Humour Books

If You Have a Hat

If You Have a Hat "If you have a hat - put it on your head. If you have a bed bug - tuck him up in bed." A silly rhyming picture book by award winning children's author/illustrator Gerald Hawksley. Simple silly rhyming text and jolly pictures make this an ideal picture book experience for sharing with children. Full description

Drive, Ride, Repeat: The Mostly True Account of a Cross-Country Car and Bicycle Adventure

This book is wildly funny. I lost track of how many times I laughed out loud. - Kathleen, Amazon Reviewer Author Al Macy is a character and a tightwad with a unique sense of humor. He and his wife squirreled away enough money to retire early, do interesting things, and take unusual trips. As he puts it: "Every day I wake up with nothing to do, and by the end of the day, I've only gotten half of it done." During his working life, Macy was a neuroscientist, computer game programmer, jazz trombonist, chef, CEO, piano player, clam digger, and technical writer. The book is a journal of a car/bicycle/camping trip from California to St. Louis and back, but Macy promises that "if it starts sounding like one of your brother-in-law's boring slide shows, I will stop this book, and we'll turn around and go home. I mean it." Interspersed with the journal chapters, you'll find thought-provoking life tips, stories from the past, and descriptions of Al's wacky inventions. You'll hear poignant anecdotes about what happened when doctors discovered a golf-ball-sized tumor in his wife's brain and how everything they owned burned. But it's not a downer--trust me!

Food-Free at Last: How I Learned to Eat Air

Get the Monkey Off Your Back! Food is a drug. Break the shackles of addiction and learn to eat air! In this detailed guide, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD gives you the practical, step-by-step advice you need to transition to the air-only diet.

Common Questions About the Air-Only Diet:

Q: Eating air? Are you crazy?

A: I am a medical doctor with more than forty years of clinical experience. An Obesity Epidemic is sweeping across our great nation. Eating air is the answer.

Q: Isn't there a risk of malnutrition?

A: Not at all! Air contains all the vitamins, minerals, electrolytes and essential amino acids your body needs.

Q: A friend of mine went on the air-only diet and starved to death. Will I die too?

A: Lies, lies and more lies! Propaganda spread by the agro-business special interests that run Washington. They will do anything to keep you down, in ignorance of the truth!

A Million Dieters Can't be Wrong!

Every day the emails pour in:

"Thank you, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD! Oh, thank you! I've eaten nothing but air for the last two months and I've lost eight hundred pounds! My husband says I'll make a fine skeleton! I can't wait!!!"

"Damn this air is tasty."

"Dear Dr. Jones, What a discovery! You make Einstein look like an ignoramus. We hereby award you the Prizes for Medicine, Chemistry and Peace." - the Nobel Committee

Also in This Groundbreaking Diet Book:

Lunge and Chomp - Learn the Secrets of Air-Eating Technique! The Twelve Steps to Food Freedom - Anyone Can Do It!The Hidden Menace in Our Society That Can Prevent You From Eating Air - and How We as a Nation Can Overcome It!

About the Author

An acclaimed pioneer in the field of Airitarianism, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD has dedicated his life to freeing food-eaters from slavery to addictive caloric substances. That's why he wrote Food-Free at Lastto expose the truth the agro-business special interests don't want you to know. And that's why he's running for President in 2013. It's time to put this country on a diet - the air-only diet, the only diet proven to work. It's time to cure our great nation of the Obesity Epidemic sweeping from coast to coast. It's time to end the oligarchy's influence on our political process and bring true freedom back to America. Go the Power of Air!

Barry Loser: My Dad is a Loser (The Barry Loser Series)

My Dad is a Loser is a madcap must-read for boys who love funny books such as Mr Gum and Wimpy Kid.

For all non-loserish dads and their sons. Read this little book to find out why I, Barry Loser, am definitely not at all loserish, even though my dad definitely is. Praise for my other book, I Am Not A Loser, which is about 8 million times longer than this one:

'Brilliant' - My mum.

'Amazing' - Also my mum

Jim Smith's hilarious illustrated books with their distinctive style and comedy genius make him (and Barry, of course) the coolest - or 'keelest' - new writer of books for kids who love to have fun when they read. Fans of Diary of a Wimpy Kid or David Walliams will love Barry Loser's stories. Jim is also the creator of Waldo Pancake.

Work Wife Balance

'This is well-written, very funny and I raced through it, occasionally squealing in horror at the antics of Kate's colleagues. It's also a joy to read about a strong woman with a big job and fiery opinions, a nice antidote to the sugary sweet sort of chick lit.' DAILY MAIL. Kate King is furiously flailing to keep afloat. As her team bicker, finger-point and cheat their way through rumours of sackings and site closures, her ill-tempered husband is becoming increasingly embittered and secretive. Kate knows she must address his petulant question: "Surely there's more to life than this?" but all her energies are required to dodge the corporate bullets constantly fired in her direction. Under pressure from an attractive, younger colleague, Kate is also concerned by her sudden invisibility to the opposite sex and the alarming appearance of back fat. Disturbingly, beige knitwear has started to call to her from the shelves of M&S. Growing more and more suspicious of her husband's activities, pressure builds on Kate both at work and at home until her turbulent year reaches its climactic end. Can she continue to balance precariously between work and marriage, or is one end of the scales going to hit the ground with a resounding thud?

Miranda and Me

Hello and welcome to the first book ever written by a dog - me, Miss Peggy Hart. I just couldn't wait any longer for Miranda's book all about me (Peggy and Me) to come out in October so decided to release my own book ahead of Miranda, and here it is!

It turns out I am not just pretty face. And what a pretty face I hear you say. I know. Just look at me. I like to say I look like a cloud breathed by angels. I just say it how I see it. But my skills are not just my incredible natural beauty, I am also quite the literary whizz. And I hope you like my book .

What's even more exciting is it contains Twitter stories from the nation's own #AndMe moments, the best of which Miranda and I have hand-selected to appear in this free ebook! The great British public have spilled the beans on their own doting companions, canine or otherwise. Oh and it also contains a sneak preview from Peggy and Me AND an exclusive introduction from none other than moi and Miranda. Expect laughter and tears - fuelled by a rich reserve of chaotic cats, pompous pooches and the odd human along the way.

I do so hope you like it because I love you very much and want to make you happy. I am lovely like that. Lots of licks and woofs to you and I hope to meet you in person one day.

The Pegster signing out (but do follow me on Twitter @realpeggyhart).

Scotland Roadtrip

An epic roadtrip from Germany to Scotland and back again.

The Mucky Princess: The Mucky Princess Series, Book 1

The Mucky Princess is the first in a series of children's books written as if a fairy story, but in a modern style. The stories are entertaining and humorous, touching on moral issues such as kindness, courage, and tolerance, but are in no way preachy or teachy.

The Princess lives in a beautiful palace and has everything she could possibly need. But the palace is rather boring, and she seeks mischief and adventure by hiding from the servants and getting as mucky as possible. One day she falls through a small door in the palace wall, meets a shepherd boy, and her adventures really begin!

Mouse's Secret Club #1: Let It Snow (Inside the Gym!)

Mouse is rarely seen without one of his beloved pet mice. He is never far from his mystery solving best friend, Rebekah and now he has started his very own secret club.

Join him, Rebekah and 3 other classmates as they set out to have a little fun creating practical jokes and magic tricks while hopefully staying out of trouble in the process.

In Let It Snow, Mouse is determined to create a magnificent magical illusion for his classmates during the first week of school. He has the permission of the new principal and everything seems cool until it goes all wrong!

Prank Gone Wrong: Rebekah, Mouse & RJ: Special Edition

Rebekah, Mouse and RJ each have their own fun short story series and sometimes they come together, bringing you these special editions.

They all love hanging out, solving mysteries and playing pranks together and we hope you will enjoy these special times as well.

It's going to be a great weekend because RJ is coming to Curtis Bay to hang out with his fun detective cousin Rebekah and her best friend Mouse. What RJ doesn't know is that they are planning to introduce and invite him to join Mouse's Secret Club...introduce him to it with a funny prank that is on him until it looks like it might be on the whole town!

Yikes! It looks like the gang might have some explaining to do!

Diary of NINJA BOY & Fartypants: Everybody hates Mondays

Hi, my name is Manny Monday. I wish my parents could have named me something cool like Mad Dog Monday, or Muscles Monday. But here I am, good ole Manny. At least I have fartypants. He's my best friend. And when things get serious? That's when I become Ninja Boy...people get saved, girlfriends get rescued, and butts get kicked!

Foggy's Blog

A Very Foggy Christmas

I am Morten Astley Fogarty - insurance complaint handler, part-time barista and all-round entertainer. My career at the Perypils call centre has really taken off since my colleagues all voted for me to leave the team and transfer to complaints; I was chuffed to bits at being chosen! I love helping our customers resolve their concerns and as I've only received three death threats so far, I'm clearly doing something right. On Sundays, I work with an extremely talented Chef, Joe, who trained under the calming influence of Gordon Ramsay. Joe's party-trick is to hurl his bread knife through the kitchen hatch towards my head. He always deliberately misses, of course; we do have such fun! My girlfriend, Myra, is a wonderful actress and our director has tried her in lots of different positions. I know Myra is desperate to secure a leading part in our Christmas production, The Wizard of Oz and she has been scouring eBay for ruby slippers, size 9. Let's hope she can continue to satisfy the director!

Burn's World - In every love triangle, a heart will break : A romantic and humorous crime and suspense read

"If you've ever stalked your ex on Facebook, or cried when the man you loved married someone else, then you will love Burn's World." Amazon Reviewer

******

To fit in with the wealthy and popular girls at school, bi-racial Burn is desperate to change her Facebook status to "In a relationship."

So when the school star athlete, blue-eyed, blonde haired, Brody McGraw asks her out, Burn can hardly believe her luck. Brody is crazy about Burn, she is crazy about Brody, and it is a huge thrill to finally change her relationship status on Facebook.

However, Brody's mother has huge political plans for her family and she makes it clear, that they do not include someone like mixed-race Burn.

Because of Dawn's rejection, Burn suffers severe bouts of self-loathing and eventually decides to make a decision that breaks her heart - she walks away from Brody and the racist McGraw family. Brody is absolutely crushed and tries desperately to change Burn's mind.

Enter Trojan Catrell, a street thug and an enemy of Brody McGraw. He's noticed Brody and Burn together and since he holds a grudge against the over privileged Brody, he decides that he's going to make Burn his. Bad boy Trojan sets about wooing Burn.

There's a problem: Burn's not interested in Trojan and his tattoos. Her heart still longs for Brody McGraw, in spite of everything.

There's a bigger problem: Trojan has no intention of taking no for an answer. In fact, when Burn rejects him, he becomes obsessed with her, especially since he's never been rejected by a woman before.

Then there's an even bigger problem: Brody is furious at Trojan's gall and swears to find a way to get even with Trojan.

Then there's an even bigger problem, huge! Trojan is possessive, jealous and he is not someone you should cross. Ever!

The result is a complicated, explosive, jealously-laden, drama-filled, heartbreaking, yet humoros read from Eve Rabi that will keep you turning pages.

This romantic suspense thriller, new adult, humorous love triangle spans years - from adolescence to adult and is free for a limited time.

Book Two of Burn's World - When You Touch Me Like That, is available for sale and is free on kindleunlimited.

Reviews:

"Once you read this book every other book you read after it pales in comparison."

"If you see Eve Rabi as the author of a book, you can guarantee it will be well worth the money to read. Her Burn series are exciting, sensual, and realistic." Amazon reviewer

"Very good read. I just started reading it yesterday and I just couldn't put it down."

"This book was great. Rabi writing was unique and interesting. I was laughing and reading, even took a longer break just to keep reading."

"I loved it. I laughed, I got angry enough to pause my kindle, and I cried. I'm a picky reader and I'm glad this book didn't leave me asking for a refund."

"This is a smokin' hot series. I am addicted, I can't wait for each book."

YouTube video:

http://youtu.be/JAXPeXrP5

Have you got Eve's Rabi's free books? If you haven't, click on www.everabi.wordpress.com & for a limited time download 4 free books!

romantic suspense, romantic crime, crime fiction, free romance contemporary, free new adult, free romance suspense, free romantic mystery thrillers, free romance mystery and crime, free books in kindle, free romance with strong alpha males, free romantic comedy, romance humor, free interracial romance, romance, free multiracial and interracial, kindle books romance, free fiction free books, free paranormal romance, major crimes, free Romantic crime novels, romantic suspense kindle books, suspense thrillers and mysteries, free psychological thrillers, romantic suspense series, Romantic comedy kindle books, Humorous romance, New adult romance in books, jealousy, love triangles, crime fiction, bad boy, alpha males, heartbreak, cheating ex, cheating, obsession, books, kindle, girl, novels, free books, gripping, adventure, free books in kindle store, series, mystery

49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom (The 49... Series Book 1)

Is your bedroom a tip?... Did you forget to tidy?... Can you hear the sound of parental footsteps getting closer and closer?... Here's 49 (extremely silly) excuses for not tidying your bedroom!

Join the comical adventure of these mischievous kids who will try absolutely anything to get away with not tidying their bedrooms. With an illustration for each haphazard attempt, you're guaranteed to laugh, smirk, and chuckle for hours.

Disclaimer: reading this eBook will probably make you giggle, but won't help you get away with having a messy bedroom.

Recommended Age: 10+

Famous Quotes About Sex

101 Dirty Jokes - sexual and adult's jokes

Sex and humor. 101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

A to Z of Silly Animals - The Best Selling Illustrated Children's Book for All Ages by Sprogling (The Silly Animals Series 1)

A wonderfully silly A to Z picture book of ridiculous mythical animals.

