

Charles Hawkins, Head teacher of Parkside School, lays down the law to his staff when planning a trip to the zoo. His simple rule for success is, 'Every child must be supervised at all times.' It is unfortunate then when Preston Phillips and Krunal Chatterjee, the two students he is supposed to be looking after, disappear from right under his nose. The worry for Mr. Hawkins is - where are they and what are they doing? As ever with Preston, trouble is just around the corner!

Coming soon...Will Mr. Hawkins take his revenge? Preston's next escapade is, Hindi with Hawkins.

Minecraft Monday: A Day in the Life of an Enderman: Live Action Minecraft Parody Storybook for Kids

What if the Endermen from Minecraft were REAL? What would their lives be like? Adventurous? Cheesy? Silly?

Follow one random Enderman to find out what his morning is like--by reading Minecraft Monday, a short storybook featuring epic pics of a living character from Minecraft! You might discover that they are not so different from us, after all!

(Or you might discover they are really very weird...)

MINECRAFT MONDAY has about 1,000 words and over 25 live action photos of an Enderman in action. It is fun and easy to read for early readers.

Note, this is a work of fan fiction; it is a unofficial parody and not associated in any way to Minecraft or Mojang. This is a picture storybook; it is not a full novel.



Thanks for reading!

Screwball

Hayward Templeton, a psychiatry grad student at the University of Iowa, grudgingly agrees to pitch in a co-ed baseball game. A stickler for research, he discovers online how to throw a screwball and excels at it. Hayward's team wins and while celebrating, they accidentally drop him on his head. As he lies on the ground unconscious, a few teammates discuss an upcoming psych quiz. Hayward unknowingly soaks it all in. When he comes to, he begins experiencing bizarre mental disorders -- on his way to the big leagues as a screwball pitcher.

Screwball is as screwball does ...

The secret diary of Barry Surreal

Despite being fictional, Barry Surreal's life has been a series of random non-linear events that may or may not be connected. This diary was found in a metal mop bucket with wheels on outside the School Janitor's cupboard over eight years ago and now for the first time ever, I (Kevin Spangles) can reveal the secrets behind Barry's St. Evander's School Orchestra musician of the year award preparations, the day he managed to get the top off a highlighter pen in a partially-haunted cupboard and the adventure(s) he had in the tunnel under the all-weather pitch (apart from the last two).

All the facts in this book are not facts and any resemblance the characters bear to people alive or living is purely intercontinental. Barry attended St. Evander's between the twentieth and thirtieth centuries and excelled in many subjects including but not limited to dinner time and playtime. His favourite food was Orange (the colour, not the fruit) and his favourite pastime was indolence.

"Hilarious" - The Daily Cardigan

"I laughed for minutes (not at this book)" - St. Evander's School Librarian

"More thrills than a broken roller coaster, more spills than a nervous man carrying a cup full of coffee" - The Thirtean Times

"Funnier than a trip to the dentist" - A Dentist

Follow Barry's hilarious* adventures on twitter @barry_surreal

*depends on your definitinon of hilarious

No More Honey Business: A Preston Phillips Escapade

Preston and Krunal's beekeeping business gets off the ground - but will it turn into a sting operation?

This is the 5th in a series of short stories featuring Preston and Krunal, and their long-suffering head teacher.

Look out for the next story, Neighbourhood Botch, in late August/early September.

Benjamin Byrde, Traveller Extraordinaire: Round One - Berkshire to Istanbul

In BENJAMIN BYRDE, Traveller Extraordinaire we follow the fate of a peculiar man who decides to relinquish his property, money and clothes, before setting off around the world, relying solely on the kindness and generosity of strangers. While several of his benefactors are indeed very strange, none are more eccentric than Mr Byrde himself, whose tales stretch even the most malleable imagination.

This first volume of unique travel memoirs transports us from leafy Berkshire to sultry Istanbul and gives us a blow-by-blow account of his varying fortunes along the way. Ever the optimist, Benjamin tackles every obstacle with his customary zeal, and the fifty-seven-year-old displays great powers of self-preservation, despite never having worked due to his singular way of seeing the world.

England, France, Germany, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and a bit of Turkey are the countries he visits, and Benjamin's 'Byrde's-eye view' of Europe is like no other ever published in our time.

Listed under: Humour - Parodies

Please 'look inside' before purchasing.

Wario: The Funniest Wario Jokes & Memes (Nintendo Jokes)

Get Access To The Funniest Wario Jokes & Memes!

Today only, get this Amazon bestseller for just $2.99. Regularly priced

at $4.99. Read on your PC, Mac, smart phone, tablet or Kindle device.

You're about to discover the most hilarious Wario jokes & memes. This book is full of the funniest Wario jokes. Learn about one of Nintendo's most beloved characters and all the funny,silly, and hilarious jokes that go along with him!

Download your copy today!

Take action today and learn everything you've ever wanted to know about Wario jokes & memes! Download this book "Wario: The Funniest Wario Jokes & Memes" for a limited time discount of only $2.99!

Tags: Super Mario, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros Books, Super Mario Bros Game, Pokemon, Pikachu, Super Mario Jokes, Nintendo, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Zelda, Yoshi, Wario, Peach, Pokemon Jokes

A Gila Monster From aFarr

When a science teacher finds himself cursed to live the life of a Gila monster, he must convince a high school student to help him break the spell.

Mr. Bond and the Last Laugh (Scott F Neve's Prequels, Sequels and Parodies Book 6)

Mr. Bond was the type of British gentleman who enjoyed the best. Yet now he was not wearing a playboy's smoking jacket. He was trapped in an ornate silk straight jacket. There was no Swedish masseuse or nubile protege to rescue him from his boredom. This was all too real. The dapper hero of the world was imprisoned in a mental hospital being interviewed by his Oriental physician. "Tell me all about your love life," the doctor demanded with dry humor. The handsome spy's face twisted into a wry grin as he laughed and then he asked, "Where should I begin?"