The charming, original illustrations and witty captions are sure to delight children of all ages as well as parents.

Enjoy the A to Z of Silly Animals with your child today!

Angus Adams: the adventures of a free-range kid: Volume 1 (The Free-Range Kid Mysteries)

As a free range kid, Angus is allowed to do things other kids his age aren't - like play in the street and hang out at the park without adults (shock, horror!) But when he's accused of stealing an iPhone from school, Angus must use all of his brains, resilience, and courage to catch the real thief, clear his name, and outwit the seriously bad dudes hot on his tail!

Harry Potter: Harry Potter Memes and Jokes 2017!: Pokemon Memes Included, Ultimate Memes, Memes Free, Pikachu Books

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter! Now with hilarious memes and jokes!

4 FREE BONUS MEME BOOKS INCLUDED!

Be sure to download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

THE BEST Harry Potter Memes On The Internet!

This book contains over 3,000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes of the internet for you to easily browse in one place, from cat memes to the classics.

Due to the extremely large file size the minimum price amazon allows me to charge is quite high, but this book is meant to be downloaded FREE via kindle Unlimited, so ignore the price and make sure you download it free.

Again, This book is meant to be downloaded via Kindle Unlimited if you can for FREE, otherwise if you bought it you can always refund the book.

I hope you enjoy!

Sergeant Smelly & Captain Chunder Save The Day

Will the evil Onionman conquer the world and fulfil his dream of world domination? Will Sergeant Smelly's fire-farts defeat the evil forces of doom and despair? Can the newly formed superhero duo of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder save the day? Will farting ever stop being funny? Find out the answers to these questions and many more in the hilarious adventures of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder.

Sooner or Later...You Will Get Caught

**SHORT STORY**TRUE STORY

Kids often do things they know they shouldn't do. And they all think they won't get caught. But this true story proves the adage - "It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but sooner or later....you WILL get caught"

This fun read begins with a young girl, and her budding career in parental note forgery. Thirty years later, it comes back to haunt her in the most amusing way -proving once and for all that what goes around, comes around! Perfect short read for those "waiting for the kids to get out of school/practice/dance/etc." moments.

Includes a bonus excerpt from Stranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About Strangers.

Best Jokes 2014

One hundred of hilarious and funny jokes !

Have fun and laugh!

Free Funny the eBook: Writing Comedy, Jokes, and Humor for Business, Public Speaking, or Just for Laughs

Do funny people have an advantage in business?

Yes. But only if you know what you're doing. Research has shown the ability to make others laugh builds better business relationships. Humor can put the nervous at ease, make an important point, and create an overall more enjoyable workplace. But only if you know what you're doing.

Have you ever wondered how humor works?

Free Funny the eBook offers an easy to follow explanation of Comic Structure. It goes into the process of how the human mind creates false expectations, and then how it can be surprised by the unexpected. Understanding how humor works is the first step to knowing what you're doing.

Have you ever wanted to write the funny at will?

This ebook applies Comic Structure to a step by step comedy writing system the Humor Generator. With this process anyone, even you, can learn to write the funny at will. All you have to do is follow the logical path of creating a false expectation and then revealing a surprise.

Free Funny the ebook gives you the tools to be appropriately humorous at work, in relationships, and life because you'll know what you're doing.

Dating an Alien Pop Star

Daisy Kirkwood has only just escaped her small-town life and run away to New York City, the land of last-minute secret gigs at famous musical venues, when she's kidnapped by aliens. Unfortunately, no one ever writes about how to handle alien abduction in those fancy NYC guidebooks. Griffin and Dev are supermassively sexy aliens from a politically and environmentally troubled planet who arrive on Earth with very little knowledge about human ways other than what they learned from a wayward "E! News" signal. Their mission is to pretend to be the most influential people on the planet English pop stars, of course! and gain the help of a powerful secret society. Upon arriving, they abduct Daisy Kirkwood, a nerdy young woman who loves music but could seriously use a bit of help in the love-life department. Though Griffin and Daisy initially squabble, neither can deny the intergalactic sparks whenever they're too close to each other. Together, they must face murderous aliens, cultural misunderstandings, bad backup musicians, and the dark side of fame and the media, all set against a tight deadline Part "High Fidelity," part "Bridget Jones' Diary," part "Doctor Who," "Dating an Alien Pop Star" is a sexy romantic comedy."

The Submarine Full of Bees: A Bedtime Story For Kids Aged 5 to 10

A Bedtime Story With Added Buzz

This story is a little bit different from other stories. Usually stories are about other people but this story is about you. And usually stories are made up but this story is all true. It's about the amazing underwater adventure you had today with those bees.

I know what you're thinking: you're thinking: I didn't have an adventure with any bees today!

Oh yes you did! But you can't remember because that magic flower made you forget.

Let me explain ...

****************************

In this humorous and wildly imaginative read-aloud bedtime tale, the listener hears about a submarine expedition he/she embarked upon earlier that day to explore the uncharted depths of a muddy puddle. It's one of the thirty-one stories that make up the critically acclaimed collection A Month of Bedtime Stories, oh yes it is!

Reviews of A Month of Bedtime Stories:

A wonderful book well worth adding to any collection - Book Reviews and Giveaways

I loved each one and never once was ready to put the book down - Chodi Kid Books

Looney, wacky, imaginative and borderline crazy tales that McFarlane pens with absolute abandon - Grady Harp, Hall of Fame Top 100 Reviewer / Vine Voice

Grab a copy today

JOKES : Best Jokes And Funny Short Stories (Jokes, Best Jokes, Funny Jokes, Funny Short Stories, Funny Books, Collection of Jokes, Jokes For Adults)

Laugh Out Loud with our collection of Best Jokes and Funny Short Stories

When we laugh, we get short term benefits such as laughter stimulates many organs, active and relieve our stress response and laughter soothes tension. Laughing also gives us long term effects as well, it improves our immune system, relieves pain, increase personal satisfaction and improves our mood. Laughter is really a great medicine, and most of the time it is free. You may just have a funny conversation with your family or friends, watch a funny movie or sitcom, or just ready funny books.

Remember, in life the best ornament is humility; the richest wealth is wisdom; the strongest weapon is patience; the best security is faith; the best mental tonic is laughter. Live well, laugh often, love much and share God's blessings.

Read our collection of jokes and funny short stories. These jokes and funny stories are collected from different sources in the Internet. Download our book now, and laugh out those stress away.

Please note that this book is categorized under Jokes for Adults and may contain some offensive jokes and stories, and it is your discretion as a customer whether to share the jokes and stories with others.

Free Story "Little Bad Wolf and Red Riding Hood" from Newfangled Fairy Tales

The Big Bad Wolf is running a successful scam on Little Red's Grandma until Little Red catches him in the act.

In this free short story Big Bad Wolf is running a successful scam on Little Red's Grandma until Little Red catches him in the act.



If you like this sample story, look for The Newfangled Fairy Tales series. Each fairy tale in the series puts a delightful new spin on classic stories and themes. King Midas is a workaholic banker who would rather play with his money than attend his son's Little League baseball games. The Three Bears invade Goldy's house because their forest home is being stripped to build a super highway. A Prince refuses to marry any of the grumpy princesses who lost sleep because there were peas under their mattresses. A clever princess pays a dragon to lose a fight so she can marry the man she loves. The twenty short stories in this series are lots of fun.

"Here is a new generation of fairy tales to make children laugh, not hide under the covers."

--Stephen Mooser, author of Young Marion's Adventures in Sherwood Forrest: A Girl's to the Rescue Novel

Love and Chaos: (Standalone Bad Boy Romance) (Growing Pains Book 4)

From USA Today Bestselling author, Willow Summers, is a hilarious and steamy romance.

It was supposed to be easy. Just a quick trip to the wine country to help her good friend, Peter.

She never expected to meet his bad boy brother...

Muscled, tattooed, and riding a Harley, Jace has Cassie's heart racing and blood boiling. Struggling to keep her desire on a tight leash, she must do everything she can to keep Peter's secret. But resisting that dimpled smile is harder than she could've ever imagined...

A standalone book based on the bestselling Growing Pains series. HEA. No cliffhanger!

Love Handles (A Romantic Comedy) (Oakland Hills)

The world of fitness apparel isn't ready for Beverly Lewis. She hates the gym, is nice to everybody, and shops at Ross Dress for Less. When she's not teaching preschool, she's wearing yoga pants . . . to nap in. So when she inherits her estranged grandfather's fitnesswear company in San Francisco, nobody expects her to keep it. Fite Fitness needs a heartless suit to save it from bankruptcy, not a thirty-year-old woman who cries when her students leave for kindergarten. Someone like Liam Johnson. A former Olympic swimmer, Liam is Fite's executive vice president. Unlike Bev, he's devoted his life to Fite's success. Managing one little preschool teacher--and his attraction to her--shouldn't be an issue. Right? But Bev's tired of being underpaid and underrated, and refuses to step aside as an obedient figurehead. To everyone's shock and horror, she moves up to San Francisco, sets up an office, and dives into the business. Nothing--not mockery, not exercise, not sabotage, not a disastrously hot night with her aggravating VP--is going to scare her away. As Liam realizes she's tougher than she looks, he discovers that losing Fite might not be nearly as bad as losing her . . .

Bite No.1: The Old Man at the End of the World: A Zombie Apocalypse Parody

THE GOOD LIFE meets DOUGLAS ADAMS meets SHAUN OF THE DEAD! - Dave F, Amazon

Gerald Stockwell-Poulter couldn't help but feel it was extraordinary just how quickly his life had changed. One moment he was earthing up leeks in the West Sussex sunshine and the next he was rooted to the spot as Rodney Timmins from the end allotment ambled towards him, arms outstretched, blood pouring from a hole in his neck and a look in his eye which suggested that he was less after help and more after a helping of Gerald.

Now, as Gerald's life takes a quick turn for the worse, he must do things he has never done before. After 87 largely well-behaved years as a model citizen, less than four hours into the 'zompocalypse' and he has already killed a neighbour, rescued a moody millennial drug dealer and forged an unlikely allegiance with a giant ginger Scotsman. And it isn't even tea time.

Join Gerald as he and his newfound allies navigate the post-apocalyptic English countryside in their hilarious bid to stay off the menu.

The first instalment of the Old Man at the End of the World Series. A novella of 20,000 words.

For fans of Frank Tayell (Surviving the Evacuation), Mark Tufo (Zombie Fallout), Diana Rowland (White Trash Zombie) and also Jonas Jonasson (The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared) , Fredrik Backman (A Man Called Ove) and Catharina Ingelman-Sundberg (The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules).

Funny Stories for Kids: Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves: (Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Fractured Fairy Tales, Parody Books, Free Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

What would the story of "Snow White" be like if the princess was an idiot, the evil queen was completely incompetent, and the dwarves, instead of being happy and silly, were instead super gross and mean? The answer: "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves," a comedy short story that is so awesome you'll have to read it to believe it. (Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)

"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."

Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org

"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"

Angela, Amazon UK reader

"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."

Thelma Coots, Amazon reader

"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"

Isienie V., Amazon reader

*****

Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!

The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.

**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes Books 2017 - BONUS Pikachu and Harry Potter Jokes, NEW MEMES: Funny Memes, Dank Memes, Memes for Kids, Memes Free, Minecraft Miner Memes, Minecraft Building, Memes Xl

Are you a meme expert? Do you sit on the internet all day browsing memes like I do?

THEN CHECK OUT THESE FUNNIEST MEMES EVER!

Most AWESOME collection of ULTIMATE Memes on the internet

FREE BONUS MEME BOOKS INCLUDED!

Be sure to download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

**We are not affiliated with Minecraft or Mojang in any way. This is an unofficial fan created book made with love and appreciation for the game**

THE BEST Collection of ULTIMATE Memes On The Internet! [Unofficial Minecraft Book]

This book contains over 2000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best new ultimate memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.

Super Hot 18+ Adult Memes Book 2: Sexy, dirty, weird, horhy and just funny.

Got bored? Check these memes and jokes!

Borrow it for FREE on Kindle Unlimited!

Warning: Adult content. Prepare to laugh!

Memes, meme, sex, jokes, funny memes and jokes, hilarious memes, ultimate memes, free memes, best jokes, meme book, funny memes, adult, pictures book, ultimate, funny, joke book, cat memes, baby memes, dog, memes, cat, dog, family, relations, parenting

Two Legs, Three Legs, Four Legs: More Rescue Dog Stories With Duncan the Canine Tripod and his Friends Seamus, Shannon and Minnie (The Long, The Short and The Tall Book 2)

Meet the "Gang of Four", Seamus, Shannon, Minnie and Duncan the Canine Tripod.

All Rescue Dogs, they became firm friends over the years. Their story was told in Book One. "The Long, The Short and The Tall. Life with Rescue Dogs."

Now the Gang rides again! Read some more of their stories: happy stories, scary stories, but always true stories. Enjoy a walk out with them over Pendle Hill. Learn how Duncan almost lost another leg!

Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you. Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you.

Confessions of a Queen B*: Volume 1 (The Queen B*)

Alexis Wyndham is the other type of Queen B-the Queen B*tch. After years of being the subject of ridicule, she revels in her ability to make the in-crowd cower via the exposes on her blog, The Eastline Spy. Now that she's carved out her place in the high school hierarchy, she uses her position to help the unpopular kids walking the hallways. Saving a freshman from bullies? Check. Swapping insults with the head cheerleader? Check. Falling for the star quarterback? So not a part of her plan. But when Brett offers to help her solve the mystery of who's posting X-rated videos from the girls' locker room, she'll have to swallow her pride and learn to see past the high school stereotypes she's never questioned-until now."

Contaminated Samples

A free sampler containing the outrageous first chapters from Frankie's three books My Shit Life So Far, Work! Consume! Die! and Scotland's Jesus. Perfect for when you want to feel deeply offended.

MY SHIT LIFE SO FAR: 'I don't think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking "Why would anyone want to know this shit?" I've always read them thinking "I don't want to know where Steve Tyler grew up, just tell me how many groupies he f**ked!"'

So begins Frankie's outrageous, laugh-out loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it.

WORK! CONSUME DIE!: Stand-up comedy's favourite pessimist, Frankie Boyle, offers his laugh-out-loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it. He describes your reality as viewed through a bloodshot eye pressed against a shit-smeared telescope, focused on hell.

SCOTLAND'S JESUS: Reading Scotland's Jesus should be like being called into the living room by your child shouting that they see a little red dot on the head of a TV newscaster, then riding the white hot bullet through the propaganda circuitry of his or her exploding brain.

MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes 2017 – Memes of AUGUST Book 5 – Funniest Memes on the Planet

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from 2017

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 3000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.

Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We've even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bed...

Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!

Risking it All: The Rosewoods - A Short Story

Things are not going well for Brady Fleming, Rosewood equestrian coach and Olympic hopeful. Thanks to a careless fall off his horse, he is now on crutches - out of training and a job. Not to mention he's had to promise Brooklyn he'll back off so they could be just friends, which is the last thing he wants. The worst part is he knows she's into him too; she's as much as admitted it. And that kiss... There is no denying their chemistry after that kiss at the costume dance. But he can't date a student and he balked when she asked him if he was willing to risk it all to be with her. Now that his job and training are on hold, his outlook has changed and he's beginning to realize what really matters and what he wants from his life.

Maybe that girl who showed up on campus and turned his heart inside out is worth risking everything for after all.

Read Risking it All, a short story from Brady's perspective, in preparation for Making Ripples, The Rosewoods book 6.

Revolting Rhymers: Competition Winners

The Winning Entries of the most REVOLTING Poetry Competition!



To celebrate the BBC's new two-part animation of Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes, the Roald Dahl Literary Estate launched a poetry competition with a twist, asking chiddlers far and wide to submit their most revolting - and humorous rhymes. We were inundated with thousands of disgusterous entries! To discover our winners, we waded through burps, farts and rotten eggs; bogies, vile stew and goo to find the funniest and most revolting specimens. This eBook contains the creme de la phlegm-hand picked by children's author, songwriter and McFly frontman, Tom Fletcher, and Wales's Children's Poet Laureate, Anni Llyn.

A huge thank you to our revolting partners Puffin Books, the National Literacy Trust, Literature Wales, Magic Light, and the Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre for all their help and support!

Lords of the Housetops: Thirteen Cat Tales by Balzac, Poe, Twain and others

This carefully crafted ebook: "Lords of the Housetops: Thirteen Cat Tales by Balzac, Poe, Twain and others" is formatted for your eReader with a functional and detailed table of contents. Lords of the Housetops is a carefully chosen collection of thirteen tales about the beloved, clever and charismatic cat. We see the cat through the eyes of thirteen authors, including such famous writers as Mark Twain, Booth Tarkington and Edgar Allen Poe. Carl Van Vechten assembled and edited this collection. Lords of the Housetops Thirteen Cat Tales by : Alden, W. L. (William Livingston), 1837-1908 Bacon, Peggy, 1895-1987 Balzac, Honore de, 1799-1850 Blackwood, Algernon, 1869-1951 Carryl, Guy Wetmore, 1873-1904 Freeman, Mary Eleanor Wilkins, 1852-1930 Hudson, W. H. (William Henry), 1841-1922 Janvier, Thomas A. (Thomas Allibone), 1849-1913 Poe, Edgar Allan, 1809-1849 Powell, G. H. (George Herbert), 1856-1924 Tarkington, Booth, 1869-1946 Twain, Mark, 1835-1910 Warner, Charles Dudley, 1829-1900 Livingston Chester Lord (1851 - 1933) was the second president of Eastern Illinois University, serving from 1898 to 1933.

I fancied you until I saw you yawn

A collection of short, dark and spectacularly funny poetry that explores an alternative view of modern life. From using the cash machine, to sitting on the loo, "I fancied you until I saw you yawn" will take you on a journey you'll never forget. Brace yourself for the ride of your life!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: Best Spongebob Memes & Jokes 2017 - Funniest Memes on the Planet

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from Bikini Bottom

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 3000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.

Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We've even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bed...

Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!

Story Stack: Action-packed story starters for ages 6-8 and 9-12

Not sure what to get the kids to read next? Let them decide! Story Stack includes Chapters 1-4 of the following fun, fast-paced and popular illustrated chapter books by Karen Inglis: Henry Haynes and the Great Escape (for 6-8yrs) | Eeek! The Runaway Alien (for 7-10yrs) | Walter Brown and the Magician's Hat (for 7-9yrs) PLUS Chapters 1-3 of The Secret Lake (for 8-12 yrs). The Secret Lake is Karen's bestselling time travel mystery adventure story, enjoyed by over 7,000 readers. Karen has been praised by teachers, librarians, parents and reading charities for getting the most reluctant readers turning the pages. Full books available to order in print and/or for Kindle once the kids have had their say :)

Scroll up and click the yellow button to get Story Stack on your Kindle or other eReader - we think the kids and preteens will be back for more...!

Love Finds You: The Helena's Grove Series Book 1

Note: This book was previously published under "Love Is Thicker Than Blood" by Ivy Alexander. New content has been added including an extended ending, with twists and turns you'll be sure to love!

Sweet romance with a twist!

Jennifer Berkley is a straightforward, ambitious, soon-to-be lawyer in the fast, driven city of New York. She doesn't have the patience or time to deal with people who can't or won't give her what she wants. When her father asks her to visit her aunt in Ohio as her last dying wish, Jen is immediately resistant, but reconsiders when her father makes her an offer she can't refuse.

Jen finds Ohio a much different pace than New York, and is beginning to enjoy country life when she meets Zack LaFaye, a good-looking, helpful man who is adored by her aunt. Each encounter with him leaves Jen flustered and annoyed. The question is glaring: does she have feelings for him, or does she hate him so much that she can't decide?

Amidst a country backdrop, Jen discovers feelings and experiences no city girl is prepared for. As the summer unfolds, she finds herself questioning everything. Using her skill and training as a lawyer, Jen uncovers a trail of deceit she didn't see coming. With a vengeance, she is determined to find out the truth. Someone is lying to her, but who?

Love Finds You is a clean romance novel full of charming intrigue, with twists, turns, love, romance and drama that will leave you breathless as Jen must decipher her feelings, and the truth.



Helena's Grove Series ebook Categories

- free romance books for kindle fire

- free romance series set

- free clean romance kindle books

- free sweet romance books

- free romantic comedy books

- free inspirational romance

- free romantic books

The Haunted Dollhouse (The Ghost Store)

Lottie Landers is 15 years old. She can see ghosts and she helps them with any unfinished business.

In this first story, Lottie's dad brings a dollhouse into the family store. A ghost is attached to it. It doesn't take Lottie long to connect with the ghost, but when she does, her heart fills with sadness.

This is going to be a difficult case for Lottie, but she is determined to help the ghost.

The Letters We Couldn't Print Vol 1

A collection of 100 letters that the editor of a well known tabloid UK newspaper found unsuitable for publication. Vol 1. You'll laugh yourself silly!

134.2 QI Facts to Leave You Flabbergasted: Free EBook Sampler

'This may look like a free ebook sampler, but it's actually a portal. While you may read this in just twenty minutes, each little nugget is only the visible tip of an information iceberg.'

In this free ebook sampler to accompany the new book 1,342 QI Facts To Leave You Flabbergasted, come face-to-face with some of the most mind-blowing facts in the QI universe, such as: The sun gets 4 million tons lighter every second; The first scientifically named dinosaur bone was called Scrotum humanum because it looked like a giant pair of human testicles; A 'batman' was a unit of weight in the Ottoman Empire. Ben Affleck weighs about nine batmans; Making all the chain mail for The Lord of the Rings wore the costume designers' fingerprints away.

Enjoy the incredible world of QI facts.

My Best Friend's Brother

Book One in the MY BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER Series ( YA Contemporary Romance / Romantic Comedy ) - CONT....

Senseless Attraction

A Woman's Guide to Perfection

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO PERFECTION has been described by its celebrity authors, Ines de Treize and Katherine de Neuf, as a "fountain of wisdom".

This shockingly cynical lifestyle primer breaks down its advice into 14 actionable Guidelines, including:

The Perfect Woman always wears silk lingerie...The Perfect Woman knows how to manage her boss...The Perfect Woman lives in Paris...The Perfect Woman never tells her current lover about all the previous ones...The Perfect Woman is strategic in the choice of her pet...Red flags, bullet points, vaguely relevant illustrations and a bonus chapter from a romantic comedy by Alix Nichols, AMANDA'S GUIDE TO LOVE, complete this "how-to" parody.

Disclaimer: A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO PERFECTION may or may not make you perfect. But it will make you chuckle.

If you enjoy biting and relatable observations and don't mind a morally questionable tip or three, then this little book is for you!

One-click and get started right away!

ROCKY BALBOA: Funny Jokes & Memes (Rocky Balboa parody book) + BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

YO ADRIAAAAAAN!!!

It's ROCKY BALBOA time!

Number one ROCKY BALBOA book, that actually makes fun of ROCKY BALBOA itself!

200+ Funny ROCKY BALBOA Jokes and Memes will keep you happy for days to come!

Punny Fanda approved.

Every MOVIE lover should have some basic knowledge about ROCKY BALBOA - why not acquire it in a humorous way?.

I encourage you to take a leap of faith and download

this great and funny comedy book, which You wont regret!

YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!

In this ROCKY BALBOA book you will find great PICTURES with funny memes, hilarious jokes and wise quotes all in one place.

This book will make you laugh and also leave you with some cool quotes and info!

Quit reading this boring description and click that download button!

Tags: ROCKY 1, ROCKY 2, ROCKY 3, ROCKY 4, ROCKY 5, ROCKY 6, ROCKY JOKES, ROCKY MEMES.

Are We All Having A Lovely Time?

Ben Cashew really thinks he's something special! Being the cruise director of the Ocean Explorer gives him ample opportunity to show himself off as the natural performer he is. Since childhood he dreamed of being a professional entertainer, so considers that he has done very well for himself. But when a drunken seance causes the boy he bullied at school, and committed suicide 20 years before, to come back to Earth, he is confronted by his bitter victim as to whether or not he really is a success. He is forced to re-evaluate his life and, perhaps, both bully and victim, through each other, can even find redemption.

Funny Stories for Kids: Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner: Star Wars Parody, Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Sci-fi, Parody Books, Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

In a galaxy ravaged by tyranny, planets are destroyed at the push of a button and empires are brought down by farm boys and scoundrels. Dark Zader was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, but when he threw his emperor down a shaft, he found himself without a job.

Living with his kids and down on his luck, he finds that he only has one solution, beg for his old job back from the very emperor he thought he'd killed.

Read as this family of rebel scum scrambles to prepare a dinner fit for an emperor in the most ridiculous culinary experience ever.

Double the excitement.

Triple the laughs.

Paintbrush illustrations.

This is...

Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

Hettford Witch Hunt: Series Two

"And it's in that humour where this series shines. As Red Dwarf (a clear influence on the Hettford series) mined the Space Opera for plenty of laughs, here Mr Rhodes uses the vengeful Ghost/rural haunting troupes as a spring board for many fine yucks. This is comedy with a horror bend, more Ghostbusters than say Waxworks*. Not that I'm comparing the series to Peter Venkman's adventures; no this series is undeniably British in its character and more importantly in its humour. I suspect Rhodes grew up reading Robert Rankin paperbacks while watching Derek & Clive."

Geoff Johnston, UK Horror Scene

"With subtle humor and a charming regional voice, James Rhodes cleverly crafts a story of vengeance, mystery and witchcraft. Deftly weaving the ordinary and supernatural Rhodes leads readers along a path strewn with dreary workaday details offset by exciting glimpses of an otherworld that threatens to destroy the safety of the mundane."

-Kirsten Imani Kasai, Author: Ice Song, Tattoo, Del Rey Books

Things are going well for the Hettford Witch Hunt. Milton and Carrie are still in love, Dan has plenty to get angry about and nobody has had to lie on an insurance form in months.

Meanwhile, it has been a bleak and austere winter for Gary who inhabits his house like the ghost of his relationship with Alison. Will a new arrival in Hettford help to pull him out of his slump? Will his old friends at the Hettford Witch Hunt rally around him? Will he ever be able to love again? Or, will the vengeful spirits of witches that haunt his village continue to hold back his career.

Note: This book is best enjoyed as a continuation of Hettford Witch Hunt: Series One and Hettford Witch Hunt: Easter Special . Both of these titles are available at no cost from Smashwords and Amazon.

Pokemon: XL Collection of Funny Pokemon Memes 2017 (Book 10) (Memes Expert)

FUNNIEST Collection of Pokemon Memes! Over 3000 Hilarious Memes! FREE BONUS MEME BOOK INCLUDED!

Are you a true fan of Pokemons? Do you want to check the Best Memes about Pokemons, have some good laught and relax? Check out this book with Latest, Funniest Pokemon Memes, pictures, tweets, news and jokes! Over 3000 Pages!

Get ready to smile, laugh and cry!

Just go to the top of the page and press the button "Buy NOW with 1-Click"

Hilbert's Funny Day (Illustrated Joke Book)

Laugh out loud with Hilbert. Dozens of funny jokes for kids and adults. All illustrated with photo illustrations of Hilbert.

MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes 2017 – Memes of AUGUST Book 6 – Funniest Memes on the Planet

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from 2017

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 3000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.

Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We've even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bed...

Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!

MEMES: Ultimate Memes & Jokes 2017 – Memes of AUGUST Book 7 – Funniest Memes on the Planet

NEW MEMES IN EVERY BOOK! Fresh and hilarious memes from 2017

FREE BONUS BOOKS INSIDE!

Download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

Dank. Fresh. Hilarious.

This book contains over 3000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place.

Since we love laughing at funny memes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious memes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We've even found some memes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bed...

Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised

HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!

The World and I, Vol. 1: A woman's travels in 65 countries

A 23-year old woman is given the job of a lifetime by a media agency; over the next three decades, she will travel to 65 countries. This is her story...

Told with humor and insight into countries where she lived for months, The World and I is comprised of the real adventures of Cassia Meare as she jumps from country to country for work and learns to rely on herself.

In the first volume she is sent to Algiers right after being hired and gets a scorpion as a marriage proposal in the Sahara; she travels from glorious St Petersburg all the way to Sakhalin in Russia just as it is emerging from communism -- without forgetting to stop at the casinos of Siberia; she falls in love with Istanbul and meets crazy Sergei and his gun in Kiev; she works with a very handsome man in Vladivostok -- only to travel on with him to stunning Rajasthan.

Get an insider's view on Madrid, Rome, Palermo and find out more about Warsaw, Prague and what is in Azerbaijan.

There will be information on culture, sights, history -- but most of all there will be the people Meare finds along the way, often the most memorable things about her trips.

You'll laugh, discover things about places you might never go to, or which have changed beyond recognition since then. You'll also find out about some of the world's most beautiful spots.

Just don't expect this book to teach you how to travel for less...

Stealing Steve's Gold: An Unofficial Minecraft Book (Random Tales From The Overworld 1)

Stealing Steve's Gold (Random Tales From The Overworld: Book 1)

This story isn't about heroes, super villains, or hackers. Maddie only wants one thing. Steve's massive collection of gold ingots, and she'll do anything to get her hands on them. But her nefarious plan takes an unexpected turn after she saves a young villager from a vicious player.

The perfect bedtime story!

-6,500+ words long (can be read in 30-35 minutes)

-A complete "standalone" story with a beginning, middle, and end. No cliffhangers. Random Tales From The Overworld is an anthology series. Each book focuses on a new character.

-Overflowing with action, comedy, drama, and larger than life characters.

Don't wait, dive into "Random Tales From The Overworld" today!

Candide

After being caught kissing the Baron's daughter Cunegonde, gullible ingenue Candide is evicted from the castle where he lives to find himself wandering a world which is awash with disease, injustice, rape, pillage and slaughter; in other words he encounters all the worst aspects of the 18th century (the time when Voltaire wrote). But can he reconcile what he sees and experiences with the optimistic philosophy of his mentor Pangloss, that they live in 'the best of all possible worlds' and that 'everything is for the best'.Divided into 30 chapters, "Candide" cheekily runs through the cliches of romantic and adventure fiction, as well as being a savage satire on religion, governments, the military, 'the German personality' and practically anything else you could mention. Among the events which inspired Voltaire to write this mordant masterpiece were the Seven Years War and the Great Earthquake of Lisbon (1755) and he was also a great admirer of Jonathan Swift's "Gulliver's Travels" (1726). The story Voltaire produced in homage to Swift features a galloping plot where calamity relentlessly follows catastrophe, collapse and cataclysm to bleakly comic effect. The story is as entertaining today as when the pages first rolled off the press back in 1759. Voltaire's "Candide" has remained in print since that time and this is a handsome version which those who love books will want to see on their shelves. This is a beautiful edition to buy to keep or to give as a gift.

poetry book: Einstein’s Cat: short book of funny, illustrated, original quick read poems (Get Your Wordsworth 1)

If Ogden Nash, Dr. Seuss and Friedrich Neitzsche got together to write a book of poetry for emerging adults, they'd probably be disappointed to find Tom Skinner had beaten them to the punch.

For children with inquisitive minds and a sense of adventure, this book of offbeat poetry blends creativity and entertaining turns of phrases to get readers aged 8-15 to think outside any boxes convention may impose.

Taking off on the works of the wild-haired Father of Physics, Einstein's Cat erases the equation from the blackboard and gives your children permission to think on their own. Yes, a clean slate!

This collection of poems will ignite your kids to reason on their own while developing unique views of life with its inconsistencies, diversity and immutable wonder.

Praise for Skinner's work:

'As a teacher, I know that kids and teens love ideas from left field, a play on words that makes them giggle, and stretches their creative language skills. Tom's book lifts poetry, puns and ideas from the ordinariness of life, to playful comments and musings...'

'I love Shel Silverstein books (who doesn't). But this book is something more, something different. The poems are full of voluptuous words and pleasurable word play that sit in your mouth like pieces of melting chocolate. Yes, they are that good.'

Some writers mistakenly talk down to young readers, while Tom speaks with his audience in a unique voice that is refreshing, encouraging, and adventurous.

So go ahead and read along with your kids and wrap your brains around such works as Einstein's Cat, Woks Happ'ning Bro? and Stop and Smell the (Grumpy) Roses.

Einstein's Cat is the first standalone book in the unconventional poetry-prose fusion collection, Get Your Wordsworth.

***For a limited time, you can get the latest book in the Get Your Wordsworth poetry collection, Overload, for free - click here to find out more > http://bit.do/TomsWordPlayRocks (just copy and paste into your browser)***

Interview with the AuthorQ - So, what makes the Get Your Wordsworth series special?

A - When I set out to write these books, I wanted to create a new type of poetry. A poetry-prose hybrid that was much less rigid, formal or technical than the traditional model and one that did not bore the buttocks off bright young people.

Overall, the Get Your Wordsworth series is designed for those, young and old alike, who appreciate the English language in all its nuanced, layered and textured glory and who can handle a judicious mix of the super silly and gently philosophical all imbued with a healthy dose of wry and dry humor!

Q - What order should I read the books in?

A - I've written the series so you can read the books in any order. If you do want to read them in the order they were written:

- Einstein's Cat

- Pavlov's Dog

- It's Slapstick

- Plain Crazy

- Too Much TV

- Tractor Gate

- Overload

Q - So, why should readers give these books a try?

A - Because the Get Your Wordsworth series is for mavericks and early adopters who are looking for urban, contemporary poetry prose with a twist for Generation Z who may not have the time, attention or inclination for more traditional poetry styles.

Ultimately, readers who think poetry is a tad tedious but who enjoy wit, whimsy, puns, satire and wordplay in a highly succinct, quick-read format, will get a kick out of this series.

Q - Can readers get the whole series in one go?

A - Sure. I've put together a box-set bundle if people want to save a little moolah and grab the first six books in one swoop. Check out my author page here at Amazon for more details, and a full list of my available titles.











Whiteboards are Remarkable: 200 Dad Jokes, Dadnanigans and Puns

A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.

Top 5 reasons to buy Whiteboards are Remarkable:

5. In order to carry on the great tradition of dad jokes and dadnangans in your family.

4. Learn new ways to annoy you children.

3. Relive your childhood and all the great, groan-worthy jokes from your dad.

2. In preparation to become a father.

1. Add more laughter to your life.

About the editor: while not a dad herself, Denise Fortner's sense of humor has been earning eyerolls and causing cringes for years. She works as a freelance writer when she isn't telling groan-worthy jokes (and sometimes when she does). Dozens of 3-year-olds find her hysterical (well, ok, at least a dozen, or maybe a dozen if you round up to the nearest dozen), including her impersonations of cartoon characters or celebrities they're never heard of, which may or may not actually exist.

Denise has put her stand-up comedy career on hold, since she has not bee able to locate any comedy clubs that cater to 3-year-olds, and secondly, she'd rather sit anyway.

They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian - they're not laughing now.

Approximately 47 pages long, depending on the eBook reader settings.

Free Story "The Girl Who Wanted to be a Princess" from Newfangled Fairy Tales

Michelle Koszlowski desparately wantes to be a princess until her wish comes true and she discovers what a pain royal life can be.

The full collection of ten contemporary fairy tales is the second in the critically acclaimed series--puts a delightful new spin on classic stories and themes. Michelle Koszlowski desparately wantes to be a princess until her wish comes true and she discovers what a pain royal life can be. The Little Tailor brags to everyone about his bravery until a giant comes along and teaches him a lesson. Rapunzel is held captive in a high-rise apartment by an urban witch who owns a pizza parlor. A postmodern wolf refuses to eat the bratty Little Red Riding Hood and her sickly grandmother. Hansel is so obsessed with candy that he steals Gretel's piggy bank and runs off to the Old Witch's Candy Factory.

American Drug Chronicles: An Anthology

Drugs have been a central part of the American landscape since the birth of the nation. Benjamin Franklin's affinity for opium was known far and wide. Thomas Jefferson grew hemp on his plantation -- err, his "happy workers" did. Settlers sat in circles with natives and passed around majestic pipes.

Featuring Cracked.com columnists Adam Tod Brown and Kathy Benjamin, New York Times best-selling authors Tony O'Neill and Andrew Shaffer, Clickhole.com contributor Brian Boone, deep sea thriller writer Gabino Iglesias, comedian Lon Harris, and Annie Julia Wyman, American Drug Chronicles...captures the true spirit of America: a nation built by the people and for the people (on drugs).

Here we have an anthology as American as apple pie -- if it was crammed with cannabis.

Hettford Witch Hunt: Series One

"With subtle humor and a charming regional voice, James Rhodes cleverly crafts a story of vengeance, mystery and witchcraft. Deftly weaving the ordinary and supernatural Rhodes leads readers along a path strewn with dreary workaday details offset by exciting glimpses of an otherworld that threatens to destroy the safety of the mundane."

-Kirsten Imani Kasai, Author: Ice Song, Tattoo, Del Rey Books

Gary Turlough is falling deeper into his post-graduate slump as each day goes by. He is in a dead-end job with no prospects and, following a slight indiscretion with a local goth, his girlfriend is one more mistake away from heading back to New Zealand. Life in the small village of Hettford would be tough enough without the spirits of two 18th Century witches plotting to kill his only two friends.

Milton and Dan are the real ale drinking hill-walkers of witch hunting: Nobody may believe them, nobody may reward them and they might not ever accomplish very much but nonetheless they remain devoted to their cause. With a slick sitcom format this novel is a must have for fans of paranormal comedy.

SERIES TWO: Available now!

Mouth Open Story Fell Out: Cynical Rants Of A Singleton

Running on nothing but a busted heart, a potty mouth and the blinking cursor on a screen, Shem uses her latest breakup and a laptop as free therapy.

After unexpectedly being inducted into the hall of singledom by her closeted girlfriend (the girl she probably should never have fallen for) and urged by a friend to stop crying and start writing, Shem takes to penning the do's and don'ts of trying to move on from an ex but still failing miserably. This short non-fiction narrative presents a collection of rambling romantic faux pas backed up with zero scientific research, just outlandish statements!

"Recently I read a quote by American musician Frank Ocean, which said: 'If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously, punch them in the face, and go get ice cream.' I instantly fell in love with this, as it captured exactly how I felt after the self-pity and dramatic wailing had subsided."

Packed with hilariously tragic pearls of wisdom and self-inflicted drama, this short compilation of writing is an insight into the life of a single girl and the brain burps of all things love related. Mouth Open Story Fell Out: Cynical Rants of a Singleton simply offers a little heads up when trying to navigate the minefield that is the single life.

Hug (the Pug)

Hug (the Pug) tells the tale of a cute little pug who is on a quest for friendship, however, will his bladder problem prevent him from making friends?

Ward of the Flies: A Child Counselor's F*ck-My-Life True Story

Clint Looney baby-sits the insane.

To land his dream job in gifted education, Clint needs experience. He takes the only position available: counselor at a summer camp for disturbed children. But school never taught him to handle real-world crazy.

To get the job recommendations they need, Clint and his co-workers must wow their A-hole boss. Only the swarming, psychotic, merciless kids stand in their way.

From the hick towns of upstate New York to the rampant, muggy forests of the Hudson River Valley, Clint and company match wits with America's worst young minds. Watch as they scale the treetops, dodge flying poo and chase naked, howling teens through the forest. They wanted a resume builder. They got a marathon of madness. Will they go on to bigger, better lives, or work at camp forever? Can Clint escape the Ward of the Flies?

Bex Carter 1: Aunt Jeanie's Revenge (The Bex Carter Series)

Thirteen-year-old Bex Carter has a lot on her plate. Her biggest challenge is living with her Aunt Jeanie. As much as Bex tries to please her aunt, they always seem to butt heads. Sometimes Bex feels as if Aunt Jeanie goes out of her way to make her life miserable. Aunt Jeanie enrolls Bex in a social group called the Silver Roses, a group that's supposed to teach young girls how to be proper ladies. It turns out to be nothing more than a club for snobs. Bex wants out, but she's made a deal with Aunt Jeanie. Will Bex take a stand against the Silver Roses or will their snobbery rub off on her? Grades 5-8

Taking Off

A few years after graduating college, Ty was fed up with "working" and "acting responsibly like every other adult is expected to," and chose instead to quit his job and backpack across Europe and Asia. Taking Off is the mostly true memoir of his trip.

Yes, this may come as a shock, but a twenty-something wrote about his experiences travelling. Kind of like when Ashley from HR sent you the link to her vacation blog. The differences being that this book is longer, has less pictures of Ashley in a bikini, and gives you no real obligation to read it since you'll never bump into Ty in the break room where he'll ask you how you liked it. But regardless of obligation, you can still appreciate this book, as it consists of several humorous, interesting, and worthwhile anecdotes that are way more interesting than anything that self-absorbed narcissist Ashley could ever write.