Super Mario Bros: The Funniest Super Mario Bros Jokes & Memes Volume 2

Get Access To The Funniest Super Mario Bros Jokes!

Today only, get this Amazon bestseller for just $2.99. Regularly priced

at $4.99. Read on your PC, Mac, smart phone, tablet or Kindle device.

You're about to discover the most hilarious Super Mario Bros jokes. This book is full of the funniest Super Mario Bros jokes. Learn about Nintendo's most beloved characters and all the funny,silly, and hilarious jokes that go along with them!

Download your copy today!

Take action today and learn everything you've ever wanted to know about Super Mario Bros Jokes! Download this book "Super Mario Bros: The Funniest Super Mario Bros Jokes & Memes Volume 2" for a limited time discount of only $2.99!

Tags: Super Mario, Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros Books, Super Mario Bros Game, Pokemon, Pikachu, Super Mario Jokes, Nintendo

What Men Do to Women: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

In life, I was a "radical lesbian feminist."

I was one of the leading voices of the feminist and Women's Rights movement of the Twentieth Century. The work that I started is still being carried out today by the millions of feminists I inspired over the years.

I broke new ground by exploring the idea of women finding personal fulfillment outside of their traditional roles. I helped advance the Women's Rights movement. As an icon in the Women's Rights movement, I did more than write about confining gender stereotypes--I became a force for change. I fought for abortion rights. I wanted women to have a greater role in the political process.

In 1999, I left Tammany College after a male student dressed as a woman threatened suit when I denied "her" a place in my class on Feminist Ethics. I had long limited enrollment in my Advanced Women's Studies classes to birthed women only maintaining that the presence of men there would inhibit frank discussion.

You know how I feel about men who attempt to become women without having the experience of growing up and suffering as women all their lives.

You know my credentials: Before obtaining my two doctorates in Sacred Theology and Existential Phenomenology from Olinger University, I received my B.A. with honors in English from Our Lady of the Flowers Seminary, my M.A. in Philosophy from The Papal College of Saints in Rome, and my D.Litt. in Renaissance Literature [in the first column] from Hudson University.

I taught classes at Olinger University from 1977 to 2009 including classes in feminist theology, feminist ethics, and deplorable patriarchy.

In Meditations on Radical Feminism (1988), I showed how men throughout history have used, oppressed, brutalized, vandalized, humiliated, tortured, raped, beaten, castrated, murdered, stoned, mutilated, and beheaded women. I moved beyond my previous thoughts on the history of patriarchy to focus on the actual practices that, in my view, perpetuate patriarchy--which I consider a horrific, disorganized religion.

My Pure Heat: Elemental Sexual Philosophy (1999) introduced and explored an alternative language to explain the processes of exorcism, witchcraft, and ecstasy. I provided definitions as well as chants to be used by women to free themselves from patriarchal oppression. I also explored the labels that patriarchal society places on women to prolong what I see as the male domination of society. You may remember I said that it is the role of women to reject the debilitating labels such as "hag," "witch," "bitch," "bag lady," "whore," "fat," "dumb," and "lunatic." And I described in great detail my conversations with aZazelo, the Moon Goddess.

I define patriarchy as "a society manufactured and controlled by males"--The Fatherland. A society in which every legitimate institution is entirely in the hands of males and a few selected henchwomen. A society that is characterized by oppression, repression, depression, narcissism, cruelty, racism, classism, ageism, speciesism, objectification, sadomasochism, necrophilia, and the rest--a joyless society ruled by the Godfather, the Son, and the Roly Poly Ghost; a society fixated on proliferation, purgation, and perversion--bent on the destruction of all life.

We live in a profoundly anti-female society, a misogynistic "civilization" in which men collectively victimize women, attacking us as personifications of their own paranoid fears, as The Enemy. Within this society it is men who rape, who sap women's energy, who deny women economic and political power.

I hate them.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Mr. Bond and the Rapturous Reward (Scott F Neve's Prequels, Sequels and Parodies Book 8)

Short Story Satire!

A mysterious Dragon Queen had placed a contract on the hide of Mr. Bond. She demanded that he be delivered to her alive. The only stipulation was that the bounty would only be paid to a female.

Suddenly every girl that the infamous spy had ever bedded came out of their closets of solitude. Each nation had lethal vixens with a bone to pick with Dear James. And each Bond girl was overly eager to collect the fortune and fame of bagging the prodigious lover. The bodacious bounty hunters hunted him down like the dog that he was.

Bond grew weary of being the prey of a Women Only safari that covered every continent. All run and no play was making James a dull witted boy. Besides, fleeing from gorgeous women was unnatural for him. Finally he allowed himself to be captured.

PAY BACK ZIN JUDGES WHO FAVOR TEQUILA MIX: 91 Novel Pangrams (Illustrated)

PANGRAM: a sentence that contains every letter of the alphabet at least once; usually minimal duplicate letters are allowed only as necessary.

Examples: "We have liquor and expect goofy zombie jokes." and "Cheap men gazed above exquisite fake jewelry."

91 novel pangrams are included in this book although some were included in an earlier offering by these authors a few years ago. Many of the pangrams have simple clip-art illustrations that accompany them, and five attempts at PERFECT PANGRAMS are also included (A perfect pangram has each letter occurring just once).

Most of the pangrams here use each consonant only once and have repeat usage of vowels. Enjoy.