This book is completely, 100% free. So if you're interested, give it a read. If you like it, tell a friend about how good it was. If you don't like it, lie to an enemy about how good it was. Either way, make sure to flaunt the book's completion to someone. You're literate for God's sake, and the contemptible people with whom you surround yourself need to be made aware of your superiority.

Hot Shots FC

This is the first book in the 'stupidly funny' football series, Hot Shots FC. It is for children aimed 6-12 who like football, or being silly, or laughing out loud again and again!

It follows the fortunes of Hat Trick Boy, who is selected to join local side Hammers FC. But there is a problem: his friends aren't picked. So Hat Trick Boy has to choose between his friends and his football, and he makes a mistake. He deserts his friends and decides to join the rather rough Hammers FC. But he doesn't know his friends are about to set up the greatest junior football club ever, Hot Shots FC...

Dinosaur Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids

Are you ready for the best Dinosaur Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What does a triceratops sit on?

A: Its tricera-bottoms

Q: What do you call a snoring dinosaur?

A: A dino-snore

Q: Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun?

A: At the dino-shore

Q: What do you call it when a dinosaur makes a goal with a soccer ball?

A: A dino-score

Q: What do you call a tyrannosaurus that talks and talks and talks?

A: A dinobore

You'll find more of them when you buy the book. It is FREE for a LIMITED TIME ONLY!

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW!





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, dino jokes, dinosaur jokes

Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)

Innocence, the stupidest boy in the world, is convinced killer mosquitoes from the sun are coming to destroy Earth. So he sets out on a quest to persuade Liquorice, a reclusive inventor girl, to sew up the hole in the Ozone layer to keep them out. Together they must save the world! (If only Liquorice would take him seriously...)

It's got KitKat-addicted pheasants, it's got a space rocket, it's got mouldy orange juice, it's got a shady-eyed, evil boss... And yes, it's even got a curly-whiskered cat called Dame Bartholomew Crustacean!

Max's Revenge: A wedding, a party and a plate of dog food stew: Volume 1 (The Max Books)

Max is out for revenge. In The Wedding, Max gets dumped from being the pageboy at his uncle's wedding. A five year old takes his place. Max isn't happy and he knows who is to blame. His evil aunt. Max wants revenge. Not just any revenge; but clever, satisfying revenge. Will he get his chance before the wedding is over? In Dog Food Stew, Max uncovers his aunt's evil plan to sell his nanna's house. But Max has a plan of his own. Will he stop his nanna's house from being sold and get revenge on his evil aunt? Revenge can be sweet, but it can also leave a funny taste. Book Categories: Adventure books for kids 9-12 Action books for kids 9-12 Series books for kids age 9-12 Children's adventure books age 9-12 Please scroll up and click the Look Inside feature on the top left hand side of the page.

BITCOIN: 100+ Funny Cryptocurrency Jokes & Memes + BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

Download this book for free if you have Amazon Prime/Kindle unlimited!

It's BITCOIN and Cryptocurrency time!

Number one BITCOIN book, that actually makes fun of BITCOIN and Cryptocurrency itself!

100+ Funny BITCOIN and Cryptocurrency Jokes and Memes will keep you happy for days to come!

Punny Fanda approved.

Every investor should have some basic knowledge about BITCOIN and Cryptocurrencies - why not acquire it in a humorous way?.

I encourage you to take a leap of faith and download

this great and funny comedy book, which You wont regret!

YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!

In this BITCOIN book you will find great PICTURES with funny memes, hilarious jokes and wise quotes about all kinds of cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Ethereum, Dash, Litecoin, NEO and many more!

This book will make you laugh and also leave you with some cool quotes and info!

Quit reading this boring description and click that download button!

Tags: Books about investing, bitcoin and cryptocurrency technologies, bitcoin memes and jokes, bitcoin for dummies, bitcoin mining, bitcoin trading, bitcoin investing, ethereum investing.

Memes: Super Funny Collection of Best Memes and Jokes 2017 (Book 15) (Memes Expert) (Funny Memes)

FREE Gift Iside Included! Enjoy the biggest series of funniest Memes!

This is the biggest collection of Memes gathered in one place for your convenience. Get ready for a good laught!

Some of presented memes could be not suitable for children, so be warned.

This book is FREE for Kindle Unlimited users!

Just scroll to the top and press the "Buy" button

A Lonely Dog on Christmas

Christmas Day is fast approaching. For Beckham, the family bulldog, it means just another year of being ignored while chaos and mayhem reign throughout the house. In this holiday short story full of laughter and family dysfunction, Beckham narrates an ill-conceived plan to create an unforgettable landmark moment in order to reclaim the spotlight as the center of attention. As the extended family gathers to make merry and observe their annual tradition, Beckham has another idea in mind to celebrate and make it a day to remember.

A Lonely Dog on Christmas is not intended for children and contains language unsuitable for young readers.

The Law of Attraction: Volume 1 (Lawyers In Love)

A funny, hot, and sexy new release from N.M. Silber Once upon a time two lawyers fell in love across a courtroom ... Gabrielle Ginsberg was a public defender with plenty of nerve and Braden Pierce was an assistant district attorney with a whole lot of swagger. Gabrielle wanted Braden and Braden wanted Gabrielle. And Cameron wanted Gabrielle. And Marla wanted Braden. And Cole wanted Gabrielle. And Mrs. Mason wanted Braden. And an anonymous letter writer wanted to keep Gabrielle and Braden apart. Together Gabrielle and Braden discovered many important things, like which doors at the courthouse actually locked, and that desks could be useful for more than writing. They also found out that the path of love was not always smooth, and it was sometimes trod upon by some really wacky people, like a confused fanny grabber, an eighty-two year old pothead and a gentleman who threw a wine and cheese party in his pants. Could true love overcome a lack of privacy, interference by jealous rivals and the insanity of the criminal court system? NOTICE: This book contains explicit descriptions of sexual situations and mature language. It is intended for readers over the age of eighteen.

Memes: Funny Memes 2017

The Largest Collection of Funniest Memes On the Internet

FREE BONUS MEME MEGA BOOK INCLUDED!

Be sure to download for FREE using Kindle Unlimited

The Best Memes On The Internet!

This book contains over 2,000 pages of memes! I've gathered here the best memes on the internet for you to easily browse in one place, from cat memes to the classics.

This book is probably inappropriate for children so be warned!

I hope you enjoy!

April Fools Pranks: 31 Pranks for the Office

31 April Fools Day Pranks you can play at the office. Rock solid full of good clean fun that should be ok for most office settings. If you have ever wanted to play a good April Fools Day Joke on someone and didn't know what to do, this little joke book has 31 good choices.

There are even good suggestions for what you can do even if you aren't good at playing practical jokes on your co-workers. Very little preparation or cost involved. Most of the 31 April Fools practical jokes cost nothing.

April 1st is coming and if you don't have this little April Fool prank book - you can be assured someone in your office does. Be warned!

Turkey Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids (with pictures)

***UPDATED: AUGUST 2017 with PICTURES***

Are you ready for the best Turkey Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What key won't open any door?

A: A turkey

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?

A: It was the chicken's day off.

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: It was stuck on the turkey's foot.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

A: To prove he wasn't chicken

Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys?

A: Foul weather

You'll find more of them when you buy the book.

***Read it FREE With Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership***

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW (click BUY NOW WITH 1-CLICK) or READ it FREE with Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership.





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, funny turkey jokes

How to Never Offend Anyone: The Simplest Self-Help Guide Ever Written ("Duh!!" Series)

Do you need the most straightforward answers to some of life's most challenging questions? Look no further.

The "Duh!!" series of books provides the most direct, simple means possible to avoiding or accomplishing so many things. Buy one for yourself, AND DEFINITELY gift one to a friend in need!

Makes a great gag gift. Great for the passive-aggressive friend!

How to Be Awesome at Football: The Simplest Self-Help Guide Ever Written ("Duh!!" Series)

Do you need the most straightforward answers to some of life's most challenging questions? Look no further.

The "Duh!!" series of books provides the most direct, simple means possible to avoiding or accomplishing so many things. Buy one for yourself, AND DEFINITELY gift one to a friend in need!

Makes a great gag gift. Great for the passive-aggressive friend!

How to Know if You're Having a Boy or a Girl: The Simplest Self-Help Guide Ever Written ("Duh!!" Series)

Do you need the most straightforward answers to some of life's most challenging questions? Look no further.

The "Duh!!" series of books provides the most direct, simple means possible to avoiding or accomplishing so many things. Buy one for yourself, AND DEFINITELY gift one to a friend in need!

Makes a great gag gift. Great for the passive-aggressive friend!

How to Do Yoga While Pregnant: The Simplest Self-Help Guide Ever Written ("Duh!!" Series)

Do you need the most straightforward answers to some of life's most challenging questions? Look no further.

The "Duh!!" series of books provides the most direct, simple means possible to avoiding or accomplishing so many things. Buy one for yourself, AND DEFINITELY gift one to a friend in need!

Makes a great gag gift. Great for the passive-aggressive friend!

100+ Knock Knock Jokes: Funny Knock Knock Jokes for Kids (Funny Jokes for Kids)

Best-Selling Joke Book for Kids!Are you looking for a fun book to keep the kids entertained and happy? This funny joke book for kids is excellent for early and beginning readers. Laughing and jokes have been proven to have positive mental and physical effects on the body!This books is especially great for long trips, waiting rooms, and reading aloud at home.100+ knock knock funny jokesExcellent for early and beginner readersHours of fun and entertainment for kids and childrenGreat for long trips, waiting rooms, and reading aloudFunny and hilarious knock knock jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults.From this Funny Joke Book...Knock knock!Who's there?Bless!Bless who?I didn't sneeze!LOL!Knock knock!Who's there?Auntie!Auntie who?Auntie glad to see me again!HAHA!Knock knock!Who's there?Zeke!Zeke who?Zeke and ye shall find!LOL!Knock knock!Who's there?Arnie!Arnie who!Arnie having fun?HAHA!Knock knock!Who's there?Carl!Carl who?Carl get you there faster than walking will!Best-Selling Author Johnny B. LaughingThe Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy and MASSIVE assortment of knock knock jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults. This awesome joke book for kids is easy to read and full of laughs!WARNING: This funny joke book will cause you to laugh hysterically!Scroll up and click 'buy' to start laughing today!Tags: funny knock knock jokes for kids, funny joke, funny jokes, lol, jokes, food, joke book, knock knock book, ebook, books, funny, knock knock jokes, ebooks, funny jokes, kids, haha, hilarious, children, joke, kid, funny jokes for children, kids books, childrens books, childrens book, kids book, kids books, funny knock knock jokes, joke book, food book, joke books, hilarious, lol, laughing, laughter, knock knock, funny jokes, funny joke book, book for kids, kindle book, kindle ebook, joke, jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for children, knock knock jokes, knock knock jokes for kids, funny jokes, jo

ARNOLD: Funny Jokes & Memes (Arnold Schwarzenegger parody book) + BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!

It's Arnold Schwarzenegger time!

Number one Arnold Schwarzenegger book, that actually makes fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger itself!

Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes and Memes will keep you happy for days to come!

Punny Fanda approved.

+ BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

Every action movie lover should have some basic knowledge about Arnold Schwarzenegger - why not acquire it in a humorous way?.

I encourage you to take a leap of faith and download

this great and funny comedy book, which You wont regret!

YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!

In this Arnold Schwarzenegger book you will find great PICTURES with funny memes, hilarious jokes and wise quotes all in one place.

This book will make you laugh and also leave you with some cool quotes and info!

Quit reading this boring description and click that download button!

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, bodybuilding for beginners, terminator omnibus, encyclopedia of modern bodybuilding, terminator books, arnold schwarzenegger bodybuilding, arnold schwarzenegger biography, arnold schwarzenegger book.

Quinceys Quirky Quiz Books Photo Dingbats Volume One: Photo Puzzles Volume 1

If you like to watch Catchphrase, then take a look at this book of Photo Dingbats that I have created.

These puzzles are known by various names such as Rebuses, Pictograms and Dingbats. They consist of a picture that represents a well known saying or word or phrase.

Keep your brain active with this volume of fifty puzzles.

A Beginners Guide to Criminality: how to be a successful villain

So you're thinking of converting to a life of crime; contemplating turning your back on society and normality for an alternative vocation; giving serious consideration to saying "t'hell with the laws of the land!" and "I'm going out to take what's not rightfully mine!"?

Who can blame you! In these times of high unemployment, low wages, austerity cuts, increased cost of living and social decay (not to mention a faltering judicial system) why wouldn't you consider a slightly unorthodox profession? After all, the latest games consoles, interactive TV's and new cars don't come cheap - not to mention booze and cigarettes!

Maybe you've tried the conventional Monday to Friday, nine to five existence and decided that lifestyle just isn't for you. Perhaps you've never worked a day in your life and criminality comes naturally to your clan and as such a life of crime is your destiny - upholding the proud family name.

Venturing down the criminal path is not a decision to be taken lightly though; there are many factors you must consider in advance if you want to make the most of your villainous plans. This short guide will provide all you need to know about crossing over to the dark side and setting off on your journey of self-discovery and debauchery as you pillage and plunder your way up the criminal ladder from petty thief, to powerful crime lord.

To Cast A Cliche´ (A Just For Sh*#& and Giggles Short Story Book 2)

The evil Queen Lucinda exacts revenge on a royal poet by casting a spell of never-ending cliches upon the kingdom. Will the clever King Richard thwart his stepmother's magic and save the good people of Maxim? Test your literary knowledge and enjoy an entertaining spoof on fairytales.

Did You Spank Your Wife Last Night? (The Sundowner Diaries)

A humorous adult essay on the fall out from the book publishing phenomenon 50 Shades Of Grey. Plus 3 other fun articles.

[Articles - Adult Humor - 8000 words - 21 pages]

Unconventional Fitness Tips: 30 of the Funniest, Smartest, Most Unforgettable Fitness Tips to Burn Fat, Build Muscle, and Get Lean



Here's My Collection of the Best (and Most Hilarious)Fitness Tips and Quotes from the Top Trainers and Strength Coaches in the World

This is a collection of my favorite fitness quotes. I searched for the funniest, most inspirational, most motivational fitness tips out there.

This isn't a list of rehashed, corny, "seen a million times on Facebook" health and fitness quotes. These are quotes of wisdom, insight, and humor.

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ronnie Coleman. Elliott Hulse. Nate Miyaki. Jim Wendler. Mark Rippetoe. Muhammad Ali. Steve Reeves. Tony Gentilecore. Jason Ferruggia. Bret Contreras. Tony Gentilecore. Eric Cressey. Alan Aragon.

When these guys speak, I listen. And so should you.

They represent some of the best strength, fitness, nutrition, and physique coaches in the world. They are all incredibly accomplished with decades of training and coaching under their belts.

So I scoured the internet, looking for the best, most inspirational, most funny, and most insightful fitness tips I could find and divided them between diet advice and exercise advice.

---->Download this free book now and get ready to laugh (and use these tips to get ripped)



P.S.

***And while you're at it - please don't forget to leave a review***

Charlie The Pissed Off Mutt

Charlie is a dog who suffers from anger issues. Trying to impress his owner, his number one goal in life is to become a house dog. Things are looking good until Jasper the stray dog shows up uninvited. Pissed off, Charlie has to come up with a plan to get rid of Jasper once and for all.

Part 2 is Available Now at This Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XO8OXTO

What Love Becomes: An Oral Account of Three Relationships in Various States of Flux

What Love Becomes is the oral account of one family's trials and tribulations as their baby boy becomes a man and takes a bride.

David Baxter is getting married this Saturday, to a lovely girl named Natalie. They're beside themselves with happiness, blissfully unaware of the world's problems as they consummate their union with an alarming regularity.

Thomas Baxter is the eldest, and the most level-headed. He is in a sensible, practical marriage to Chloe, a pragmatic, idealistic sort herself. They bought each other the box set of TV's Friends last Christmas, and are currently enjoying Season Six.

Brent Baxter is the middle child. He is estranged from his wife, Renee. Together they have a daughter, Scarlett.

Edwin and Ruth are the divorced parents of these three upstanding gentlemen. They have each expressed that they tend to enjoy life more when the other is not in the room.

Join the Baxters as they prepare for the sacred union of one David Mitchell Baxter to the positively radiant Natalie Kate Mullens. Share their laughter, their tears, their blood and various other bodily fluids too.

Halloween Pranks: Seven pranks for the week leading up to Halloween

A fully illustrated prank book for the week leading up to Halloween. Quick and easy pranks to pull on your kids, friends or lovers - if they deserve it - during the season of spook!

There is no easier way to say you love someone than to show them, right? And if showing means making them smile, even better. Try a seasonal love prank to make your kid, friends or lover laugh!

If you are running low on ideas, no worries! Haunted Holly, the top agent from the WeLovePranks Agency will show you how in the Halloween Pranks prank book!

150 Knock! Knock! Jokes

150 hilarious knock knock jokes to keep the kids amused, with lots of charming illustrations.

When Video Games Come To Life: An Unofficial Minecraft Book (The Block-Boy Saga 1)

When Video Games Come To Life: The Block-Boy Saga Book 1

Jake spends most of his free time playing video games. The real world bores him. It lacks wonder, and bad things always happen. The virtual world is his sweet escape -- a place where anything is possible.

His life changes when the two worlds start to collide. Suddenly he can control blocks, fly, and summon items. But he's not alone -- there are other "MetaGamers" and they're using their newfound powers for evil. Now Jake must fight to save Arcadia before it's too late.

Bedoggled (Country Misadventures Book 2)

"As before, the writing is colorful, evocative and humorous...." - Amazon reviewer mwalimu

*******************************************

Tracy Heath once again brings the quirky Oregon desert and its people to you with her feel-good, laugh-out-loud tales. In this second book of her Country Misadventures series, Tracy recounts numerous stories full of humor and poignancy.

Experience the face-palm moments of becoming a dog owner:

"Considering his klutzy habits and ill-mannered behavior, [Bowser's] knowledge of the indoors was limited. But his understanding of life in general was lacking, so we should have seen something coming."

Relive the days of T-ball where the hardest part of the game is keeping the helmet out of your eyes:

"We had a few players that could hit the ball off the tee onto the field and then run toward first base. Sometimes they forgot to turn left after reaching first and just kept galloping into the outfield, but it was a start."

And get ready for hard-core fishing, folks, because fishing's not for wimps:

"Dripping piteously, the fishers reached the foot of the trail and took a minute to gaze up the steep, switchbacked path, the shadows already growing long around them. Crying seemed a viable option...."

Enjoy these escapades and several other comical stories in Tracy's take on country life. Bedoggled is available solely for your entertainment!

(Formerly titled "A Proper Fish Story")

Click "Buy" to get your humor fix today!

Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn’t Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About

Laugh Out Loud Fun & The Truth About the Gym... ***Get this book by personal trainer & author Dale L. Roberts*** Seriously, how many times have you entered the gym only to leave frustrated because of meatheads, stinkpots and glorified prostitutes? Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn't Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About covers what a lot of gym patrons have been thinking, such as: Common sense issues - where is it in the gym?!Temporary paralysis & amnesia - 2 common side effects of weight lifting Body odor & ridiculous amounts of body spray Treating the locker room as a nudist resort Spitting in the water fountain & on the floor Gymtimidation - how people are trying to scare you out of "their" gym Singing Out Loud - when has a workout needed to be an American Idol audition?! Excessive screaming and recklessly dropping weightsTaking gym selfies & videos of other people And so much more high-jinx, shenanigans and other issues plaguing the common gym these days To help preserve the integrity of your workouts, safety and personal space included, the unwritten code of gym etiquette exists. This is a customary code of polite behavior, an unwritten set of rules that essentially is common sense. However, common sense isn't always common practice, so "Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn't Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About" points out the glaring issues and states what many hardcore fitness enthusiasts and truly dedicated people say, think and feel about gym etiquette. When these rules are broken, people create small disturbances and mild annoyances. Other violations may cause serious injury to hapless, unsuspecting victims who were just looking to get in a good workout. Simple steps and easy common sense actions will make for a better gym experience for everyone. So, abide by these easy-to-follow rules in gym etiquette to make everyone's workouts safe, fun and effective. Download this book today & go into your next workout fully preparedAvailable for borrowin

Cover Your Ass: Foolproof Excuses for Any Occasion

We all get into trouble. We are late. We got caught speeding. We didn't get our homework in on time. Now here is the book that gives you foolproof funny excuses for almost any situation.

Complete with illustrations and scenarios, Cover Your Ass gives you the foolproof excuses to cover your butt. Examples of chapters include:

o Why I Won't Have Sex With You

o Why I Can't Come to Work

o Why I Can't Go to the Gym

o Why I Sent You a Drunk Text

o Why I Went Off My Diet

Using the humorous excuses in this book can bail you out of difficult situations. So there is no excuse for failing to buy this book!

The author is the recipient of the Noble Prize in Literature, the recipient of the Pulitzer Prize, and a New York Times Bestselling author. Of course, none of that is remotely true, but he has a good excuse for making that up. Read the book for the answer!

Life Lessons, By Year

The saying "You're only young once" isn't really applicable to our generation. The time capsule that is Thought Catalog lets readers live it and relive it again. Many of our writers have gotten into a habit of composing year-in-review lists on the eve of their birthdays. Here, we've combined essays from writers 18-31 years of age. While desires and reactions might change from year to year, you'll notice that at every age, we all want the same thing: to waste less time worrying and more time doing.

Christmas Wishes: A short story for the silly season

***This is not a children's book!!! Content suitable to over 18s only***

Kevin is one of Santa's elves, but he's not happy. Outcast from normal elven life due to a birth defect, Kevin spends most of his time alone. And Christmas is the worst. This Christmas though, all he wants is someone to spend it with.

Squeak is a mouse shifter and constantly relied on by her family to fetch food. When she gets lost in a storm and takes refuge in an empty warehouse, the last thing she expects is the kindness of a sad elf.

They each wish for something more for their lives. Will they get their Christmas Wishes?

Animal Mandalas Coloring Book | Children Fun Edition 1

Can a child still recognize animals even when they're made into Mandalas? This book will definitely....

Becoming Us: College love never hurt so good: Volume 1 (London Lovers Series)

The dreaded friend-zone... The last place I ever want to be with college basketball God, Jake LaShae. I am losing my mind trying to figure out what this gorgeous and confident man wants from me. I need to break through his walls. What is it about me that makes him not go there? What am I lacking? When a mind-blowing betrayal knocks the wind out of me, and I think I can't feel any lower...Brody stumbles into my path-barefoot no less, and sexy as hell. His direct and mouth-watering swagger is a breath of fresh air. The feelings this man gives me are like nothing I've ever experienced. But Brody has a past. A past that makes it nearly impossible for him to trust me and let us become us in whatever capacity that may be. Just when Brody and I truly connect, just when I think that finding my soul-mate in college isn't a total joke, Jake comes back into my life...and messes things up...possibly for good.

Fade to Gray

Fade to Gray is a very short essay and one of the main reasons why the title is free for your enjoyment.

It is a hilarious account of one woman's attempt to transition to gray as easily and as quickly as possible. From the decision to let Mother Nature be her hair colorist to the final "colorful" outcome, follow the author as she spends many funny and agonizing hours in the hair salon to get a "natural look".

This is one coming of (old) age story that will have you crying tears of laughter to the very last page.

The Collected Parody and Humor Prose of F. Scott Fitzgerald

This carefully crafted ebook: "The Collected Parody and Humor Prose of F. Scott Fitzgerald" is formatted for your eReader with a functional and detailed table of contents. Table of Contents: Little Minnie McCloskey. The Old Frontiersman. The Diary of A Sophomore. The Prince of Pests. Cedric the Stoker. This Is a Magazine. Reminiscenses of Donald Stewart. Some Stories They Like to Tell Again. The most Disgraceful Thing I ever Did. Salesmanship in the Champs-Elysees. The True Story of Appomattox. A Book of One's Own. The Pampered Men. Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940) was an American writer of novels and short stories, whose works have been seen as evocative of the Jazz Age, a term he himself allegedly coined. He is regarded as one of the greatest twentieth century writers. Fitzgerald was of the self-styled "Lost Generation," Americans born in the 1890s who came of age during World War I. He finished four novels, left a fifth unfinished, and wrote dozens of short stories that treat themes of youth, despair, and age. He was married to Zelda Fitzgerald.

The Collected Miscellaneous Writings: Essays and Articles + Poems + Prose Parody & Humor + Reviews + Public Letters and Statements + Introductions and Blurbs

This carefully crafted ebook: "The Collected Miscellaneous Writings" is formatted for your eReader with a functional and detailed table of contents. Table of Contents: Essays and Articles. Poems. Prose Parody and Humor. Reviews. Public Letters and Statements. Introductions and Blurbs. Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald (1896 - 1940) was an American author well known for his short stories and novels. He is widely regarded as one of the greatest writers American soil has produced in the 20th century.

Legally Blonde in UAE: A Mini-Memoir

A mini-memoir about some hilarious times while Marsha Marie, an American, was living in United Arab Emirates as an English teacher. Not allowed to return to the States, Marsha chose UAE to be her new home.

Snake Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids (with pictures)

***UPDATED: AUGUST 2017 with PICTURES***

Are you ready for the best Snake Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What is snake's favorite subject?

A: Hiss-tory

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?

A: A pie-thon

Q: What is a snake's favorite dance?

A: The mamba

Q: What do you give a sick snake?

A: Asp-irin

Q: Why couldn't the snake talk?

A: It had a frog in his throat.

You'll find more of them when you buy the book.

***Read it FREE With Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership***

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW (click BUY NOW WITH 1-CLICK) or READ it FREE with Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership.





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, funny snake jokes

Fifty Shades of Neigh - A parody

They say money is a great aphrodisiac, but are there really enough billions in the world to mitigate the many flaws of a man who wears DON'T FRIENDZONE ME t-shirts and thinks all you have to do to acquire old-school, film noir charm is to pop on a fedora and call all women toots?

Can enough money exist to take the edge off a man like Crispian Neigh, a doughy internet billionaire of uncertain provenance and even less certain weight? Is he doomed to be Forever Alone, or is there a woman in the world who can see the man behind the billions, and forgive his habit of drawing busty dwarf erotica based on World of Warcraft characters?

Step forward Hanna Squeal - literature student and insurance risk, a self-proclaimed intellectual so alarmingly dim that she thinks Camus is a chickpea-based dip flavoured with garlic.

When Hanna stumbles, glissades and finally faceplants in front of him, Crispian Neigh is enraptured by her beauty, her implausible innocence and her shatteringly low self-esteem.

Cue several hundred pages of poorly-written, repetitive 'kinky' sex. Flogging, whipping, fisting, anal intercourse and things that would give even James Joyce cause to pause - none of these things happen in this book. Due to a sheltered girlhood (I'm not kidding - she's never even leaned up against the washing machine on the spin cycle.) Hanna doesn't even know the difference between an orgasm and a sneeze.

Also he's got that thing that hasn't quite cleared up yet.