Poems of Desire and Murder

Jeremy Felliwell, one of England's finest stalkers, shares some of his personal poetry, the themes of which centre around the dark act of murder, and the varied emotions that come with passionate desire. Readers can relax to Jeremy's ode to a piece of liver, or ponder with him over the mystery of 'The Smell'. Discover what Jeremy does with his vacuum, and share his delight when he reveals the secret of the river. This special edition also includes additional instructions on how to play Jeremy's favourite game, which he calls 'I love my nanny'. 'Poems of Desire and Murder' is the second short book of prose by Jeremy Felliwell (as told to Mark C Sutton), the first being 'Jeremy's Little Book of Stalker Greetings Card Messages'. Jeremy is also the lead character in the full-length novels 'Jeremy and the Summer of Stalking' and its sequel 'Jeremy and the Winter of the World-Wide Stalker', both of which are available as kindle books on Amazon. Further Jeremy shenanigans can be explored in the short books 'The Pervert At The Beach' and 'Jeremy's Swollen Balls'.

Other books by the author:

Grandad Miller, Serial Killer

The Dead Winter Mountain Murders

Bingo and Bullets

Punk Slut

Punk Slut Rides Again

Gilbert and Sulliman, and the Curse of the Red Spider

The Round Guide to Morality

Passion and Lust at Medrig Manor by Anne Thickett

As Thickett as Shit

Coming soon...

Cuthbert Flopper, Psycho Copper

The Black Pathway

Don't Tell Ma: I Knocked Up a Guy

This is the incredible but true story of a man who meets a beautiful woman, or thinks he's met a woman.

He becomes involved in a wild on/off relationship that culminates in two shocking occurrences.



As one reviewer put it, "this is what you'd get if Springsteen wrote a Seinfeld episode - dark, compelling, scandalous, but hilarious".

Who Is the Community Zionist?: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I died on July 25, 2016, in a hospital in San Diego, California after suffering from a stroke, age 90.

On the eve of my death, ministry partners, fans, and friends urgently asked for prayers on social media, offering a wave of early tributes that spread through end-times prophecy circles and chapters of Concerned Feminists for America (CFA), the 800,000-member public policy organization founded by my wife. Some circulated a statement by my son: "He will not recover from this, he will soon be graduated to Heaven."

And I did graduate to Heaven. But Heaven is not what I expected it to be.

We have gambling casinos here. You always win. We have rigged elections. You always win. There's a Megachurch anybody can join. Donations flow in. For people who like golf, there is a championship golf course designed by Robert Trent Jones. There is never any wait. Gourmet specialties are cooked to your order and served at any time of the day or night. And you never gain weight--no matter how much sugar-sweetened soft drinks, pasta, or fatty deep fried foods you eat. But if you just want to chill out and loaf and listen to music, why, that's all right, too.

In life, I believed with all my heart that the return of Jesus was imminent.

I was a harsh critic of the Community, which I considered a false religion. The Community is more dangerous than no religion because the Community substitutes religion for truth. In the history of the Community, the Boss has been the archpriest of Satan, a deceiver, and an antichrist, who has, like Judas, gone to his own very special reward.

Before I died, I prophesied mass slaughters and the end of the world. In the recent vicious hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, and fires, in the widespread violence of state-supported terrorism and terrorism by lone wolfs and nut cases, I find my prophesy coming true. It is The Apocalypse Now! From where I sit here in Heaven, I can tell you that God is behind all of the insanity in your mad, mad, mad, mad world--and She's mad as hell!

Sinners, it is not too late to repent and mend your ways!

The arms sales, the wars, the virulent language, the sexual abuse, the human trafficking, the hypocrisy, the vicious Patriarchy, and the rest MUST END NOW!

You are living in the time of the Community Zionist.

In life, I was a prolific author. I wrote 1,084 books (first in the Guinness Book of Records), both fiction and non-fiction. Of course, I really didn't write them. A KNOW ANGEL, working directly for God, infused with God's Holy Spirit, used me to create God's Books of Revelations.

Who Is the Community Zionist? consists of random thoughts from a non-random source. As you read Who Is the Community Zionist?, connect the jots.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Winning Is For Winners: the ultimate self-help book for winners (Flushtome 3)

This is a book written by winners, for fellow winners.

FreeCoolJokes: Yo Mama Jokes

A Collection of FreeCoolJokes About Yo Mama! Start Your Week Off With A Bang, By Reading FreeCoolJokes Yo Mama Collection Of Knee Slapping, Funny Jokes, Insults, And One Liners!

Homeownership Disease: The Saga of Owen Cash

Welcome to the world of Owen Cash, a man pushed finally to conform with society and pursue his own slice of the Great American Dream: Homeownership. He journeys forth to battle the trials of financial planning (negative amortization--what the hell is that?), house hunting (kids, go slice that family's tires), and mortgage applications (you need an ultrasound of my kidneys?!), all to please family and society and join the ranks of responsible, landed Americans--just at the height of the real estate boom (ka-pow!).

Shyism

A book about a shy person and the difficulties he faces. This book is a story that shows the impact discrimination against shy people has on shy people. Shy people often go mad due to the impact and frustration that not getting work, and being bullied.

Follow the story of Mickey as he faces trouble with bullies and struggles getting a job.

This is a fiction story, and is not based on a real person but takes the agglomeration of stories of other people.

How Mickey faces the demons that shy people have to face in society. The problems of bullying and discrimination against shy people.

Newcastle United's Worst Ever Players

Locally produced guide to the worst players to have played for Newcastle United.

Newcastle United's Greatest Ever Games

If you've supported Newcastle United long enough you will have experienced every single emotion that it is possible for a human being to feel. You'll know how it feels to win 8-0 despite being bottom of the league and you'll know the delight of winning a game at Highbury, outplaying the opposition in the process. However, you'll also know the desolation of losing 7-3 with a team of 11 supposed internationals, the pain that is seeing Frank Pingel introduced as a second half substitute because he is better than what's already out there and you'll wince at the names of Graeme Fenton and Ronnie Radford which will tap directly into your nervous system and cause at least one, if not all, of your limbs to spasm. You'll have seen goals to grace the Maracana and mistakes to grace You've Been Framed. You'll have seen players from both ends of the spectrum on the same pitch at the same time and wonder how a player like Alan Shearer could have been in a position where he'd been asked to interact in some way with Albert Luque, Des Hamilton and Silvio Maric for the greater good. So come with me now as we take a look at some of the greatest and not-so-great games in this wonderful clubs glittering history."

Winging It!: Confessions of an Angel In Training

Ever decided to do something that seemed like a good idea and in the second before there's no turning back think, I musta been totally mental when I came up with this? And, then, Oh, well, here goes. That's how Angel-In-Training Grace Lightbourne felt right before she asked the Big Kahuna to go straight to Earth on a mission as a Guardian Angel. The problem? She never was a great student and now she won't even finish her last three years of school. To make matters worse, Archangel Michael isn't happy about her special assignment, but Grace is convinced she's on a fast track to her wings. How hard can it be? She's working with humans, after all. Winging It!, the first book in the Angel-in-Training series, is an irreverent, light hearted take on Angels, Heaven and everything else that's divine.

Super Silly Jokes for Kids

The Premier League's Worst Ever Players

Did Francis Jeffers ever keep you awake at night? Did you slap yourself in the face each time you witnessed an Eric Djemba-Djemba attack-splitting pass? Did Titus Bramble cause you to eat your match programme in frustration? Then this is the book you've been waiting for. Relive all your least favourite Premier League moments by taking a journey back through the maze of frustration, disillusionment and failure that is the Premier League's worst ever players. Grimace, wince and sob as you take a trip down the derelict end of memory lane, through a history of the Premier League's most inept, incompetent, overpaid and under-talented exponents of the beautiful game. Players who looked terrified whenever the ball came within twenty yards of them, players who would struggle to make the bench for their son's under-7's team and players who surprised you by managing to make it onto the field wearing the correct strip. If you've ever watched a Premier League player and wondered how they managed to turn professional and you didn't, if you were left speechless as they were allowed to continue spreading their misery well into the second half, if they rang Graeme Souness pretending to be George Weah's cousin or if they left you dumbfounded at the fact they'd managed to convince someone to pay them a wage to represent your hopes and dreams, you'll find them all here.

Shopping for a Billionaire 1

When mystery shopper Shannon Jacoby meets billionaire Declan McCormick with her hand down a toilet in the men's room of one of his stores, it's love at first flush in this hilarious new romantic comedy from New York Times bestselling author Julia Kent.

Work Wife Balance

'This is well-written, very funny and I raced through it, occasionally squealing in horror at the antics of Kate's colleagues. It's also a joy to read about a strong woman with a big job and fiery opinions, a nice antidote to the sugary sweet sort of chick lit.' DAILY MAIL. Kate King is furiously flailing to keep afloat. As her team bicker, finger-point and cheat their way through rumours of sackings and site closures, her ill-tempered husband is becoming increasingly embittered and secretive. Kate knows she must address his petulant question: "Surely there's more to life than this?" but all her energies are required to dodge the corporate bullets constantly fired in her direction. Under pressure from an attractive, younger colleague, Kate is also concerned by her sudden invisibility to the opposite sex and the alarming appearance of back fat. Disturbingly, beige knitwear has started to call to her from the shelves of M&S. Growing more and more suspicious of her husband's activities, pressure builds on Kate both at work and at home until her turbulent year reaches its climactic end. Can she continue to balance precariously between work and marriage, or is one end of the scales going to hit the ground with a resounding thud?

Three Girls and a Baby

Hard to Find book

Spanish Journals: The Posthumous Diary of an Expat: Part Two: Invasion

- 'This diary, written by my late husband Ernest Postlethwaite, has been published expressly against his wishes, but with the full and hearty endorsement of my family and friends.' - From the introduction to Part One by Pamela Postlethwaite, Javea, Spain, December 2012 This second instalment of Ernest Postlethwaite's ground-breaking journal charters the continuing progress of a man on a mission to achieve cultural and linguistic integration in a small village in southern Spain. As summer approaches, our hero finds himself confronted by undesirable interruptions to the smooth running of his new life, in the shape of summer visitors. How will a man so tethered to the soil and immersed in the life of his new country cope with this alien invasion? This unadulterated manuscript will bring tears to the eyes of the most hard-hearted amongst us, as we follow his footsteps even further into the great unknown. (This is a fictional diary.) By the same author: 'Barry Braithwaite's Last Life', 'The Year that Crime Paid', and 'Thirty Brief Tales from England and Spain'

I fancied you until I saw you yawn

A collection of short, dark and spectacularly funny poetry that explores an alternative view of modern life. From using the cash machine, to sitting on the loo, "I fancied you until I saw you yawn" will take you on a journey you'll never forget. Brace yourself for the ride of your life!

Year of the Brute (A Brute Story)

Angus Adams: the adventures of a free-range kid: Volume 1 (The Free-Range Kid Mysteries)

As a free range kid, Angus is allowed to do things other kids his age aren't - like play in the street and hang out at the park without adults (shock, horror!) But when he's accused of stealing an iPhone from school, Angus must use all of his brains, resilience, and courage to catch the real thief, clear his name, and outwit the seriously bad dudes hot on his tail!