But when Crispian makes Hanna an offer she can't refuse (Severed horse heads a very real possibility.) she is determined to forge on with the relationship in spite of the objections of her stoner friend Kate, her polyamorous Etsy addict mother and the rude retorts of her spiteful Inner Goddess.

Can Hanna change him? (No) Can she turn him into the kind of boyfriend she's always wanted? (Nope) And can she get over his deepest, darkest, pinkest secret and bring herself to love and tolerate My Little Brony? (Probably not - not if we want to wring a sequel out of this thing.)

They Win. You Lose.: Sex, Violence & Songs from the Shows (The Implosion Saga (Book 1))

They Win. You Lose. By Stan Arnold

Sex, Violence and Songs from the Shows.

They Win. You Lose. is the first book of The Implosion Saga. It's a very funny thriller. Mick and Jim are two incompetent, Soho-based, corporate video producers. They drink too much and don't earn enough.

So when the Mafia come calling, demanding back rent of ?6,000, they have ten minutes to do a runner. All they have is an old Morris Traveller (a Woodie, if you're in the US) and a tank full of petrol.

Their sudden flight takes them to the sex trade in Southsea, out-of-body experiences, horrendous amateur dramatics, Death Metal pubs, foul-mouthed, 80-year-old punk grannies and hit men dressed in pink Mexican outfits.

Under constant threat from enforcers, they get offered a mystery job in Las Vegas. When they arrive, six Reservoir Dogs' lookalikes are waiting for them. They make their escape using the world's most mercenary taxi driver.

During the next 24 hours, they chicken out a freight train, walk six moonlit miles across the desert with cactus-punctured groins, find out what badly manufactured LSD can do to you, avoid Thelma and Louise suicide-a-likes, have sex with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper, make a commitment in front of a Bourbon-fuelled Elvis at Big Derek's Gay Marriage Emporium and blow up a Harley Davidson. The final showdown takes place with the mafia boss in the world's most unspeakably lurid theatrical environment. A very neat twist propels them from sudden death into a totally different way of life.

Or does it?

Politics on the Playground, Episode One: Trump's Tantrum

***WARNING - This book is not for people with politically correct yardsticks wedged up their asses***

So you just happened upon this book by chance? You loathe The Donald and you want to see him slammed in a parody. Or maybe you are Donald Trump, and you are gathering evidence for your lawsuit against me. Either way, if this is your first PJ Jones book, you should be warned: I'm rude, crude, and crap your pants funny. Depending on the size of the yardstick wedged up your ass, I may also not be funny at all, disgusting, and shameful.

You are about to take a romp through some inane, low-brow prose, where most of your beloved conservative and liberal politicians will be roasted, skewed, and served up with gluten-free wasabi (sorry, Ted Cruz, but we're fresh out of the gluten kind).

In other words, if you don't spew coffee through your nose while reading this book, YOU'RE READING IT WRONG!

Sincerely, PJ

* * *

What critics are saying about Politics on the Playground

There's a special spot in hell for writers who parody Hillary Clinton--Madeleine Albright's neighbor's cat

If you publish this book, PJ, I swear I'll turn your house into a parking lot--A lawyer who claims he works for Donald Trump

I think Trump should throw PJ over the wall--An unnamed source who heard it from a friend of a friend of Sean Hannity

This book is a little too gay for me--Someone claiming to be Ted Cruz

Buy this book, and I'll send you a free used cigar--A flasher in the Safeway parking lot claiming to be Bill Clinton

The French Love Pastry and Her Tale in the Sand: A Dip into the Byblos Foretold Novaplex

Once upon a time, on the north coast of France, a callipygian chambermaid set her sights on a rich American with a fetish. It's the spring of 1903, and the coy Nicole--intoxicated by a combination of youthful infatuation and ageless avarice--puts all her most promising parts to work. But it's not by her comely tail she'll win this learned lad's heart, for his obsession runs deeper--or, at least, further down....

Reminiscent of the tales comprising The Decameron, this singular story recounts yet another skirmish in the age-old battle of the sexes, and then betters Boccaccio by adding a pair of instructive morals, a la: If you lead him by the nose, be sure to check the porridge for parts.

For more information on the novaplex, please visit: ByblosForetold.com

Fifty Shades of Paul Day

Kindle eBook exclusive. 34,000 Laugh-out-Loud words!

Fifty Shades of Paul Day

Selected Short Stories

If you like your books to have a little bit of plot and a whole lot of gratuitous sex and bondage, then you are best looking for some other "fifty shades..." book.

If you like your books to have a little bit of gratuitous sex and bondage and a whole lot of laughs - then you have found the right book!

This book is a special selection of short stories that gives a good introduction to the World of Paul Day and reflects some of the different shades of his personality and events that you will find in the full length, Paul Day Chronicles, comedy-epic books.

(I know that's about as tenuous a link to fifty shades as you'll get, but hey-ho!)

These stories are taken from either Goodbye B.M.X. Hello S.E.X. or Happily After Ever and focus on the events of an awkward 16 year old schoolboy or an awkward 30 year old man-boy!

And through his unique brand of life chaos, Paul somehow always seems to turn ordinary events into extraordinary, laugh out loud dramas!

Enjoy!

These short stories are taken from the award winning Paul Day Chronicles series - Happily After Ever was voted best humour / comedy book of the year by Laugh out Loud eBooks.

The Runaway Health Nut: A Parody On Nutritional Controversies

**Once there was a Desperate Health Nut who wanted to run away and find the Perfect Diet. So she said to the Nutrition Scientist, "I am going to run away and find the Perfect Diet."**

The Desperate Health Nut has one burning passion: to discover the truth about good nutrition. But whether she opts to explore a raw food diet, or jump into the world of the Paleo diet foods, her nemesis, the Nutrition Scientist, is there at every turn, confounding her every move to try to eat healthy.

If you are fed up with all the constant contradictions of health and nutrition research...if you are like me and have searched for years in vain for the Perfect Diet...if you are tired of all the holier-than-thou people who claim that their diet is more superior than any other...this parody is for you!

Based on Margaret Wise Brown's classic children's story, "The Runaway Bunny", this humorous article will lead you to the truth about good nutrition: that when you put all the food-related studies side by side, it disappears into a black hole. [ARTICLE: 2,155 words]

* * * * * * * * *

Emily Josephine has been studying, teaching and writing on the subject of natural health and nutrition since the late 1990s. A health nut and a homesteader, she can be found, at various times, harvesting fresh produce from her garden, managing the household finances, making fresh milk kefir, and homeschooling her son. Her passion is to help others create the most healthy, fulfilling life possible, despite the loud, obnoxious clamor continually coming forth from the nutrition research world.

Catchee Monkey: A Rex & Eddie Mystery: Volume 1 (Rex & Eddie Mysteries)

Two Detectives. One Murder. No Clue. When Eddie is persuaded to start a detective agency with his fr....

Poetry for Lazy Summer Afternoons

These 21 traditional rhyming poems by award-winning poet, John Howard Reid, include some that actively celebrate summer, ranging from "Summer Snare" and "Summer Sun" to "A Summer Plea" and "Summer Skies in Paradise". Many of the poems, such as "The Lawn Is Growing Wild" and "I'll Do Anything But Housework" are humorous in intent. A few, "Spanish Mission" and "The House Across the Street" are more serious. All are rhyming poems. Every line - all 831 of them - rhymes. Some of the metrical and rhyming schemes are original, some are conventional or traditional. (4,112 words).

Reverend Bates: Making My Glory Whole

Reverend Pom Bates is an evil man disguised as a realtor and a church official. Those who don't know him, trust him. Those who have been deceived by him will never be the same.

Finding Harmony: Cypress Corners Book 1: Volume 1

A country girl committed to nature. A city guy with his eye on the bottom line. A battle of wills...a battle for balance And a love that can tip the scales Rick Chapman is climbing to the top rung of his father's corporate ladder. Fulfilling Chapman Financial's contract at Cypress Corners, Florida will finally prove his value to the company. And to his father. But one endangered weed, and the pretty plant girl trying to save it, could really screw up his plans. Harmony Brooks loves her job as a plant conservationist at Cypress Corners, and the money she earns allows her to make up for a former boyfriend's betrayal. He not only stole her parents' money, he stole her heart. And that's something she won't ever risk again. But opposites attract, not that she or Rick ever expected to fall in love. Can Harmony prove to Rick that he's worth so much more than his father's approval? Or is Rick so blind he can't see that loving Harmony is worth losing what he's wanted for so long?

30 Dates: My yearlong journey in the dating world

What happens when you're 32, newly single, and looking for love? You delve into the underbelly of the online dating world.

Physics of Mind (Pisolo Books)

Physics of the mind is an unique book: it is a humoristic book about Neuroscience.

The book was written by Marco Bonafede with the Italian title "Fisica della Mente" and published in April 2000. It was translated into English by Ms Maria Concetta Spinosa and from 2001 to 2007 was available free to download as an ebook from the author's website.

This book is only a theoretical study on the brain organization and on the thought process; it is based on a very simple question: how can the brain distinguish the sequence of events? What has happened before from what happened later?

"Physics of mind" also had a very unusual editorial story: it suffered one of first cases of plagiarism on the internet...

By the same author, in English on Amazon:

- Sigmund Freud

- Wordless Comics

- Priests

- BOOMS: books and movies

- Ants inside: the truth about computers

STAR WARS II: 200+ Funny Memes & Jokes (Star Wars parody book) + BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

Download this book for free if you have Amazon Prime/Kindle unlimited!

Please note you don't need a Kindle device to enjoy this book!

Hottest Star Wars memes in one book!

200+ Funny Star Wars Memes & Jokes is an amazing book!

So if you're The Star Wars lover, then this one's for life!

+ BIG FAT BONUS INSIDE

These Star Wars memes will keep you smiling all the way through. Star Wars jokes are not hard to find on Amazon, but believe Punny Fanda know what he's talking about, when saying that this Star Wars meme book is the force!

Great quality Star Wars jokes and memes will keep you engaged and wanting for more.

So quit wasting precious time on this description and scroll up to hit that download button!

TAGS: star wars graphic novels, star wars jokes, star wars memes, star wars aftermath, funny star wars book, star wars comics, star wars rogue one

Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar: A Natural Perspective That Is and Is Not

"Mary Daly, a Leader in Feminist Theology, Dies at 81"

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I am alive and well and teaching the Sisters Seminar at Mt. Olinger College for Women.

While some describe me as a "radical lesbian feminist," I am--and always will be--a practicing Catholic.

In 1999, I left Tammany College after a male student dressed as a woman threatened suit when I denied "her" a place in my class on Feminist Ethics. I had long limited enrollment in my Advanced Women's Studies classes to birthed women only, maintaining that the presence of men there would inhibit frank discussion.

You know how I feel about men who attempt to become women without having the experience of growing up and suffering as women all their lives.

You know my credentials: Before obtaining my two doctorates in Sacred Theology and Existential Phenomenology from Olinger University, I received my B.A. with honors in English from Our Lady of the Flowers Seminary, my M.A. in Philosophy from The Papal College of Saints in Rome, and a D.Litt. in Renaissance Literature [in the first column] from Hudson University.

I taught classes at Olinger University from 1967 to 1999 including classes in feminist theology, feminist ethics, and deplorable patriarchy.

I am best known for my second non-fiction book, Beyond God the Heavenly Father (1977). Beyond God the Heavenly Father is the last book in which I really considered God a substantive, male subject. It is my attempt to explain and overcome misogyny in Western religion. It attempts to rehabilitate "God-talk" for the Women's Liberation movement by critically building on the writing of existentialist theologians such as Paul Tillich, Martin Buber, and Simone de Beauvoir.

Beyond God the Heavenly Father is notable for its playful writing style that anticipates Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar. My comic masterpiece is Z/z 2.1--an original, provocative, sexy, gender bending fantasy with the themes of transition, loss, abuse, despondency, and exclusion. Z/z 2.1 is Z/z massaged and enlarged.

In Gyn/Ecology/Uterus: Meditations on Radical Feminism (1988), I showed how men throughout history have used, oppressed, brutalized, vandalized, humiliated, tortured, raped, beaten, murdered, stoned, mutilated, and beheaded women. I moved beyond my previous thoughts on the history of patriarchy to focus on the actual practices that, in my view, perpetuate patriarchy, which I consider a horrific, disorganized religion.

MyPureHeat: ElementalSexualPhilosophy (1999) introduced and explored an alternative language to explain the processes of exorcism, witchcraft, and ecstasy. I provided definitions as well as chants to be used by women to free themselves from patriarchal oppression. I also explored the labels that patriarchal society places on women to prolong what I see as male domination of society. You may remember I said that it is the role of women to reject the debilitating labels such as "hag," "witch," "bitch," "bag lady," "whore," "fat," "dumb," and "lunatic." And I described in great detail my conversations with aZazelo, the Moon Goddess.

Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar is about love. Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar is not about sex, but about love.

Note: Men are strictly prohibited from downloading, buying, or reading Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar. Severe punishments will follow that God will devise. From God there is no escape.

If you've read this far, guys, I want you to consider actually reading Zazie's Genderqueer Superstar. Most of the rabble, riffraff, and scum won't. Guys, you know who I mean!

Things are not always as they appear, guys--if you get my drift.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Fractured Fairy Tales: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

In life, I was a Professor of English and Comparative Literature at Hudson University. I was a distinguished feminist scholar who illuminated the female experience through erudite interpretations of classic English literary texts and with literate mystery novels written under the name Miranda Castle.

Using chloroform, I committed suicide in my New York City apartment at age 66. I had long held the determination to commit suicide before 70 since my motto was "quit while you're ahead." Like the Epicureans, death had no meaning for me. I was a confirmed atheist. I left no instructions for my memorial, or about what to do with my body: "You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care," I said.

Little did I know there really is an afterlife!