The Law of Attraction: Volume 1 (Lawyers In Love)

A funny, hot, and sexy new release from N.M. Silber Once upon a time two lawyers fell in love across a courtroom ... Gabrielle Ginsberg was a public defender with plenty of nerve and Braden Pierce was an assistant district attorney with a whole lot of swagger. Gabrielle wanted Braden and Braden wanted Gabrielle. And Cameron wanted Gabrielle. And Marla wanted Braden. And Cole wanted Gabrielle. And Mrs. Mason wanted Braden. And an anonymous letter writer wanted to keep Gabrielle and Braden apart. Together Gabrielle and Braden discovered many important things, like which doors at the courthouse actually locked, and that desks could be useful for more than writing. They also found out that the path of love was not always smooth, and it was sometimes trod upon by some really wacky people, like a confused fanny grabber, an eighty-two year old pothead and a gentleman who threw a wine and cheese party in his pants. Could true love overcome a lack of privacy, interference by jealous rivals and the insanity of the criminal court system? NOTICE: This book contains explicit descriptions of sexual situations and mature language. It is intended for readers over the age of eighteen.

Gobsmacked

Sergeant Smelly & Captain Chunder Save The Day

Will the evil Onionman conquer the world and fulfil his dream of world domination? Will Sergeant Smelly's fire-farts defeat the evil forces of doom and despair? Can the newly formed superhero duo of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder save the day? Will farting ever stop being funny? Find out the answers to these questions and many more in the hilarious adventures of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder.

Stanley Stickle Hates Homework: Volume 1

Stanley Stickle HATES homework and he'll do almost anything to get out of doing it. In Stanley Stickle HATES homework, Stanley discovers that there is a Big Test coming up at school.To prepare for the Big Test everyone is to be given EXTRA homework and Stanley thinks he gets too much of it already. Stanley hatches a cunning plan to get out of doing the test but when his master plan fails he becomes increasingly desperate.

Friends With Partial Benefits (Friends With. Benefits Series (Book 1))

Filled with passion, longing, surprises and humor, Friends With Partial Benefits, the first novel in the four-book series, is hard to put down and will leave you laughing out loud and slightly sleep deprived. Jillian Grayson is a disillusioned divorcee and best-selling romance novelist who suddenly can't write a chapter without her hunky male heartthrob suffering ED, an STD, or even worse. Brian Nash is a tennis-obsessed college senior who's unlucky in love and the roommate and best friend of Jillian's son, Rob. When Rob brings Brian home for Spring Break, and Brian meets the surprisingly young and tennis passionate Jillian, their shared interest quickly develops into an intense mutual attraction. After nearly giving in to their feelings, they hatch a plan, while under the influence (of something more than just the perfect Miami night), to be Friends With Partial Benefits, complete with rules to define the boundaries. Will the lonely pair continue with this distinctive relationship, actually explore their desires, or discover all of it is a really bad idea?"

Drive, Ride, Repeat: The Mostly True Account of a Cross-Country Car and Bicycle Adventure

This book is wildly funny. I lost track of how many times I laughed out loud. - Kathleen, Amazon Reviewer Author Al Macy is a character and a tightwad with a unique sense of humor. He and his wife squirreled away enough money to retire early, do interesting things, and take unusual trips. As he puts it: "Every day I wake up with nothing to do, and by the end of the day, I've only gotten half of it done." During his working life, Macy was a neuroscientist, computer game programmer, jazz trombonist, chef, CEO, piano player, clam digger, and technical writer. The book is a journal of a car/bicycle/camping trip from California to St. Louis and back, but Macy promises that "if it starts sounding like one of your brother-in-law's boring slide shows, I will stop this book, and we'll turn around and go home. I mean it." Interspersed with the journal chapters, you'll find thought-provoking life tips, stories from the past, and descriptions of Al's wacky inventions. You'll hear poignant anecdotes about what happened when doctors discovered a golf-ball-sized tumor in his wife's brain and how everything they owned burned. But it's not a downer--trust me!

Confessions of a Queen B*: Volume 1 (The Queen B*)

Alexis Wyndham is the other type of Queen B-the Queen B*tch. After years of being the subject of ridicule, she revels in her ability to make the in-crowd cower via the exposes on her blog, The Eastline Spy. Now that she's carved out her place in the high school hierarchy, she uses her position to help the unpopular kids walking the hallways. Saving a freshman from bullies? Check. Swapping insults with the head cheerleader? Check. Falling for the star quarterback? So not a part of her plan. But when Brett offers to help her solve the mystery of who's posting X-rated videos from the girls' locker room, she'll have to swallow her pride and learn to see past the high school stereotypes she's never questioned-until now."

Claiming Victory: A Romantic Comedy: Volume 1 (The Dartmouth Diaries)

Claiming Victory is a funny contemporary romantic comedy that will appeal to every woman who still believes fairy tales can come true... ..."So let me get this straight Admiral. Your plan is to somehow get the most famous actor in the world, to fall in love with your daughter Victory, who we both love dearly, but - and please don't take offence Sir - who you yourself admit is built generously across the aft, and whose face is unlikely to launch the Dartmouth ferry, let alone a thousand ships..." Victory Shackleford is a spinster, or at least well on the way to becoming one. She is thirty two years old, still lives with her father - an eccentric retired Admiral, and the love of her life is a dog. She thinks her father is reckless, irresponsible, and totally incapable of looking after himself. He thinks his daughter is a boring nagging harpy with no imagination or sense of adventure and what's more, he's determined to get her married off. Unfortunately there's no one in the picturesque yachting town of Dartmouth that Tory is remotely interested in, despite her father's best efforts. But all that is about to change when she discovers that her madcap father has rented out their house as a location shoot for the biggest blockbuster of the year. As cast and crew descend, Tory's humdrum orderly existence is turned completely upside down, especially as the lead actor has just been voted the sexiest man on the planet... Full of romantic humor, Claiming Victory is a must for fans of funny love stories - especially quirky British Romantic comedies.

The Troll Trap (Smelly Trolls)

'Brilliant - Kids will laugh themselves silly' - The Independent. Rufus Sebbleford is the only boy in the world to have ever seen a real troll. So, when he finds out that trolls plan to attack Sludgeside School, he must stop them with the help of his good friend Polly. Meanwhile, the Super-Troll-Knobbly-Foot family decide to turn their backs on smelly bottoms and eating children. They don't want to be bad any more. So, they paint themselves orange and try to live like humans. However, being enormous, horned and slimy makes it difficult to blend in. Will Sludgeside ever be safe from the disgusting bad trolls and their horrifying leader, The Ogre of Uggle? A stinky, squelchy adventure packed with secret dens, tree climbing, troll traps and lots and lots of revolting smells. Reading age 8-10. Ideal to read aloud to younger children.

Max's Revenge: A wedding, a party and a plate of dog food stew: Volume 1 (The Max Books)

Max is out for revenge. In The Wedding, Max gets dumped from being the pageboy at his uncle's wedding. A five year old takes his place. Max isn't happy and he knows who is to blame. His evil aunt. Max wants revenge. Not just any revenge; but clever, satisfying revenge. Will he get his chance before the wedding is over? In Dog Food Stew, Max uncovers his aunt's evil plan to sell his nanna's house. But Max has a plan of his own. Will he stop his nanna's house from being sold and get revenge on his evil aunt? Revenge can be sweet, but it can also leave a funny taste. Book Categories: Adventure books for kids 9-12 Action books for kids 9-12 Series books for kids age 9-12 Children's adventure books age 9-12 Please scroll up and click the Look Inside feature on the top left hand side of the page.

151+ Blonde Jokes: Funny Blonde Jokes

The Funniest Blonde Jokes in the World!Did you know that laughing can have a positive physical and mental effects on the body! Laughter can lower blood pressure, lighten tense situations, and help you bond with friends and family. Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit from the positive effects of comedy and humor! You'll love this hilarious joke book. Share a funny joke with a friend today!151+ funny blonde jokesHilarious blonde insults and humorHours of funny jokes and entertainmentAre you looking for funny and hilarious blonde jokes?With this MASSIVE collection of funny blonde jokes you can make everyone laugh! This book full of funny blonde jokes is perfect for any occasion. You and your friends will laugh for hours at this funny joke book.Uses for funny jokes...Can aid in story-tellingGreat for conversation startersImproves conversation and social skillsCan make others laugh, smile, and be more playfulCan lighten tense moods and create repoire with othersLaugh until it hurts...Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?A: Someone said that the drinks were on the house.Funny Blonde Jokes!Q: How would a blonde kill a fish?A: She would try to drown it.HAHA!Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?A: Put her in front of a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say hello.Funny Blonde Jokes!Q: Why don't blondes like audio-books?A: There are no pictures.HAHA!Q: What is dumber than the blonde jokes above?A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.Funny Blonde Jokes!LOL Funny Jokes ClubThe LOL Funny Jokes Club is dedicated to comedy. We'll tickle your funny bone with our side-splitting jokes and humor. Whether it's funny and hilarious one-liners, dirty adult jokes, or laugh-out-loud rib tickling knee slappers, the LOL Funny Jokes Club does it all! Laugh until it hurts!Scroll up and click "buy" to start laughing now!Tags: blonde jokes, b

The Future and Why We Should Avoid It: Killer Robots, the Apocalypse and Other Topics of Mild Concern

The future holds many unknowns: advances in medical technology, increased airport security and critical new inventions like sentient, polygraph-enabled, wireless toasters. Luckily, Maclean's columnist Scott Feschuk has written a survival guide -- part how-to manual, part product guide, part apocalypse analysis and part sardonic observation -- to help us navigate these troubled times. Or at least make us laugh while we try. The Future and Why We Should Avoid It envisions the daunting, depressing era we have to look forward to with the best of Feschuk's musings on aging, death, technology, inventions, health and leisure. Combining quizzes, voiceovers and speeches, and employing snark, innuendo, toilet humor and shameless mockery -- because how else do you cope with the fact that one day you will die? -- Feschuk contemplates the fate of humanity and the planet in the upcoming years, poking fun, provoking thought and dredging up silver linings in even the darkest forecasts.

Foggy's Blog

The Mucky Princess

A Very Foggy Christmas

I am Morten Astley Fogarty - insurance complaint handler, part-time barista and all-round entertainer. My career at the Perypils call centre has really taken off since my colleagues all voted for me to leave the team and transfer to complaints; I was chuffed to bits at being chosen! I love helping our customers resolve their concerns and as I've only received three death threats so far, I'm clearly doing something right. On Sundays, I work with an extremely talented Chef, Joe, who trained under the calming influence of Gordon Ramsay. Joe's party-trick is to hurl his bread knife through the kitchen hatch towards my head. He always deliberately misses, of course; we do have such fun! My girlfriend, Myra, is a wonderful actress and our director has tried her in lots of different positions. I know Myra is desperate to secure a leading part in our Christmas production, The Wizard of Oz and she has been scouring eBay for ruby slippers, size 9. Let's hope she can continue to satisfy the director!