I am best known as the author of nine scholarly books including Toward a Recognition of Androgyny, Reinventing Womanhood, and Writing a Woman's Life--plus scores of articles interpreting women's literature from a feminist perspective.

My novels are ostensibly murder mysteries whose amateur sleuth sometimes seeks clues in literary texts and a killer's motives in academic politics. My novels offer scathing depictions of academic backbiting, observations on Ivy League social pretensions, and thinly veiled, unflattering, portraits of male Hudson University professors.

In life, some critics complained that satiric wit and clever talk filled half my novels before the victim fell dead and that some of it sounded like an imitation of Jonathan Swift or Charlotte Perkins Gilman. But my readers took it all in good fun, and some compared my work to the cerebral puzzles of Carolyn Heilbrun and Raymond Queneau.

Fiercely and playfully, often at the same time, I used fiction to challenge the basic precepts of the Catholic Church and the world-wide patriarchy.

I think that the future offered to us by the world-wide patriarchy, especially by current technology--and by the politics represented, for example, by President Hump--makes it very obvious that the patriarchal future has no future--it's dead. The patriarchal future is a repetition of the same bunk.

I look forward to a Future that is rooted in a deep sense behind patriarchy, earlier than patriarchy. This "Archaic Future" is the possible future that is rooted in that which existed before patriarchy. I'm talking about a woman-centered, life-centered society in which you don't have the horrible oppressiveness and hierarchies that characterize the world-wide patriarchy.

I define patriarchy as "a society manufactured and controlled by males. The Fatherland. A society in which every legitimate institution is entirely in the hands of males and a few selected henchwomen. A society that is characterized by oppression, repression, depression, narcissism, cruelty, racism, classism, ageism, speciesism, objectification, sadomasochism, necrophilia, and the rest--a joyless society ruled by the Godfather, the Son, and the Wholly Ghost; a society fixated on proliferation, purgation, and perversion--bent on the destruction of all life.

So, come! enjoy! laugh! Read my fractured fairy tales!

I lurk behind them waiting for you!

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Montezuma's Revenge (Scott F Neve's Prequels, Sequels and Parodies Book 3)

Inspired by The Mummy starring Rachel Weisz and Brendan Fraser. The saga began when the lady librarian and the hero were diving in the Nile at the location of the Library of Alexandria. She had uncovered an ancient clue to the gold Book of Enoch, the great grandfather of Noah. The book was handed down from Methuselah to Ham. His descendant King Nimrod at the Tower of Babel had the parchment scroll copied into a tome of gold. He carried the gold book with him, but he was afraid to open it. Then God came down and mixed up the languages of the tribes of the earth. When God dispersed the families at the Tower of Babel, He transported them to the farthest islands and coastlines of the world. Then another king took the throne. He was Montezuma the magnificent. He was a great leader and visionary; and he possessed the book. The Book of Enoch contained blessings and curses. The blessings could raise the dead to life, or show signs in the heavens. The curses of the book were to bring a massive flood, or to transform a city and its people into pillars of salt.

First You Plz

First You Plz is a tale of immature girl, Avanti. It is a story of her struggle as she deals with worries of first love. Her journey from realization of the sweet feeling she experiences these days is called Love- her First Love. It is a tale of her secretly nurtured dream and her silent prayer that he will propose her in a very romantic way. It is a tale of her desire that she wants him to say those three magical words to her first.Although he hasn't shown much interest in her. Still in her heart she keeps on praying, first you plz... It is Avanti's journey of ups and downs of her first love and how she exhibits immaturity as she deals with anxieties of her first love.

Managing Your Website in Turbulent Times: Creating a Sane Asylum in a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Web World

I am a ghost writer.

In life, I was an American engineer, inventor, and science administrator, who, during World War II, headed the U.S. Office of Scientific Research and Development (OSRD) through which almost all wartime military research and development was carried out, including initiation and early administration of the Manhattan Project. I was also known in engineering for my work on analog computers, for founding Raytheon, and for the Memex, a hypothetical, adjustable microfilm viewer with a structure analogous to that of the hypertext that structures the World Wide Web today.

I am appalled at what has happened to the Internet and the World Wide Web since I died.

The manager of a large mutual fund wrote recently: "We are deferring to the professional we hired to help us make the best decisions as it is his business and he is handling very large national and international accounts with the significant expertise he has to offer us."

From the White House to Number 10 Downing Street, from the Kremlin to Zhongnanhai, from Lockheed Martin to Ford, from Harvard University to LaGuardia Community College, from Delmonico's to Charlie's Pizza Parlor, one of the most egregious errors committed by managers is deferring to the professionals--the "experts." In the language of Main Street, such deference is "passing the buck."

As the manager of your website, you are responsible for the technical aspects of your website. As the manager of your website, you are responsible for the management of both your web developer and your website.

Your website does not have to be a "black box."

You can master the fundamentals of web design and web hosting. In fact, you must master the fundamentals of web design and web hosting!

In these turbulent times, taking personal responsibility for your website is critical to the success of your customers, clients, patients, and constituents. Taking personal responsibility for your website is critical to the success of your management team, your stock holders, your directors, your creditors, and, yes, your web designers and web developers!

Managing Your Website in Turbulent Times will show you how to create a sane asylum within the virtual insanity of the Web.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

sport II

Funny sport caricatures volume II

The RANT: Having to go to Work

The RANT: Having to go to Work, is a short story (5,000 words) describing the anger and frustration of being an early morning commuter who is fed up with having to go to work and do the same old dreary job over and over again.

It's Monday morning and Tony Kramper is waking up to another bad day. He hates his job as a telesales marketing executive and would rather be struck down by lightening on his way to work. Reluctantly he travels into the city and spends the next eight hours stuck in an office surrounded by people he can't stand the sight of.

As a disgruntled employee, Kramper spends his working day devising various ways of looking fully occupied while actually doing as little as he possibly can. During the course of each tedious day he reflects upon his miserable existence and complains about every aspect of working life which is slowly driving him insane.

Over the years he has become an accomplished cynic who can see to the pointless futility in every aspect of working in an office. Based largely on personal experience and professional observation, The RANT provides a cynical examination of life as a middle-aged man and the pointless drudgery of having to go to work.

WARNING: This story is NOT suitable for Senior Managers or members of HR and Personnel who may be easily offended. But for everyone else it's a well-deserved laugh at their expense.

State of Love & Trust

Bearded

The Punster's Pocket-Book: Or, the Art of Punning Enlarged by Bernard Blackmantle, Illustrated with Numerous Original Designs by Robert Cruikshank

This work has been selected by scholars as being culturally important, and is part of the knowled....

You Hear Me, Barack?: PC-Free Conservative Satire

Warning! If your politics are hard left, "You Hear Me, Barack?" may induce spontaneous cranial combustion. Just move along to something by Bill Maher. But if you're around the middle or roll right, are up on current events, and enjoy seeing President Obama and the left skewered, this book is for you. Lucianne Goldberg says Grammatico is "sharp, smart, original, and fall down funny . . . [he] belongs in the political pundit hall of fame with Iowahawk, Mark Steyn, and P.J. O'Rourke." "National Review"'s Michael Walsh advises readers to "sit back, relax and enjoy this parade of poltroons, hoist high with their own petards. You're in the hands of a master." "You Hear Me, Barack?" contains over one hundred pieces of biting--but never crude or vicious--satire. The selections range from fly-on-the-wall Obama War Room dialogues to news spoofs to quirky interviews to parodies of famous poems, and more. In his Acknowledgements, Grammatico graciously thanks the president and his fellow Democrats for providing a wonderful challenge: making fun of an administration and political party that are almost beyond parody.

Limericks

limerick lim.er.ick [lim-er-ik] noun a kind of humorous verse of five lines, in which the first, second, and fifth lines rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth lines, which are shorter, form a rhymed couplet. ENJOY!! A compilation of limericks from my youth and beyond.... Delyne"

The Book of Mice Book 2: More Mice: Volume 2

The Book of Mice Book 2 consists of a series of humorous illustrations depicting mice engaging in various activities or assuming numerous roles. Word play, especially puns, is frequent.

Caught Between a Lie and True Love: A Caught Between Romance: Volume 1

Welcome to Serendipity Island and the Caught Between romance series. Paige Calhoun has spent years concealing the truth about her family. She's got a new life now, centered around her daughter and her career, and there's no room in it for anything-or anyone-else. But when instincts honed at the side of her con-artist dad warn her that her grandma is in trouble, she returns to Serendipity Island...where every single lie she once told to protect her tender heart could be blown to smithereens. Brody Jackson always thought of Paige Calhoun as the little girl next door. Three years her senior, his sights were set on a football scholarship, and fame and fortune as a pro quarterback. But now he's back home, his career down the tubes, battling the grandma from hell for permanent custody of his teenage daughter...all because of one careless mistake. Brody's got no time for one hot woman who's messing with his mind and his future. And Paige can't afford to let one gorgeous man distract her from saving the residents of the island from her dad's latest scam. All they both want is a life free from the past. Instead, they're caught between the truth and true love... This book includes a family-phobic heroine, a hunky hero whose luck-and love life-are about to change, lies, romance, chocolate chip cookies, nighttime shenanigans, a con-artist who swears he's gone straight, and a battle-of-the-sexes secondary romance.

Maggie and the Mercury Retrograde

My life is spinning out of control faster than I can say sorry for all the things I've done since this whole planetary shift began. Like apologize for the fact I made out with my soon-to-be stepbrother. And his stepbrother. And that I'm crushing on the one guy I swore I'd never be into...while keeping it all from my BFF. Mom says I think the world revolves around me, but the truth is, I'm just trying to survive the worst week of my life. The universe is legit out to get me. It started when my gaming nemesis deleted my AsteroMine galaxy and it's only gone downhill from there. It isn't my fault. I swear.

Shem the Sham-The Rhyming Man

As Mildred and Morton try to go through the alphabet thinking of words that rhyme with "at," they are interrupted by Shem the Sham, who thinks of more rhyming words than those ending with "at." This book is designed as a fun way to introduce rhyming patterns and the alphabet to children while still being a book parents will enjoy reading to their kids.

Cuckoo Spit

The 100 Best Yo Mama Jokes

Catbots

Jonathan's cartoon sampler

Come Home, We Love You Still

Old Friends, Epistolary Parody

This book (hardcover) is part of the TREDITION CLASSICS. It contains classical literature works from over two thousand years. Most of these titles have been out of print and off the bookstore shelves for decades. The book series is intended to preserve the cultural legacy and to promote the timeless works of classical literature. Readers of a TREDITION CLASSICS book support the mission to save many of the amazing works of world literature from oblivion. With this series, tredition intends to make thousands of international literature classics available in printed format again - worldwide.

LawBlogOne: Random musings of a law student, graduate, writer, musician and general nuisance railing against the state, inequality and poor gig sound quality

The alternative study guide containing the random musings of a law student, graduate, writer, musician and general nuisance railing against the state, inequality and poor gig sound quality.

6 years study, full time work and stress.

Exam Anxiety.

First Class Honours Degree.

Guitar fetishism.

Two Cats in the Yard.

Politick.

Getting Married.

Migration.

Migraines.

Car crashes.

Governor of Texas.

Terrible gigs.

But plenty of time to write over 430 drokking pages of musings!!!

Follow the trials & tribble-ations of Mike Farrell-Deveau as he charts the farther reaches of near lunacy on the way from being a complete nobody to a not so complete but socially aware nobody.

Buy this book. Or steal it, I don't mind. But Read it!

Crunchy or Creamy?: Peanut Butter and Personality

A humorous essay about what our choice of peanut butter style may say about our personality. Little did you know what the little things in life may say about you!

The Kismet Kingpin

Down and out! When Harold desperately tries to change his fortunes, he unwittingly finds himself pulled into the dark underworld of Detroit's medical marijuana industry.

How to Double Your Income: The Simplest Self-Help Guide Ever Written ("Duh!!" Series)

Do you need the most straightforward answers to some of life's most challenging questions? Look no further.

The "Duh!!" series of books provides the most direct, simple means possible to avoiding or accomplishing so many things. Buy one for yourself, AND DEFINITELY gift one to a friend in need!

Makes a great gag gift. Great for the passive-aggressive friend!

Benjamin Byrde, Traveller Extraordinaire: Round One - Berkshire to Istanbul

In BENJAMIN BYRDE, Traveller Extraordinaire we follow the fate of a peculiar man who decides to relinquish his property, money and clothes, before setting off around the world, relying solely on the kindness and generosity of strangers. While several of his benefactors are indeed very strange, none are more eccentric than Mr Byrde himself, whose tales stretch even the most malleable imagination.

This first volume of unique travel memoirs transports us from leafy Berkshire to sultry Istanbul and gives us a blow-by-blow account of his varying fortunes along the way. Ever the optimist, Benjamin tackles every obstacle with his customary zeal, and the fifty-seven-year-old displays great powers of self-preservation, despite never having worked due to his singular way of seeing the world.

England, France, Germany, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and a bit of Turkey are the countries he visits, and Benjamin's 'Byrde's-eye view' of Europe is like no other ever published in our time.

Listed under: Humour - Parodies

Please 'look inside' before purchasing.

I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!: A poor bastards guide to being a poor bastard

My personal experiences going through financial hardship and sharing my thoughts and ideas on how to get what you want (or close to it) on a very strict budget. Plus it's a good read if you just want to have a laugh.

BRIDGET AND THE WOODEN CHEST

Will her parents be able to save her from herself? Surely, sending a boy who is on the cusp on becoming a man is enough. Even when this boy is in love with their daughter. He promises to save her, even when it seems to be impossible. Impossible, because she made it so. Prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster. Something that will change you. Read with caution. Not for the faint hearted.