Kiss a Girl in the Rain: Volume 1 (Take a Chance)

In this sexy, humorous contemporary romance, a lost dog brings together a wealthy drifter and a small town doctor and changes all their lives forever. Evan Chance is a man out to complete the bucket list he made as a kid, starting with ride a motorcycle across America. Caitlyn Sorenson is the sexy country doctor standing in his way. Or is she the dream he's been searching for? Evan's Amazing Life List 1. Ride a motorcycle across America 2. Kiss a girl in the rain 3. Swim in every ocean... When Evan Chance gives up a successful corporate law career to tackle the bucket list he wrote when he was twelve, he has no idea where the road will lead him. Caitlyn Sorenson is a happily settled small town doctor. When a sexy drifter rolls into town after a motorcycle accident leaves him stranded in Miller's Pond for a few days with the homeliest dog ever, she can smell trouble even as she's drawn to a man who is only passing through town. But some scorching hot nights and a blooming tenderness mean two people will have to face up to the challenges of love. From USA Today Bestselling Author Nancy Warren comes the first in an exciting new series of sexy, humorous romances about a family named Chance. New York Times Bestselling author Lori Foster calls Nancy's writing 'sexy and wonderfully witty.' Fans of Bella Andre, Kristin Higgins and Susan Mallery will enjoy Kiss a Girl in the Rain.

If The Shoe Fits: Once Upon A Romance, Book 1: Volume 1

What happens when a modern day Cinderella's dreams don't involve getting married? Romance? Love? In this Once Upon A Romance Series Book 1 romantic comedy, Charlotte (Charlie) King doesn't have time for either one. All she wants is her late father's dream to come true by making his beloved King's Department Store thrive again. However, her stepmother has other ideas. Charlie agrees to help her stepmother find grooms for her sheltered stepsisters. In exchange, the stepmother will release her stronghold on the budget for the store. After all, one good deed deserves another, right? But, Charlie has no idea what her heart's in for when ... Alexander (Alex) Royale, dubbed by society newspapers as Prince Charming, arrives for dinner to meet the all-female King family. His ailing grandparents yearn for his marriage and then the baby carriage. Well, that and running the family company at the same time. Having unsuccessfully searched for months, Alex doesn't hold out any hope in finding his future bride among the King sisters. However, all his expectations, including his idea of a business-like marriage of convenience, vanish the moment Charlie crashes into him. When Alex sets out to win over Charlotte, he has no idea he has to bargain with the stepmother, secretly buy the store, court Charlotte after the wedding, and, oh yeah, be featured in Charlie's new fairy tale ad campaign, the Charmings, based on them. Can a guy ever get a break? The couple never factored in falling in love with each other. Now, faced with losing all their families ever wanted, Charlie and Alex must choose: Do they live their families' dreams or do they finally live their own? Once Upon A Romance Series: If The Shoe Fits, Book 1 Waking Sleeping Beauty, Book 2 Taming McGruff, Book 3

Senseless Attraction

Poverty Reduction Policies and Practices in Developing Asia (Economic Studies in Inequality, Social Exclusion and Well-Being)

This book looks at the major policy challenges facing developing Asia and how the region sustains rapid economic growth to reduce multidimensional poverty through socially inclusive and environmentally sustainable measures. Asia is facing many challenges arising from population growth, rapid urbanization, provision of services, climate change and the need to redress declining growth after the global financial crisis. This book examines poverty and related issues and aims to advance the development of new tools and measurement of multidimensional poverty and poverty reduction policy analysis. The book covers a wide range of issues, including determinants and causes of poverty and its changes; consequences and impacts of poverty on human capital formation, growth and consumption; assessment of poverty strategies and policies; the role of government, NGOs and other institutions in poverty reduction; rural-urban migration and poverty; vulnerability to poverty; breakdown of poverty into chronic and transitory components; and a comparative study on poverty issues in Asia and other regions. The book will appeal to all those interested in economic development, resources, policies and economic welfare and growth.

Love Love

Gabrielle Willis is smart. She's funny. And oh yes, she's a bit klutzy. When Gabrielle left sunny California bound for the energy of Manhattan, she was willingly leaving the life she had known for the new life she would create. But was she really leaving something behind or was she running away? On the outside, Gabrielle Willis has it all under control. A new life in Manhattan, a great roommate, and a good job. But she is haunted. Haunted by a memory she's tried to forget and by a family who's abandoned her. But what happens when what's on the outside is only an illusion and in perfect contradiction to what's buried deep within? Enter Dane Rhodes. He's gorgeous, smart, and sexy as hell. Just what Gabby wants, or so she thinks. But when she meets Brad Dixon, the sweet guy with the crooked smile, he begins to make her see that the very thing she is trying to run from is the very thing that just may push her to see the light. **This book contains mature language and sexual content and is only recommended for readers 17 and older.**

Book Simulator

MachoPoni

Fixers

Chez Stinky: Volume 1 (An Alpine Grove Romantic Comedy)

Kat Stevens is a slightly insecure, mostly bored technical writer who likes her cat a lot more than her boss. She hasn't laid eyes on her great aunt Abigail since she was eight, so she's stumped when she inherits Abgail's house in the small hamlet of Alpine Grove. Kat's uncomplicated life gets decidedly less so when she discovers the inheritance comes with some hairy conditions: four dogs and five cats that her aunt wanted her to love as her own. Of course, the house smells like a barn - with a touch of antique skunk - and, naturally, has serious roof issues. And that's before the three-legged cat gets stuck in the wall and the shower goes kablooey. When Kat meets Joel, an unemployed techie type with no love lost for his sister, Kat looks past his obvious flaws, given his timely and desirable skill set: a talent for fixing things (and his own tools). Despite out-of-control dogs, cat fights, dust dinosaurs, massive spiders and an old grizzled hippie passed out in the yard, Kat discovers the tranquility of the forests of Alpine Grove starting to seep into her soul. And why she can't she stop thinking about Joel?

The United States of Air: A Satire

Food Enforcement Agent Jason Frolick believes in America. He believes in eating air. He struggles to get the food monkey off his back. As part of the Global War on Fat, his job is to put food terrorists in Fat Camp. When a pizza dealer gets whacked in the park across the street from the Thin House, the Prophet Jones himself asks Frolick to investigate. For the first time ever, Frolick solves a murder--but what he finds out shakes his faith. Will he ever be able to eat air again?

Tweets from an inebriated mind: A night of a thousand tweets

Ever drunk-tweeted? Ever regretted it or thought it was the best night of your life? Then this isn't the book for you! Follow Barry Surreal (or don't, it's up to you) as he goes to the pub, has a few pints, some crisps and has a go on the juke box all whilst attempting to tweet 1000 times in one night - basically anything that comes to mind whether it's funny, poignant, thought-provoking, boring or another category. Barry is fictional and he has never drank a pint of beer or any other liquid for that matter but don't let that stop you reading the book - it's hilarious or awful - you decide (or don't, it's up to you).

Finding Harmony: Cypress Corners Book 1: Volume 1

A country girl committed to nature. A city guy with his eye on the bottom line. A battle of wills...a battle for balance And a love that can tip the scales Rick Chapman is climbing to the top rung of his father's corporate ladder. Fulfilling Chapman Financial's contract at Cypress Corners, Florida will finally prove his value to the company. And to his father. But one endangered weed, and the pretty plant girl trying to save it, could really screw up his plans. Harmony Brooks loves her job as a plant conservationist at Cypress Corners, and the money she earns allows her to make up for a former boyfriend's betrayal. He not only stole her parents' money, he stole her heart. And that's something she won't ever risk again. But opposites attract, not that she or Rick ever expected to fall in love. Can Harmony prove to Rick that he's worth so much more than his father's approval? Or is Rick so blind he can't see that loving Harmony is worth losing what he's wanted for so long?

Bearded

Bud's Love Bus

A Fart Apart

Fartin' Martin had a dream. He wanted to let loose the best ever fart stream. So he could win the Stink Stank Stunk award and be adored. But first he had to get by Chipper Ripper and his winning fart. Every year he made people get taken away in a grocery cart. Fartin' Martin knew he would be tough to defeat. Especially after he saw Chipper Ripper cheat. Can Fartin' Martin produce the best ever fart that will set him apart? Or will Chipper Ripper win once more? Find out by adding another book from Pat Hatt to your shore.

Detectives in Diapers: The Mystery of the Aztec Amulet: Volume 1

Flo and Mo are not ordinary babies. Although they are only fourteen months old, they can use a computer, trick any mindless adult they want, and help their goofy detective father solve baffling crimes. Then a mysterious girl comes to their father, claiming that her grandmother has disappeared. Will the babies' superior brains be able to solve the mystery and save their bumbling parents?

Annie's 1st Break: The first book in the Annie McCauley romantic comedy mystery series: Volume 1 (The Annie McCauley Romantic Comedy Mysteries)

Look out New York City! Ms. Rayanne "Annie" McCauley from little old Mesa View, Texas has set her sights on being a high fashion model. Despite her humble beginnings in the Mesa View Mobile Home Park, hot tempered Annie thinks she can make it all the way to the cover of Women's Wear Daily (as long as she follows her own rules). She may also snag the heart of sexy Tomi Di Ponti, the CEO of Di Ponti Cosmetics and Fashions, but not without a lot of trouble from her arch rival, Brittany Carstairs, another alumnus of the trailer park and a woman who never met a nasty trick she didn't use. When it looks like things can't get any worse, along comes Luther Grolsch, handsome, dangerous and possibly the most annoying man Annie ever met. Hilarious situations and quirky characters make this romantic, comedy, mystery, adventure a must read. Annie McCauley has been described as the Calamity Jane of high fashion, but she may finally be getting her big break in the modeling world. She's moved to New York and rented a small apartment in Queens. Her best friend, Luis, a diminutive, gay, Latino, makeup artist lives right across the hall. She aced her first interview with handsome, Tomi Di Ponti and is ready for her second interview where she expects to be given the job as spokesmodel for the new Czarina line of cosmetics and fashions. But things rarely go smoothly for Annie and before she knows it, Brittany has pulled one of her dirty tricks and it looks like Annie may not get the job after all. However, with the help of Luis and the understanding of Tomi things seem to be working out. Brittany isn't easily beaten and through an elaborate plan it appears she's working against Annie behind the scenes. Comical mishaps, the Rigatoni, a vertically challenged gang of old world mobsters, and Nonni, the grandmother from hell all make Annie's dream seem just out of reach. Like Stephanie Plum, Annie is a hard working, good-hearted woman who may be in over her head. Enter Ida and her son, Luthe

Dying for a Donut: Volume 5 (Laurel McKay Mysteries)

To Laurel McKay, there's nothing better than spending an autumn afternoon in the Apple Hill area, munching on caramel apples and cinnamon donuts. It's a good thing daughter Jenna's landed a seasonal job at Apple Tree Farm and Bakery. Then Laurel stumbles over the bakery owner's corpse coated in powdered sugar. Axel Thorson was a well-respected member of the community. Who might benefit from his death? When the police arrest the heartthrob grandson of the bakery manager, Jenna decides to help him by solving the case herself, a move that lands her in jail. With Laurel's detective honey in another state, and her octogenarian grandmother threatening to chase down the culprit, what's a soccer mom with a sweet tooth to do but go undercover. Detecting among donuts should be a piece of cake, but not if Laurel discovers first-hand that sugar can kill you. Dessert Recipes Included

An Unexpected Friendship

Best Adult Jokes 2016- Too Funny!

Welcome to the latest funny jokes of 2016. Original and unique, these are must read jokes. These jokes are great stress busters and will release Dopamine molecules in your brain. Try it out, I promise you quality entertainment through these jokes. These are all dirty jokes, so if you read this book, don't take offense. If you're a kid, stay away from this. tags: funny jokes for adults, adult jokes uncensored, best jokes 2016, adult joke book